From the Tales Inbox: Ideal Spacing of Children

What's the "best" time to try for another baby? My husband and I are discussing when we should start trying for #2 (we have an eight month old), and we're not sure. What are some things we need to think about before giving it another go? (For example, should #1 be potty trained first?) I was hoping to get some different perspectives from people who had their babies close vs. spacing them apart. Thanks!

From the Tales Inbox: What's in a Name?

I need help! I am four months pregnant with my fourth child. My husband and I are in the process of choosing potential names for the new baby. We are so overwhelmed!

For our other children, it always happened that one of us would think of a name fairly easily and the other would agree, and that was that! This time around, that's not the case. We are at a loss for how to even start the name search. I've contemplated baby name books, but those are neverending SO intimidating! I always have several favorites in mind, but they change every few weeks. I'm lost! My question for you is: How have YOU gone about the name search? or, How would you go about it?

Name suggestions are welcomed, as well. As far as the scoop on my family goes:
My name is Evelyn (Evie) and my husband is Benjamin (Ben). We have a son, Nathaniel (Nate) Grant, who is 6, and daughters Hanna Madelinn (4) and Lily Violet (almost 2). In general, we like classic (but not stuffy!) names.

We don't know the sex of the new baby, and aren't planning on finding out.
Thanks in advance for your help and suggestions!

Crib Notes: Love & Logic

What kind of parent are you? A Helicopter, Drill Sergeant or Consultant? This parenting book, Love & Logic by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay will take you through many steps of how to be a consultant parent to help your children navigate their own problems and solutions so when they are older they can make wise decisions on their own. Foster and Fay believe in allowing children to decide for themselves (with some guidance) when they are young, (not hovering or barking orders at them) to allow children to make mistakes and learn life lessons when mistakes still have an "affordable pricetag."

There are many dialogue examples to help you dissolve power struggles with eating, bedtime, and chores, just to name a few, and helping them get ready for the demands of school, homework and social pressures that will surround them all their life.

Love & Logic means loving your kids so much that you let them use their agency and therefore they suffer the consequences of what that choice may be. It's never too early or too late to start parenting with love and logic.

A great book for those of you who feel you do not have control of your parenting situation, or if you find time-outs and the like are not really working.

Ben & Jerry's & Breast Milk

My mom tells a story about that time she was at a church event and the brownies were really really good, and the woman who prepared them said she had run out of milk, so she just used some of her breast milk instead.

I consider this one of many mormon lore stories that get filtered around...because I am not sure if my mom actually ate a brownie and was privvy to this conversation or if she heard this story 17th-hand....and since the last time I made brownies, no milk was involved in the recipe....who knows...mom, if you stop by, let us know.

And remember the story of the woman who had to sample her own breast milk to get it past security shortly after 9/11?

Ew.

So, I am all for my baby drinking my breast milk, or maybe even someone else's if I couldn't nurse myself. If you are in this situation, click here for instructions on how to get some breast milk for your baby. And I am ok with my neighbor nursing both her daughter and her friend's son, who were the same age and she was his caregiver during the day. If she was ok with it, I am ok with it. I don't think I could have handled all that nursing, but kudos to her.

I would also probably be ok with nursing someone else's newborn in an emergency situation, if I had the goods....past 4 months, probably not, but a little one I would be ok.

I am open when it comes to leaping over some breast-feeding boundaries....but I will no longer eat Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream if they give in to the pressure that PETA is putting on them to change over to human breast milk. Ick.

I get their point about humans drinking cow's milk, when human's should drink humans milk, but come ON....reading that article just gave me this vision of a giant factory full of women gabbing or reading a magazine or answering phones for an unrelated telemarketing compay (multi-tasking America), while their boobs were mechanically pumped of their milk on the hour.

Imagine.



ADDED LATER:

And speaking of breastmilk, can you imagine having to give your child away because of the 1 child per family rule:

Seriously so blessed......(that's like a take off of that one girl's blog of the same title...get it?)

Yoo-hoo? Anyone out there? I am still here, but I have been a bit swamped. I wanted to post on a few items before the blog runs out of steam.

I am on month 3 of being the wife of a Bishop. Yup, my DH is now the Bishop. This is weird for a bunch of reasons. All of which (for once) I will keep to myself.

We don't talk about it much. I know very little about what he is up to. In fact, I will tell him something I hear about at church and he knowingly smiles and nods and tells me how far behind I am in any sort of news...which I assure you is not very much news, just a tidbit here and there.

A few changes I have noticed:

1. I sit in the way back of church now in a little corner. This is me hiding. My kids are not the best in church, and I am totally exhausted by Sunday morning that I have little discipline juice left. I don't need looks or comments about this. I feel like we have a pretty awesome ward, I do not feel judged in the slightest, but let's face it...it's like the Bishop's family....we should just hide.

2. I have had a boost of stamina. This is a blessing for me. I know it is because my role in all this is to serve my DH so that he can serve the people. I never knew about this part of the whole bishop's wife role. I guess I have never had reason to think about it. Since I bumped my head 6 months ago, DH has pulled a significant weight in household and parenting duties, even more than he has since our parenthood began, and I have since been able to pull my own weight again....

3. With the exception of Sundays. We have 9 AM church. I make it home and I stay awake for as long as I can, but I am usually like OUT OUT at around 1:30 and often still asleep or groggy when DH finally makes it home between 3 and 4. This is a problem. I have only been able to stay awake one Sunday, and that was when we had several new couples that moved in, over for some dinner (I felt that was a bishop-wifey thing to do). I had to cook and stuff. This is one area where I am not doing my best to serve the Bishop so that he can serve others, but I have such a difficult time not falling asleep. I think I finally figured it out. It's because I am sitting for 3 straight hours, and this is so not my life M-Sat. And then if I come home and sit some more, I'm a goner.

4. I find myself getting a little nit-picky. You should tell your counselors to speak into the microphone at all times. When they acknowledge the chorister and pianist, they shouldn't turn their heads to look at them, because then we can't hear them. The tempo of the hymns is way too slow. Are you sure all the fleas were exterminated? How about the mice? Why isn't the cake auction starting on time?

Because of this, my DH has learned to be even more patient than he was before. And pre-Bish, he might have complained right along with me, but no longer. He is setting a good example for me. He's growing, and I am reluctantly trying to sprout a little too.

So, that's what it's like so far. I have a feeling there is a long journey ahead of us. Don't worry, I stocked his Bishop's office with a mini-fridge full of Caffeine-free Diet Pepsi and 90 calorie Special K cereal bars. He's all set.

And my second little thing is this....

My daughter will turn 8 in about 18 months. I know that is forever away, but we recently attended a baptism of her friend and it made me start to think about my daughter's baptism day. My main thought was: I want her to KNOW what she is doing. And so, today, we began reading the Book of Mormon. A page a day. She seems excited about it. In fact, she even read a few extra verses past page 1. I am hoping we can stick to our plan, and I am hoping that I will feel like as a Mom, I prepared her for this big decision, that she seems in some ways entirely too little to make...

TV again...

Ok, I admit it, I tivoed the season premiere of 90210.

See, it was a staple show for me, for a long time back in the day. My Dad hated that I watched it, and probably didn't know that I watched it as much as I did. The summer between my Junior and Senior year, my friend and I watched it over our lunch break. We were fairly invested.

When I started seeing the ads pop up on my subway ride, I was intrigued. I began by IMDBing the cast, and when I saw my favorite Jennie Garth was in the cast, that swayed me. I wanted to see it.

So, I did see it.

I saw 20-somethings playing 15 and 16-year-olds. I saw a cast of actors trying to settle into roles that aren't quite comfortable yet. I saw Lori Loughlin from another of my old faves (Full House), looking pretty good in her (by Hollywood's standards) old age. And in the first five minutes I saw a scene simulating/suggesting a blow job in the car parked outside of Beverly Hills High.

I think I just made our blog rated R. Sorry.

I watched the entire show because after that first scene, I realized that the programming for the teenage set have pumped it up a notch since I was a teenager. I knew somewhere in my mind that this was happening, and having a teenage-sister, she has educated me on the changes in the atmosphere in the hallways at high school.

Since I watched it, I have noticed all the Gossip Girl ads around my town. The first one that stood out was earlier in the summer in Times Square. It had four letters: OMFG. And there was a sex scene from the upcoming premiere in the background of these letters.

So, now I'm freaking out about the future programming for my children. Now, I know that I can throw my tv away, make a rule that they are not allowed to watch it, yadda, yadda, yadda....but I can't control what they watch at friend's houses, what their friends talk to them about, and a host of other uncontrollable variables.

I want to know what's out there to influence, tempt, affect my girls. I don't want to be totally out of it when they come to me with something they want to watch. So, should I be spot-tivoing some of these shows for the next 7 + years so that I am prepared for those teenagers and protecting them from the smut? Should I just let it be, and then start researching as quandries present themselves? What do I do?

7 Years Later...

(photo taken by Chloe at Ground Zero in 2004 - wreckage from the Twin Towers was used to form the cross on this now hallowed ground)

7 years have passed since 9/11/01. As many of you know, all of us here at Tales are and were at one time or another New Yorkers. Today is a tender day for us.

You can visit our September 2006 archives to read a few pieces we wrote about our personal recollections of 9/11 (or there's a complete list here). I have found it difficult to read those pieces on any day other than 9/11 - it's just too painful, too raw even 7 years later.

But we are resilient...and 7 years later we are here raising families, working, serving, loving, living. And that is what I will focus on today, 9/11/08.

In Case Your Haven't Read

If you are following the Nie-Nie Tragedy/Success, and only following it here, than we need to link to this article from the NY Times. Read every word please.