Tales From the Crib: A question from a frustrated newlywed: Do garments ever get better?

Friday, May 05, 2006

A question from a frustrated newlywed: Do garments ever get better?

We recently received the following comment on a really old post. Instead of letting it get lost in the archives, I thought I should make it a post of it's own to see if we can help this girl out (or at least share in her pain).

I need some advice. A friend in my ward told me about this site, and I have loved reading advice and different situations that LDS women offer to one another. I am in need of help and dont know quite who to talk to. I have been happily married now for 6 months. I was almost 27 when my husband and I were married in the temple. I am now getting use to wearing garments and it has not been an easy transition.

The reason I find it hard to discuss this is because people are quick to jump at the idea of me not appreciating what garments stand for. To set the record straight, I love the purpose for garments and I understand how important and sacred they are. That is not my concern. My concern is that everyday (and night), I am uncomfortable in a tugging and pulling kind of way. I find them very unnatural for a womens body and so diffucult to wear with clothing. Modesty is not an issue for me, but the fact that every waist band comes up past my belly button is hardly in sync with my jeans. (Yes I have tried every size, material, shape etc.. Even the 2xs petite) I find myself becoming resentful because i am so physically uncomfortble.

I also loved the websites to modest tee's etc... Great idea, however, living in southern California makes layering diffucult. It is already very warm each day with just a garment top and shirt. Layering is out of the question other than about 2 months each year. IS THIS EVER GOING TO GET BETTER?? I am really concerned that I may never get use to this change. And in my opinion it is a major change!

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks, A frustrated newlywed

63 Comments:

Well, as a slightly less newlywed than you (2 1/2 years...) - I do think it has gotten better. I really liked the lycralise bottoms (Yeah, I know I spelled that wrong AND they have changed the name of the fabric since then... but they still have it) bottoms because they are more elastic-y and seem to minimize the bunching/hiking issues. The higher waistband only bothers me now when it shows through my shirt (although you are right, it is better with petite sizes)... oh well.
I have issues with layering too, because it gets too stinking hot to wear 3 shirts at a time! If anybody comes up with good tips for that I will be excited to read them!

And hey - it only gets worse with maternity and nursing garments... they still only have 2 fabrics for those! Let us all pray for progress in the world of white textiles.
posted by Em at 5/05/2006 01:34:00 PM
Thank you so much for posting this Carrie, after I re-read my origional post I realized I needed to address one other issue. If I am being totally honest...
As a newlywed I was really looking forward to feeling feminine with my new husband. All I feel is frumpy in garments and any femininity is gone wearing them. How do I cope? Any advise is so appreciated.
Thanks again,

A fruststrated newlywed
posted by Anonymous at 5/05/2006 01:53:00 PM
I think you need to continue to experiment with different fabrics and sizes. Garments should not be uncomfortable and should not require tugging. Keep working on it--you shouldn't just ignore it.
posted by Julie M. Smith at 5/05/2006 01:53:00 PM
You are not crazy! I felt much the same way! My BIGGEST difficulty was the waist bands... they drove me crazy! They were too thick, uncomfortable, too tight, YUCK! I will say that I roll mine down to almost meet my waistline on my pants/capris,etc.. And EVENTUALLY I actually got used to them, so that now I can't hardly feel them at all!

If the waist really does make you too uncomfortable, as it does for my sister, she wears the silky onsies, as we call them. And they are nice and body-suit like. NO WAIST there!

Also, as for layering, I buy garment covering, thin tops that I DO NOT layer... and most of those garment covering ones can be worn alone I believe.

Anyway, do worry, it will get easier! Keep wearing them and your body will adjust to the feel of them under your clothes! Mine did, and I was very sensitive.
posted by Rachel H at 5/05/2006 02:09:00 PM
Sorry about the type-o! DON'T WORRY! =)
posted by Rachel H at 5/05/2006 02:10:00 PM
This is a great post! Being a convert of three years I still have MAJOR issues with feeling comfortable in my garments. UGH! And now I'm wearing nursing garments... UGH AGAIN!

The thing is I definitely have a strong testimony of my garments. When I was on my honeymoon I got really seasick and all I wanted to do was curl up on my hotel bed in my garments... they were a comfort to me then and still are.

I think the advice on here so far is true. You have to experiment with fabrics and styles. I had a friend recently tell me she wears the long garment bottoms with jeans to avoid the line. I think I'm gonna try that. And as far as feeling frumpy with your husband, I think if your husband is LDS and especially if he was raised in the church, his expectations of you & your body are different from those of the world. Not to say he doesn't like to see you in something pretty sometimes, but I don't know... I feel like my husband grew up with the idea of garments and doesn't look at me like, "why is she wearing those frumpy garments", even though that is how I feel most of the time.
posted by Beth at 5/05/2006 02:20:00 PM
Well - my personal theory is that garments DO change (well, it's actually a historically proven fact, but I theorize also). They've constantly introduced new fabrics, and in fact, the bottoms used to be longer than knee-length, and then they shortened it. Point is, we can all hope that one day, it'll all get better.

For some practical advise though. For the waistband issue: I often will pull up my bottom only half-way (to around my knees), put on my jeans over it, and then just pull them on at the same time. That way, they fall down nicely and with less crumples, plus the waistband falls where the jeans fall. I wear the silky bottoms because they're the only ones without the elastic, and I seriously hate the elastic (plus they're always too small for me, since I have huge legs from figure skating and dancing).

As for the top, I was able to get them to stay once I bought a good bra. I found a bra that has an extra piece of fabric over the top that comes down slightly further than the underwire, which covers up the wrinkles that sometimes gather around the bust area. That was my personal biggest problem, so it completely eliminated it for me once I found the right bra.

And I completely feel your pain about garments not fitting. I'm not sure what your body type is, but I think that garments aren't designed for every body type (sometimes it seems it's not designed for any body type, but I digress). I'm Chinese, and therefore I have a very different shape than most American women. So if the top fits around my shoulders, it doesn't fit around my bust. It's a neverending problem. If that's your case, I know you can get them custom made and that might help.

And as for feeling frumpy around your husband, my personal solution to that is just chang into something you feel sexy in sometimes around the house. Sometimes I'll walk around in a sports bra and shorts just to feel more comfortable. Or get some sexy lingerie. Whatever will make you feel better. My husband gives me a couple of minutes usually to get changed and I know that helps a lot for me.

I just can't wait till they make garments out of good stretch, form-fitting fabric in the future. Do they have suggestion boxes for garment design?
posted by Beata at 5/05/2006 02:21:00 PM
Carrie, I am telling you we need to submit a garment design. I have the top all planned out in my head and can't wait til it is available. I really think it will help many many women. Cut to: silky's have no waist band? What silky's do I have and why do they have a waist band? Also, ladies, those nursing ones are for the birds, I would wear a tee shirt type top over your bra. Makes life a whole lot easier. As for layering, I am happy it is a trend it does help pick up the slack of shorter shirts. However it is not fun in the heat, but I don't care what you wear garments aren't fun in the heat. I lived in Miami for 8 months and I thought I would die when I was dressed. I looked for any excuse to be in my swimsuit! For me, it is safe to say it doesn't get any better. I wish it did, but after 10 years, I still struggle, tug and pretty much don't like wearing them. I have owned or tried every garment that is made. I wear different ones for different reasons. If you would like a list of what goes best with what, I would be happy to do that. It comes with much research. Trial and error. If I didn't have a testimony of the temple, it would be so easy for me to just ditch them...
posted by Kelly at 5/05/2006 02:50:00 PM
I first started wearing garments in the summer in So Cal. Luckily it was a month before my wedding because I was completely miserable. I was hot and uncomfortable. By the time I got married, I had gotten more used to them (or more used to being uncomfortable maybe?).

But I was still faced with the feeling that I did not look attractive in them (and this had nothing to do with what my husband thought). They are just aesthetically unpleasing, unflattering and there is no way to get around it. If you read my honeymoon advice post, you know my answer to that problem. I need to take them off sometimes (and not just a few minutes before I want things to start heating up) but I realize many people disagree with my approach.

I agree with Julie M. SMith's statement:
"Garments should not be uncomfortable and should not require tugging. " They should not. But the reality is that for many people they are uncomfortable and they do require tugging. There are not enough fabrics and styles available(even though I do feel the church is trying to make progress in this area) to satisfy everyone.

There was a post at FMH that addressed this issue and is worth a look.

Here is the address to send your garment improvement ideas. I think the idea of stressing that fact that we have a testimony of the temple and we want to keep our covenants, but we would also like to feel comfortable in our garments. THinking about improvements (and being proactive about sending them onto the development manager) gives me hope for the future and in a small way helps me get through each uncomfortable day.

Roger K. Toone
Product Development Manager
Distribution Services Division
1999 West 1700 South
SLC, UT
84104-9951
posted by This is Carrie at 5/05/2006 02:59:00 PM
I wore, and was frustrated with, my garments for 13 years. I finally gave up wearing them a couple years ago and I will not be going back to wearing them (of course this also keeps me from going to the temple).

I truly feel garments are a "man-made" control tactic and not from God, but I'm hardly orthodox. Just another opinion on the issue, to further confuse you! Good luck.
posted by Anonymous at 5/05/2006 04:08:00 PM
Zinone, I think Rachel H was referring to the one-piece garments - because they are all one piece, there's no band.

One thing I'm amazed about when I read posts like the one at FMH is that women will list out their complaints, and they will be the exact opposite of the problems I have. Gives me a bit of sympathy for those attempting to design a universal garment, but mostly underscores the need for a variety of choices.

I do what beata does in terms of the bottoms - pull them up with my pants, so that everything sort of settles together. I've also done the long garments under pants (especially in the winter) and I think they are great. And I'm 100% with Zinone on the regular garment top over a nursing bra - I tried the nursing garments once and knew that the last thing I needed was another thing to pull or tuck or move when trying to feed my baby!

Oooh, and Chloe and I had a layering discovery to share - if you don't want the weight of another whole shirt underneath, a tube top worn rather lower than intended (!!!) can cover the "bending over" area. Of course the one we picked out was totally covered in silver sequins, but what would you expect from chloe?

But in general, I'm right there in the uncomfortable category. I think it does get better, in that you learn what styles go best with what clothes, what weather, etc., but I also think it gets better because you just get used to i.
posted by marian at 5/05/2006 04:19:00 PM
I don't think it gets better, you just get more used to it. I don't know that I will ever feel sexy/femanine in my garments. When I want to feel like that, I put something else on :)
The lycra ones have been the best thing I have found yet. They stick to your legs so they don't crawl up and bunch up in pants and there isn't that line in your pants either. Also, I have found that they have a significantly lower waist band. That was my biggest problem too. The band of all the other designs/fabrics would be almost to my bra (2XSP) and then all that material would bunch up my back. My boss asked me once why I wore bloomers everyday. Sweet. Another friend at work asked why I didn't wear different underwear...she noticed me TUGGING on my shirt constantly.
Not to be a downer but maternity and nursing garments were worse. I ended up streeeeeetching my regular tops over my belly and now I do what Z does...wear the top over my bra. Otherwise I would end up with a wet, sticky mess. No fun.
If I didn't have such a strong testimony of the garment, I would not bother with them, because it truly is a hassle. But once when my husband was out of town and I was alone in NYC, I woke up to some scary noises in the middle of the night. I was scared to death, laying in my bed, frozen with fear. I thought for sure someone was coming into my apartment and my life was over. I probably sound dramatic, but I was SCARED. I began to pray and instantly, the words of the initiatory re:garments came into my mind and I was instantly comforted. I was so glad to have them on, to protect me and to comfort me. They really are a blessing. Maybe just an uncomfortable one.
Is it weird to pray for them to get better?
posted by Melissa at 5/05/2006 04:23:00 PM
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

I think just hearing and knowing that I am not alone makes me feel so much better.

My husband is a gem! He really DOES find garments to be attractive becuase of what they represent. He has in no way made me feel unattractive wearing them, this is my issue and my own comfort that I struggle with on a daily basis. But all your comments have been helpful, and I thank you for being so honest and open.

Sincerely,

a newlywed :)
posted by Anonymous at 5/05/2006 08:01:00 PM
tracy m,
I don't want to minimize other people's experiences and discomfort. But I just wanted to let you know that for me, starting to wear garments was no problem and they've never been uncomfortable. So it isn't such a difficult transition for everyone; maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones. And going to the temple can be a wonderful experience. Good luck!
Gina
posted by Gina at 5/05/2006 08:04:00 PM
My wife and I have been married 3 years. My desire for intimacy with my wife has dwindled to nothing because she insists on wearing her garments to bed. She will not wear lingerie or anything even remotely attractive. When I embrace her I feel like I am hugging a burlap sack.

I would love to see her in a nice babydoll or cami, but no - it's going to be the garments. They are not helpful.
posted by Anonymous at 5/05/2006 08:14:00 PM
GREAT!!! Anyone else feel even more insecure about wearing these things to bed? What is my DH really thinking? I really appreciate your honesty... sadly, I am a pessimist by nature, and I now am certain that my DH isn't telling the whole truth when he says I am sexy in my G's.
posted by Kelly at 5/05/2006 08:30:00 PM
Anonymous guy: Send your wife here. Let her know it's ok to take of the g's and where a nighty every once in awhile. The world will not end.

To Anonymous newlywed: Ditto what others have said - it gets better. I was lucky when I went through the temple that my sister had already gone through and we were very similar in size. So, no real trial and error for me.

Maternity tops - no way. I plan to use the t-shirt tops and just pull down the neck. They are quite strechy.

I don't layer. I guess I have just never had a problem with shirts not being long enough or bothered by people seeing my line. I grew up in Arizona, so seeing G-Force (lines from garments) was quite normal. To this day, even living somewhere else I don't worry about it. But that's just me.

Good luck and congrats!!
posted by Anonymous at 5/05/2006 08:32:00 PM
I often wear men's (my husbands) garment's especially to sleep in. The rise on men's garments bottoms is lower than the rise on women's bottoms, and they don't have the dreadful elastic on the thigh. The tops don't slip around on my shoulders, don't have the itchy lace around the edges and doesn't roll up where there isn't lace. If you buy small and wear it tight fitting it can be much more comfortable than the women's tops.
One suggestion is, if you are proficient with a sewing machine, and they literally don't fit you properly I wouldn't be afraid to alter them so they do. As long as you aren't altering them to 'get away' with immodest clothing, but are altering them so that they aren't uncomfortable and so that they actually *fit* then I wouldn't hesitate.
Also, as a newly wed, in regards to feminine hygeine there is what I have heard called the menstruation exception, where you wear regular (normally white) panties underneath your garments to hold your product of choice in place. My mom told me that long ago (when the old ladies who design garments were menstruating) maxi pads had straps that went over the hips and held the thing in place. Now that pads aren't that way we need something to hold them in place and garments just won't do the trick.
posted by Starfoxy at 5/05/2006 08:34:00 PM
I am soooo happy to hear that someone else wears mens garments to bed!! BJHBHB don't make fun of me anymore!!!
posted by Kelly at 5/05/2006 08:46:00 PM
Starfoxy,

I was just going to comment on men's g's!!! I haven't worn them for any length of time, but I have tried on my dh's and they are SO much more comfortable and you are correct, they hit much lower on the waist. I think I would feel weird wearing them regularly though.

I don't mind the womens tops so much (I find if I buy them a little small, they fit snug, don't move and I don't notice them), but I have never gotten used to the women's bottoms.

Can't they just get rid of the "pee hole" on the men's bottoms and offer them to women? They wouldn't feel very feminine, but at least it would be more comfortable!

And I like the tube top idea, Chloe and Marian!!!
posted by Jen at 5/05/2006 08:56:00 PM
Zimone: I now am certain that my DH isn't telling the whole truth when he says I am sexy in my G's.

Zimone, I wouldn't doubt your husband so quickly. I have to say that I find the fact that A. Nonny Spouse wears garments to be incredibly sexy.

Something about being married to somebody with whom I share a special covenant relationship seems to give more meaning and intimacy to our relationship that I would find hard to create in any other way.
posted by A. Nonny Mouse at 5/05/2006 11:07:00 PM
Whoops. I meant Zinone, not Zimone. Sorry. I must need reading glasses...
posted by A. Nonny Mouse at 5/05/2006 11:17:00 PM
bellaband is a product that helps extend your wardrobe while pregnant, and might be able to be recycled for the tube top idea that marian gave.

Did I read somewhere that you could get your garments custom-made? On an FMH thread? I really want to look into that.

I find garments to be cheap, cheap cheap, but the lds catalog takes about 3 weeks to deliver...they are slow, slow, slow.
posted by Kage at 5/06/2006 05:33:00 AM
I don't think any DH is lying when he says his wife looks sexy in her garments. I understand the "sexiness" that comes from knowing that you share a special covenant relationship -- and wearing garments is definitely a symbol of that.

But I don't think that definition of "sexiness" can or should replace the more traditional definition of sexy in a marriage. Having a strong presence of both is the ideal for me.
posted by This is Carrie at 5/06/2006 08:25:00 AM
You can order custom garments by calling (800) 521-1203. Be forewarned, however--last time I called I felt like they approach every call with the idea that you're going to be trying to get away with something. And the woman I talked to had zero sense of humor, either--when she first picked up I made a crack about the hold music, and it went over like a lead balloon.

Also, when I ordered my last set I gave them my hip and waist measurements but said that the "normal" rise and inseam would be okay. The ones I got are quite long (hit just below the kneecap--okay in winter but could never work even with long shorts), and then they come up to my bra! Next time I'll give at least a rise measurement, and if the "customer service" person gives me grief I'll just say, Listen, I'm fat and pushing 40--I'm not wanting a lower rise so I can show my midriff!!
posted by Anonymous at 5/06/2006 09:05:00 AM
I still feel uncomfortable and unsexy wearing garments after 6.5 years of marriage. So, no (at least for me) it has NOT gotten better. Harsh, but true.

It is not a pleasent feeling despising your underwear. I really symphasize with you. I wear them, but only because of my testimony of the temple. I really think we could get the church to make them better, so please write a letter.

Oh, preggo g's are just aweful. The tops are made for women who are 11 months preggo. I ended up using my cotton t-shirt-like tops the whole 9 months. The bottoms are no better - the panel is made out of an itchey cotton that drove me nuts.
posted by Anonymous at 5/06/2006 09:08:00 AM
What a great post!! I could not agree with Zinone more!! 10 years and 4 kids later.....I am uncomfortable in my garments. Just this morning I was tugging and feeling suffocated. I really feel like I've tried them all. I have thought about the one piece, although the only person I've ever seen in them is my sweet grandma!! Doesn't make me feel too hip! Going to petite has made a bit of a difference, still HATE the elastic waistbands. K, Z it's time for that list. I think we could use it. I do prefer the midcalf length for capris and jeans. Other than that, I'm really lost!! For me, wearing them is more of testimony builder....I know it's right!
posted by Anonymous at 5/06/2006 10:30:00 AM
I also live in So. CA. I was told that we were to wear bras *over* the garment when I went to the temple in the 70s. I was stunned to learn from an elist that I was the only one who did that and that no one who had been sealed within the past decade had been told how to do anything...if they asked they were told it was their own business. Soooo...if anyone is still doing that, it helps the body temperature considerably to have a top that is loose enough for air circulation (although it is a lot more wear and tear on bras to be next to your skin and takes some getting used to because they are not as soft as the garment top). I always wear all cotton tops and the Drisilque or whatever it is bottoms. They have an all cotton chemise top that has a banded edge instead of lace...I use this for the "t-shirt" layer under big shirts. If it peeks out a bit at the top no one can tell the difference. I really like the bottoms (especially under skirts) and I don't feel like a trussed turkey on top since wearing garments over my bra. However, menopause has brought up another set of issues because of the intense hot flashes. If I am dripping wet again this summer I will take off the tops until it cools down. My friend was told by her bishop at the last interview that how she arranged her relationship with her garments was a private decision and she was not to bring up her situation again.
posted by Anonymous at 5/06/2006 01:36:00 PM
Okay... not to take the opposing opinion than many people here... I will give my reasons for saying that in a WAY, garments can be sexy too. I am thinking, if you wear silkies, they are like almost SHEER, DH loves that. The silky top is really alot like a thin silky blouse lingerie... I mean it's nice to touch, it shows stuff off pretty well. I don't know, I guess I have always thought about all the comperable underwear and lingerie out there that is actually pretty similar. And I know because I worked for Victoria's Secret for a while. I know it's no bustier and fishnets, but it's really not that bad to me. OR my DH.
posted by Rachel H at 5/06/2006 07:16:00 PM
I'm amazed how many comments their are. After 3 years, I've gotten used to them more - dressing with them. I find the best way is to try as many different size and materials as you can. I've got Medium petites and medium regulars - the higher waists come in handy when some of my tops come untucked too often. Tighter bottoms like the lycralysse for tighter pants like jeans or my khakis. Looser ones like the silky kind for skirts and stuff. I don't know how better to explain it to you, but try mixing and matching as much as possible

I wish they made tops with underwire so I didn't have to wear my bras over them.
posted by Anonymous at 5/06/2006 09:58:00 PM
I am working on going through all my g's and figuring out the names and styles of all of them so I can post what I think works with what, however Karalyn hit the nail on the head with most of it. Bear with me and I will try to get that on here. And Rachel, I love that you tried to convince us that the silkies are sexy, but the silkies show TOO much. They seem to magnify any cellulite especially on the bum and they make your boobs look down right weird where the lines cut them in the middle... am I right???
posted by Kelly at 5/07/2006 05:00:00 AM
I would for sure agree with Zinone on the silkies. Actually, those in my opinion are the most "unflattering" of all. Ya, to the touch I'm sure it's great when the lights are out, but I just think they show every imperfection otherwise. I actually LOVE the tops without the seam for the boobs. No cutting in the middle anymore. I think I've got the tops ok, just those darn bottoms!! One piece here I come!
posted by Anonymous at 5/07/2006 08:26:00 AM
I thought I was *just* getting used to my garments until I moved from Utah to South Carolina.
First of all--the heat/humidity makes them nearly unbearable. On one particularly hot day I actually started feeling clausterphobic and having a panicky episode because I was *so* hot--and I hadn't even put on my clothes yet. I didn't wear my garments that day--and the difference in the way I felt was testimony enough for me to try them again the next day. Sometimes we need the little reminders, I guess.
To combat the heat problem, I decided to wear bigger garments. Personally, I was much hotter and more uncomfortable when wearing an additional tight layer of clothing. A nice, loose garment top helped me to feel less constricted and sweaty.
I've also been super uncomfortable with my garment lines showing--now that we live here in SC near my family (none of whom are members of the church), I'm more sensitive to what is showing because I know they don't understand or agree with many of the principles. In Utah, I had no problem with the lines showing because I knew people knew what they were and didn't question. The "modest tees" are a great answer to this problem...were it not for my aforementioned heat issue. So it's really a constant source of frustration for me, and I'm trying to adjust to layering without feeling like I'm going to melt into a puddle. This is easier in the winter when the "rules of fashion" don't seem to dictate sheer, sleeveless, and more sheer.
A few tips that have saved me over the years:
1. I buy tall tops and petite bottoms. This helps my tops to stay tucked in and my bottoms to have a *slightly* lower rise.
2. I fold the waistband of my bottoms over once so they are just under the waistband of whatever pants I am wearing. Because my top is still tucked into them (and therefore I'm obviously not adjusting to show my postpartum midriff ;)) I don't feel like I'm adjusting to be immodest, and I've never felt like this was a problem.
3. I wear the scoop-neck tops to nurse. I can easily pull them down below my boob (since they're already slightly more loose--see my first problem above). Nursing garments are ridiculous--not only are the boobs cut ridiculously disproportionate to the size of the garment, but the flaps are awful and a pain in the rump. And they're too tight and clingy. And too short (maybe I just bought the wrong size...I don't know if they're offered in tall now. But if I tried to buy a bigger size I'd be able to fit three of my boobs into one of the cups).
4. I sleep in my husband's garments often. They're much more comfortable. I'd love to see a women's garment bottom designed with the rise length of the men's--and the wider waistband. I think a wider waistband would minimize that nice little roll that ours give.
5. I wear drisilque bottoms with skirts (I found that lycra or cotton cause the skirts to cling and ride up), lycra ("carinessa?") bottoms with jeans (they stay in place and are a bit slimming) and pants, mid-calf silk bottoms with dress or thin pants (only in the winter, though! there is no visible line with these), and cotton or cotton/poly bottoms to sleep in (they really serve no other purpose for me---they cling and ride up with jeans, pants, and skirts--but they are comfortable, so I sleep in them. After giving the leg opening a good yank to rip the elastic and make them less tight). I have no use for the sweetheart neckline tops--they're higher and don't tuck into my bra as nicely. I hate the drisilque tops because they make me too hot. The drirelease / driweave tops shrink too much, and become too tight after washing. The chemise style tops have huge baggy sleeves that sit funny under my shirts, and the necklines are too high for me. I stick with a nice cotton/poly scoop neck tall top for everything. I just buy a size up for maternity--not only are the maternity tops ridiculously tent-like, but the elastic under the bust makes me want to jump out of my skin. I do, however, get some use out of the maternity bottoms very late in my pregnancy. Until then, when the regular bottoms start to get a little tight around the belly, I wear them under my belly.

I also agree with the other commenters who said to take off those garments and put on something sexy if you need to! Nothing wrong with that.
posted by Anonymous at 5/07/2006 09:55:00 AM
One suggestion is, if you are proficient with a sewing machine, and they literally don't fit you properly I wouldn't be afraid to alter them so they do. As long as you aren't altering them to 'get away' with immodest clothing, but are altering them so that they aren't uncomfortable and so that they actually *fit* then I wouldn't hesitate.

I would call your temple matron about this. I know some advice we get is not universally applicable, but I was told NOT to alter them at all, so I would check before doing anything, just in case there is a "supposed to."

One other thought...I have uncomfortable days, but I had those BEFORE, too. Garments don't have a corner on discomfort. (Don't you remember "turkeys")
posted by Anonymous at 5/07/2006 02:21:00 PM
melinda (sorry, I keep following your comments!) --I'm with you on this one. I had a hard time adjusting to the bottoms at first (no support for that butt of mine!) but it lasted about 3 days and I haven't had a reason to complain since.

Never used nursing tops. Never had to. Just pulled those garments down over the breast, and voila! Worked like a charm.

I'm with anon. on not alternating the garment. "They" (Temple workers, powers-that-be, etc) were very clear that we are not to alternate the garment. In any way.

And hey, what's a little sacrifice now and again? So garments are not always comfy...neither is doing Sharing Time or speaking in Sacrament Meeting or getting a year's supply or doing visiting teaching or welcoming the new neighbors, but we seem to do that just fine... :)
posted by Cheryl at 5/07/2006 04:33:00 PM
I had a hard time adjusting to the warmer feeling of wearing layers, but after living through a full cycle of seasons, I found that my body adjusted. I am no longer bothered by the layers even in our hot summers, and don't usually notice a feeling of extra clothing.

For fit, I like the Carinessa bottoms best; they don't ride up so much and don't roll up like the ones with no lace at the edges. But for changing at the gym, I wear cotton bottoms; easier to get out of.

I do wish the tops were made a little shorter; some of them go down way too far and have to be stuffed into my pants.

But on the whole, I prefer my garments to my old undies. They are soft and don't chafe (I get sore from panty elastic now during my period)--and I do wear my bra over the tops. An added bonus of this practice, which most of my friends do as well, is that my nipples are very babied and sensitive. This is a happy thing. :)

There is nothing wrong, and a lot right, with wearing pretty lingerie with your husband. But a lot of husbands really do find garments attractive (hey, it's underwear, what's not to love?), and some prefer to go straight to the naked part without bothering to get out the pretty stuff.

And, for the person worried about cost, garments are not as expensive as store-bought underwear. I think I've probably saved money with them. That's probably not true for the men, but it's just not that much.
posted by Anonymous at 5/07/2006 04:34:00 PM
Just have a quick question. Can anyone tell me which top has the least amount of sleeve?? I agree that the chemise sleeves are HUGE and baggy. I'm just looking for a nice snug fit...........anyone??
posted by Anonymous at 5/07/2006 05:41:00 PM
Personally, after 4 years, I've gotten to the point where I can tolerate garments. My advice would be to try all the different kinds, sizes and combinations of kinds and sizes. I've also had a bishop "ok" altering them if you are still struggling (but we also live in a place where we must order from SLC and thus the lead time can be outrageous.) Regardless, I do have a liteny of complaints of which every couple of years I write SLC about.

I'm a big drysilque girl... I think the midcalf is the best kept secret from younger women. As long as you aren't wearing shorts or a skirt, you can't beat the midcalf dryslique under pants... no lines, no hiking up, no sticking of the pants to your underlayer, etc. I scrunch the waist down as well (at 5'1", I'm still too petite for the petites!).

While I prefer to sleep nude and still do nearly 4 or 5 days a week (more likely to get action that way and I feel much more feminine as well), I can only sleep in the midcalf length as the above knee garments keep hiking and bunching as the night wears on.

Bottom line, try different things and don't be afraid to do what it takes to feel comfortable with your body in the bedroom.
posted by Anonymous at 5/08/2006 05:41:00 AM
I'll just add three short things to this long list of good posts.
1. Wearing a size or two larger works well for me. Some women like form fitting underclothing but for me roomy is better, cooler and bunches much less.
2. A few years ago my sister (who is the same size that I am) sent me various styles of garments that she wasn't wearing much because they were not comfortable. I tried them and she was right. They weren't comfortable. I much prefer the couple of styles and materials that work best for me. So, taking the time to find out what materials and styles work best for you is a good idea.
3. Both in the temple where I am a worker (Boston) and in the one where my aunt serves (Oakland)we are instructed not to give any specific instructions about the wearing of the garment other than that it is to be treated with respect and not altered to accommodate less modest clothing. So I'd say beyond that, do what seems best and wisest to you. It's really between you and the Lord, and what is best for sister is not always best for another.

After the initial awkwardness of finding what fit and what didn't it's been three decades of pretty comfortable wearing. Wish I could say the same about bras.
posted by Anonymous at 5/08/2006 07:38:00 AM
Huh. We go from fully clothed to naked in about 2.5 seconds, so I doubt DH ever sees the gs anyway. Not an issue.

Of course if it's planned in advance, seduction style, of COURSE, I wear something else... I wouldn't worry about it.

I wear the dry silk because they don't make me sweat and are fairly thin. I don't love them, but I don't notice them much anymore, except that they are usually peeking out of any shirt I wear, no matter how modest, except for turtlenecks. Oh well!
posted by Anonymous at 5/08/2006 09:25:00 AM
I also cannot take the layering of the "modest tees" in addition to garments during the summer. However, GAP now has "long" sizes online in most of their shirts which may help those of you with long torsos to prevent garments from showing.
posted by Anonymous at 5/08/2006 10:47:00 PM
My wife and I *never* wear our garments to bed. And that includes nights we "just sleep". I realize this will seem scandalous to some, but we are perfectly at peace with this decision which is all that matters. I see garments as a physical symbol and reminder of covenants I made with my wife and the Lord. I am not at all superstitious about my garments. I don't see them as some kind of supernatural or literal "shield" or "protector" as others seem to do. Therefore, when I sleep with my wife I do not need my garments as a reminder of the covenants I made. *She* is my reminder. And I obviously don't believe my garments will somehow magically protect me if the roof caves in or the bed catches on fire.

Some people just "feel more safe" if they where their garments to bed. This is fine of course. It springs from the same very human need to use symbols, tokens, prayers, ceremonies, etc. to protect oneself against the precarious unknown, and humans have been doing this since we lived in caves. Where special underwear provides this kind of security for one person or group, a necklace or hat or comb or mantra provides the same for another person or group. I'm sure many will disagree with me and argue that garments are somehow "different".
posted by Anonymous at 5/09/2006 12:07:00 PM
Hmmm, that's interesting anonymous about never wearing your garments to bed. What part of the initiatory did you miss? And how do you answer the temple recommend question that asks if you wear the garment "day and night as instructed in the temple"?

I think that the garment is a little different from a necklace or charm bracelet. But hey, maybe I'm wrong...
posted by Anonymous at 5/09/2006 05:47:00 PM
i'm still trying to get used to garments as I just recently went to the temple. A question I didn't see asked, but maybe I just missed it, is it okay if your garments - like the top - peak out (kind of like most guys garments do)? I don't know if this is frowned upon or not. They're not bad looking and look kind of cool layered, but I have a feeling it might not be kosher.

Also, any advice on what camisoles best cover garments? I'm trying to make my wardrobe garment friendly and I need some camisoles so I can still wear some of my shirts but not have my garments show.

Also, one of my cousin's best friends used to wear guy bottom garments but got rebuked by her bishop. Any official word anyone has heard on wearing male garments? I assume it is probably frowned upon, but don't know if thats official.
posted by tamrobot at 5/09/2006 07:03:00 PM
tamrobot-
Tops showing on women's? Never thought about that. But my gut tells me that you're probably right about it not being kosher. Probably because the guy's garments have two types of tops --the t-shirt one, meant to allow the top to show (which is really high) and the other kind that is meant to be covered. Ours is lacey and low, so I would go with covering it. :)

Anon--Hey, that's great that you and your wife feel "peace" about not wearing your garments at night, but I have to agree with the other Anon statement. How DO you respond to that question in the Temple Recommend interviews? I mean, seriously, how do you justify it? I just don't get it.
posted by Cheryl at 5/10/2006 06:40:00 AM
To Anon #2 and Cheryl…

I’m guessing by the way you each phrased your question that my answer to the not-wearing-garments-to-bed question will not suffice; in other words, we’ll probably just keep talking past each other. In general, our difference of opinion re garments is no different than any other difference of opinion related to commandments, obedience, interpretation of rules, law, etc. It basically comes down to two issues:

1.) How you approach the issue. Are commandments, symbols, promises, scriptures, etc. literal or figurative? Do you see things in shades of grey, or black and white? Read Richard Poll’s classic “What the Church Means to People like Me” and decide if you are an “Iron Rod” Member or a “Liahona” Member. See: http://content.lib.utah.edu/cgi-bin/docviewer.exe?CISOROOT=/dialogue&CISOPTR=2869&CISOSHOW=2813
2.) Personal Revelation vs. Institutional Revelation. (“Revelation” in each case used loosely to include answers to prayers, spiritual promptings, burnings in the bosom, in short: all gifts of the spirit). I imagine most LDS are governed by both forms of revelation, but how much do they line up? 100%? 90%? 50%? And what do you do when they don’t line up? Do you ignore what the institution says and go with your personal revelation? Or do you have more faith in the institution and choose to follow it, praying for further light and understanding?

I’d be surprised if either of you said that your personal revelation lined up with institutional revelation 100%. For example, you might feel strongly that polygamy is not part of God’s plan and never was, but this isn’t a deal breaker issue since it is not currently being practiced by the Church.

It is easy to see the “grey” when you discuss questions like: 1.) Keeping the Sabbath day holy, or 2.) Being honest with your fellow men, etc.. The question of wearing garments night and day is interesting because it is pretty black and white. (For determining “worthiness” or “righteousness” as in a temple recommend interview, black and white questions are the best, of course, because they are the easiest to “test”, the easiest way to separate the wheat from the chaff. By now it shouldn’t be a surprise to you that the whole idea of “determining worthiness” in general makes me cringe— it leads to pharisaical behavior on the one hand, and *sometimes* unnecessary guilt, anxiety, depression on the other...) So, having said all that, even a black and white issue like wearing garments is still governed by the two points above.

I’m reluctant to answer the question of how I answer a temple recommend question like this any further than I already have; it’s a personal question between me, the Bishop, and God. Having said that, I believe in being honest with the Bishop. How the Bishop responds to my honesty depends on a lot on how the Bishop responds personally (and ecclesiastically) to the two points above. In the end though it isn’t the Bishop who will judge me but God.

The Universalist in me thinks we’re both right. To quote a Blogger at Exponent II: "I love how there are so many paths to God. For some, it's through pure faith, obedience, and reliance on leaders. For others it's through grappling, thinking, talking and challenging. Different approaches, but hopefully a similar end for everyone, if our hearts are in the right place." I agree, but it sure leads to differences of opinion. To whit:

You might say: “Why would you let something so trivial keep you out of the Celestial Kingdom?”

I might say: “Because I don’t see why God would care one whit whether I wore my garments at night with my spouse or not. It is far too trivial.”

You might say: “It is trivial, but that isn’t the point… it is a commandment and it is there to teach us humility and obedience and to prove our willingness to follow God.”

I might say: “But I don’t believe God wants us to prove our obedience to him by blindly following inconsequential rules. I believe He wants us to use our minds and our hearts and to earnestly seek Him and serve others… that is how we show our humilitiy and willingness to follow God.”

And so it goes, back and forth…

Sorry for the length… Maybe I’ll address the comment that compared garmets to necklaces and charm bracelets later…
posted by Anonymous at 5/10/2006 02:47:00 PM
I second reading "What the Church Means to People Like Me" ..... great article...not doctrine...but it helped me sort out my testimony during college. I still have a copy of it....somewhere.

I'm definitely not judging anyone else's personal decisions regarding their garments.... but I am a BIG TIME Liahona and I've never been able to justify taking my garments off all night long on any kind of regular basis. I just find it more curious than anything...because I can justify a lot of other things!!!
posted by Jen at 5/10/2006 06:42:00 PM
"inconsequential rules".

Hmmm....

If the wearing of the garment both night and day was so inconsequential, than perhaps I would take it off more often than I do as well. I just don't see it that way. As I see, you do. Of course it is obvious that you've thought about it a lot.

Blindly following "institutional" revelation.

Another "hmmm..."

I guess with that thinking you could justify only paying 5% tithing --or perhaps only paying fast offerings once a decade. Or perhaps attending church 6 months out of the year. Or only drinking coffee on odd days.

And I'm not saying that you are somehow now unworthy to attend the Temple. If you are honest with the Lord and your Bishop and your Stake President, and they still give you a recommend, then to hell with what I say, because it really doesn't matter. But even with all your justifications, I could only see that as it is --a justification to "get around" the covenant of the garment (and please don't argue with me that it somehow isn't a covenant). You are a very intelligent person (as seen by your use of literature and jargon), but no matter how you explain it, it just sound hoky to me.

So, I guess the best thing for us to do is to part ways with an understanding that you are fine with what you do and I'm fine with what I do...
posted by Cheryl at 5/10/2006 08:03:00 PM
I didn't mean to suggest all Liahona Mormons would see the garment issue the same way I do. I'm a Liahona Mormon, but we Liahonas come in all shapes and sizes. (As do Iron Rods.)

As for wearing garments at night, I'm curious... Besides the fact that it is a "commandment", is there another compelling reason why you'd wear them? (I'm not diminishing the because-its-a-commandment reason, the Liahona in me is just curious what the other reasons are.)

Cheryl, you are a champion "sigher"... hmmmmm...

I'm not trying to "get around" anything. I'm just trying to figure out what I believe and how God wants me to live and act for myself. I'm happy to listen to your advice and/or the prophet's advice. I'm sure it sounds "hoky" to you, but frankly, this whole thread re garments sounds a little "hoky" to me.

Your suggestion to "part ways" seems a little dramatic, but I appreciate your respect for my unique point of view. I used to share your point of view so I understand where you are coming from. (Note that that is not a value judgement meant to signal that my point of view is now superior to yours.)

What I find interesting is the surety we all feel regarding our hard-faught-for points of view. I was absoultely sure I was right re garments-at-night (and a host of other issues) once upon a time, and I have to admit I fantasized that the day would come (in the next life) when I'd be able to humbly tell those who disagreed with me: "See? I told you so."

Now I see many things exactly opposite as I did before, and yet the same fantasy remains. I have a few well-meaning born again friends who essentially say the same thing to me all the time: "Anonymous, you will one day find out the Book of Mormon is a pack of lies, but then it will be too late!"

The funny thing is I think we'll get to the next life and find out we were both right: that wearing garments at night was right for you, and not wearing them was right for me, because our hearts were in the right place and we sincerely asked the Lord regarding His will.

But maybe you are right and I am wrong. Take care.
posted by Anonymous at 5/10/2006 09:46:00 PM
Anonymous & Cheryl, re: altering the Garment, I still stand by my comment. The fact that there are so many different styles available means that the Garment has certain characteristics and standards to meet, but is my no means limited to one way of being made.
To put my suggestion in perspective, I knew a girl who bought several chemise tops, and when she opened the first one it came, quite literally down to her knees. Would her hacking a few inches off the bottom of it be considered wrong (provided she doesn't cut off one of the markings)? I highly doubt it.
I believe that when we are told not to alter the Garment, it means that we aren't to alter what makes it "The Garment." If you have a good understanding of the principle and are acting in good faith I see nothing wrong with making it fit.
(Also as a disclaimer, I haven't altered my garments at all because I've found some that fit me just fine.)
posted by Starfoxy at 5/10/2006 10:09:00 PM
Hmmm...(means I'm thinking)

~sigh~ (means I'm sighing)

For some insane reason, I just had to clarify that. :)
posted by Cheryl at 5/11/2006 06:35:00 AM
What the heck is a Liahona Mormon? Am I not "Momon enough" if I have to ask?
posted by chloe at 5/11/2006 07:26:00 AM
I must really be an odd one out here. I love the garments with the elastic around the thigh. I hate my garments that creep up my leg when I sleep. I wish they would make more with the elastic. I also love my maternity garments. I have never been so comfortable to have something that is loose. I hate wearing tight clothing so I hope they never get to the skin huggers.
posted by Tigersue at 5/11/2006 07:52:00 PM
I must really be an odd one out here. I love the garments with the elastic around the thigh. I hate my garments that creep up my leg when I sleep. I wish they would make more with the elastic. I also love my maternity garments. I have never been so comfortable to have something that is loose. I hate wearing tight clothing so I hope they never get to the skin huggers.
posted by Tigersue at 5/11/2006 07:58:00 PM
I love my garments (find them more comfy than panties), took a while to get used to them (started wearing them in August), wear thin wife beaters (Men's small from WalMart) to cover, and I LOVE ONE-PIECE GARMENTS. Sure, it's a little weird at first, but they're amazingly comfortable. And if you're two different sizes (top and bottom) go with the bigger size.
posted by Anonymous at 5/12/2006 01:38:00 PM
I would like to tell you all that dry-silk one-piece garments have significantly improved my quality of life. I hated having that tiny, tight elastic band on my waist all the time (it's awful when you're also wearing nylons, a slip, and a skirt). One-piece are great because there's nothing on your waist. You're not worried about tucking tops into bottoms all the time. I actually feel thinner and more free wearing them (when wearing regular underwear like to go to a doctor's appointment, I wish that I could be wearing my onesie instead). The sleeves are also very short, so it's easy to wear shirts with cap sleeves. You can get one kind with a split crotch (it just kind of folds over) or one with a closed crotch that has flared legs (great for summer because then ou don't need a slip and aren't at risk for showing anything). Going to the bathroom is no big deal, although it's usually easier to just wair regular bottoms during TOM. I tried pregnancy and nursing garments, but in the end just got larger sizes of one-pieces (I've got a couple sizes for each stage of pregnancy). At the very least, try getting one (slightly larger size) for sleeping in at night. You'll thank me! I'm trying to proselytize the one-piece wherever I go.
posted by Anonymous at 5/29/2006 09:33:00 AM
thanks for this thread... going to be wearing these next month...
posted by Anonymous at 12/08/2008 01:33:00 PM
I found it interesting that not one person (except a negative comment about the garments being a man-made idea)thought about the significance of the garments. "He that is faithful in little will be faithful in much."
The pioneers and the way they had to dress was excrutiating at times compared to todays styles. And think about Adam and Eve having to get used clothing after who knows how long walking around naked in the garden. And unprocessed and softened animal skins and that!
I agree, getting used to the garments is not easy (I've been wearing them now for 8 yrs). It feels unnatural at first, and for most it takes some time to find the style that's right for you. My husband recently received his endowments and is going through that phase, but he is faithful in wearing his garments daily.
They are from God just as surely as the clothing he gave to Adam and Eve (think about what you learned in the Temple).
If you're having a hard time with the garments, take the time to talk to your Heavenly Father about it. I'm going through the menopause hot-flashe stage and live in Southen California! There were days I would literally go through 2-3 pairs of garments, and get so hot I would get very close to fainting. Now, before getting dressed, I pray about the day, my activities that are planned and my garments. I will admit I have days I cannot wear them, especially if I am in and out the heat all day running errands and so forth. I have talked to my Father and feel at ease with my decision. I ALWAYS wear them to Church, the Temple and any spiritual activities. no matter what the temperature. Prayer helps me a lot as garments are my Fathers provision.
I am very short and have a difficult time with the waitband and I also have a difficult time with skirt length and garment bottoms. I do some tucking and scrnching, but each time you feel uncomfortable, remember Adam and Eve and our pioneer brothers and sisters...
posted by Anonymous at 7/19/2009 10:09:00 AM
So I have worn and not worn garments for over a decade now and I have to say this the rise on the bottom is soooo LONG! To get them even half way decent I have to buy petite which is really only shorter in the leg not the crotch. I don't know how on earth they figure the rise out. I am thankful to have them for the blessings they give but I was wondering if there was a way to get them custom made or be able to alter them as I have tried every single kind with no avail
posted by Heidi at 10/18/2011 09:37:00 PM
I read further down this blog and wanted to say my rise problem isn't for just comfort literally its like im not wearing any underwear at all when wearing skirts as I am bare until about 3 inches after my crotch. The cotton doesnt even come close to the point its supposed to hit its on my thigh..... This is not about modesty but functionality. If i wear pants they bunch all the extra fabric into a ball and it goes the only place it can up the back. I though wedgies would be over if I wore long underwear but boy was I wrong. Ive tried ever type and cut they just don't fit. I have a large bottom and legs not much tummy and this is where I see most of the fabric. To get them to fit in the leg the must be a larger size...... When I am home I just have to take the bottom off. They drive me insane....
posted by Anonymous at 10/18/2011 10:22:00 PM
I am glad I came across this post. I have been married and endowed for almost 8 years and I HATE wearing garments. Not only are they really uncomfortable, but they are also extremely unattractive. My DH likes it when I wear them because it shows my commitment, etc. But he's told me before that he doesn't even have any sexual desire for me when he knows I have my Gs on. Ugh. I hate feeling restricted. When I am wearing them I feel frumpy and probably the last thing I would call myself is sexy. I think it is very important for a woman to feel sexy, beautiful, and desirable, and these Gs are just not cutting it for me in that department. I believe in the temple, but I feel like it's almost not worth it to wear them because of how they make me feel. I think, would HF WANT me to feel like that? Aren't women supposed to be beautiful? I feel like garments kind of defeat the purpose of God's creation ha. It's like he made a beautiful woman, and then said Oh, lets make her unattractive now by making her wear these ugly undies that will completely turn a man off (even her husband).
I don't know, maybe I need to look past the negative, but I have been having issues with this the whole 7 years of my marriage, and no matter how much I think about them representing a commitment with God, I can't get over the fact that I hate them. So bad.
posted by Sarah at 6/13/2012 12:06:00 AM
At least we don't have to wear the original garments that went down to the ankles and wrists!

...and don't get me started about the temple ceremony before 1989!! SO glad they changed it!!!
posted by Anonymous at 11/14/2012 01:43:00 PM
I know it has been quite some time since the original post, but there's something I've come across that helps with breastfeeding. Maternity tops are a fail, but if you wear the new carinessa tops they stretch well. I just pull mine down below my breast to feed and slide it back up when I'm finished. It's much easier, and there's not tons of extra fabric. I also just bought talls to cover my big pregnant belly, and I'm 5'8".
posted by Piper at 5/23/2013 09:47:00 PM

Friday, May 05, 2006

A question from a frustrated newlywed: Do garments ever get better?

63 Comments:

Contributors

For the Mom-to-Be

So You Want To...

Our Tributes to NYC

Blogs We Cruise

Links We Love

Previous Posts