17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.
Monday, May 08, 2006
The Best Mother's Day Ever
There is a family legend of sorts that gets retold every year right around this time. It happened years ago, back when my sister had a house full of children (now three of them are married and gone). The day was Mother's Day and her husband and children did NOTHING. Or what they did do was an obvious, last-minute, half-assed attempt to honor their mother. I can't remember which. Personally, both are pretty bad in my book. So, at the close of this truly pathetic Mother's Day, my sister gathered her family together and told them she was officially declaring that the next Sunday would again be Mother's Day. She was giving them another chance to do it right.
I might be getting the story all wrong. I did say the story has become a legend which means the facts might be changed, but the moral has remained intact. You may disagree with the moral and/or the tactic, but I just love it. And I'll be honest, I'm probably the only one that retells this story every year...to my husband...as a reminder that I, like my sister, will not accept a less than fabulous Mother's Day.
But the truth is, I am really not sure what makes a truly fabulous Mother's Day.
When I was younger, we would always spend Mother's Day doting on my mom. Breakfast in bed, lunch, dinner all prepared and cleaned up by the family. It seemed like the least we could do given that the other 364 days of the year she cared for us. But, she would always tell us how uncomfortable she felt when we served her because the thing that made her the most happy was serving us. I never understood it. I mean, I do get joy from serving my family, but I am more than happy to be served as well. What would make the best Mother's Day ever for my own mom?
Last year, I remember talking to some Tales girls about Mother's Day and it seemed like the thing we wanted most (and what we got) was to a break from our Mothering duties. When I think about it, it's sort of a strange request for Mother's Day. Right?
I think my best Mother's Day ever falls somewhere between these two extremes. I would love to have my children around me, but maybe only when they are clean, happy and fed. I would love to have a nice meal where we all work to make it together, but I don't want to clean up. I would love any gift homemade or bought that said to me: "we spent some time thinking about you and what you might like." I am not looking for extravagance. Just thoughtfulness.
What would make the Best Mother's Day ever for you? And what are doing for your own mother?
(Maybe we'll get some husbands to stop by and take a look so we won't have to have any "do-overs" this year).
14 Comments:
there's a fine balance in 'the perfect mother's day'- I want to be acknowledged, I want to be fed, I want a thoughtful gift, and I want to have fun. it's not hard, really, but theres too much pressure to have a 'perfect day'
posted by Anonymous at 5/09/2006 02:17:00 PM
Is it really so wrong to want a break from your kids on Mother's Day? Right now, that is something I get very little of...and crave.
I could justify by saying that it will rejuvinate me so I'll be a better mom. However, with church and DH working on Sunday, doubt it will happen.
posted by Jen at 5/09/2006 05:37:00 PM
newmom - I'm sure you deserve to be celebrated! I know how you feel, being a mom myself for only 2 1/2 months, but at the same time we sure work hard!
I would like sleep, sleep, and more SLEEP! (hence having a 2 1/2 month old). I would love my DH to offer to do a feeding in the middle of the night so that I could actually get 5 or 6 hrs. of sleep in a row! And I want to spend time with my little boy, but as newmom says, I will leave the spitting up, crying, and poop for DH.
Jen - I think it's definitely okay to want (and need) a break from our kids. Especially when DH is working TONS. My DH is working so much right now, too. He is home before 11pm maybe one night a week. So to know on Mother's Day that I won't be the only one in the house to nurture a crying baby --- that sounds like a GREAT Mother's Day.
posted by Beth at 5/09/2006 06:59:00 PM
I don't care much about Mother's Day. Is that weird? I guess I have just gotten used to a DH who has many amazing qualities, but not really in the partying/romancing category. Like last night I thought...wouldn't it be nice if he made me hot chocolate without me telling him so that I came home from the cold rainy night to drink it? But that doesn't happen with him.
So...I bet I will at most get pancakes, which DD and DH like more than me anyway....whatever, I am pretty sure they love me.
posted by Kage at 5/10/2006 04:19:00 AM
Mother's Day has always been better than my birthday. Gifts, flowers, no cooking, no cleaning, seeing #1 sing with the Primary kids while I ball my eyes out. :) The only thing I would change is the attitude DH has about it. Well, it's the same attitude he has about birthdays and Christmas and Valentine's --he waits until the night before to do anything. I know without any doubt, that the Saturday night before Mother's Day, he will be taking the kids with him to do some "errands".
I'll probably look back on that with fondness --and sometimes I laugh about it now --but I think it would just be nice if some effort and thought was put into his efforts to "honor" me, you know?
posted by Cheryl at 5/10/2006 06:29:00 AM
Jen,
I don't think it is wrong to want time away from your kids, I want it too. I guess it's my mother's words that leave me feeling some guilt for it. But you have to admit it is funny that the thing we want for mother's day is to escape from being a mother for a while. Anyway, I think you should officially declare another day to be Mother's Day. Maybe a day DH is not working?
newmom,
Totally agree with Beth on this one. Even though you did not go through physical labor with your child which I think give any new mother a sense of entitlement when it comes to Mother's day, the emotional labor you had to go through to get AF is reason enough to do some honoring and celebrating this sunday.
I feel the same way about honoring my own mother. The longer I am a mom, they more I feel nothing is adequate in expressing my thankfulness for the support and sacrafice she has given on behalf of her children.
Kage, speaking of the pancakes that your DH and DD love more than you, it totally reminds me of my dad. He always prepares a really big Mother's Day dinner--heavy on the meat and potatoes (what he really likes). If we were to prepare what my mom loves, we would be eating some really great salads.
My DH isn't the romantic type either, but I know he appreciates some direction when it comes to days like this.
posted by This is Carrie at 5/10/2006 07:46:00 AM
I think my perfect mother's day would be a perfect family day. Before that could take place, I would like the house cleaned up so I don't curse when I trip out the door on the way to church. And I don't want to have to get the kids ready for church by myself, get them to church by myslef, sit with them by myself, and then get them home by myself.
After church, DH could spearhead the dinner preparations while I read a book in my room. Then we have a nice dinner together (with some divine chocolate dessert) and then go on a spring walk, read some books together and do some other family things, and then DH puts the kids to bed.
So, Carrie, in thinking about the irony of "give me time away from my kids for a great mother's day", yes, that's part of it somewhat. But, more, I think that for me, I would love to not have the menial household tasks to worry about and be in charge of. And to have time together as a family.
posted by Belle at 5/10/2006 11:25:00 AM
cc- I love that idea. Last Mother's Day, I recieved an e-mail from a friend of mine. She sent it out to a group of her mom friends. It really meant a lot to me. I think it's a great idea to remember fellow mother's on this special day. Here's the message I got:
Thank you for being the most amazing group of mothers that I have ever known. I am so glad that I have found you all and that you are helping me to raise my daughters.
Your commitment, energy, love, dedication, service, and support have edified and enriched my life and the life of my girls. Thank you for mothering me and for mothering them.
Our kids are at the age where they don't show much appreciation, but when I see the way they look at you and you at them, I know that you are magnifying your call as mother. Thank you and enjoy the day.
posted by This is Carrie at 5/10/2006 03:12:00 PM
Michelle,
Your day sounds great. I totally agree with taking away the menial parts of motherhood for a day. I am going to remember to set out all the church clothes for the girls on Saturday night so it's really easy for dh to get them ready in the morning. It would be nice to take a slightly longer shower and maybe not have to put on my makeup in the car on the way to church--at least for one day.
posted by This is Carrie at 5/10/2006 03:18:00 PM
Hey Kathi,
I was hoping you would stop by and make sure I got the story correct. Oh to have grown up children upon whom you may look back and say -- hey, I did a good job. Right now, I think I need the meal, a gift, a vision of my children as true angels and some quiet time to encourage me to keep on going. I definitely believe that days like mother's day and father's day are great chances to teach children gratitude and how to express it. I hope you don't feel like you did the wrong thing 10 years ago. I think it's great.
As for our angel mother, there is absolutely NOTHING I could ever do that could truly express my gratitude for her. She is a wonderful example of a woman who embraced her calling as a mother with all her heart and found joy in doing so even with all the sacrafices I know she made. I am so glad that I will be able to spend this MOther's Day with her. It''s been a long time.
posted by This is Carrie at 5/10/2006 06:23:00 PM
This will be the "Best Mothers Day Ever" because I am finally a mom! However, in reading all of your comments, I think our husbands really set the tone for M Day. My dad always made a big deal out of mothers day and so did we (as her kids). We'll see what my hubby does this year, as my one month old probably won't be making me bfast in bed, and go from there. I think having a husband who appreciates what I do as a mother is a great blessing.
posted by Melissa at 5/11/2006 10:58:00 PM
Random thought: I have never been pregnant on Mother's Day, but I think that would have been my most favorite one, to know I was the newest mom I could be. The only Father's Day I remember was the one when I had just a few days before found out I was expecting. So it was our first family day celebration. It was also cool that only DH and I knew...and nobody else...ok except my co-worker and the nurse that told me I was pregnant.
posted by Kage at 5/12/2006 06:46:00 AM
This is a little late I know. but 'From Grandma to You' is the cutest book! 60 Grandmothers from around the world came together to share, thoughts, concerns, and joys about being a mom and grandmother. It will make you cry and laugh all in the same chapter. Check it out. So cute.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/
1402718683/sr=8-1/qid=1147444820/
ref=pd_bbs_1/104-9729564-1779111?%5
Fencoding=UTF8
posted by Anonymous at 5/12/2006 07:51:00 AM
My son wanted to play motorcycles at 6:15 am and my dh and I were eyeing each other seeing who would get to pop back into bed and who would play with ds. During the pause (where I figured dh would take the chance to let me sleep--and I would have accepted), my cute boy said, "How about I play with Mom since it's Mother's Day!" It was so sweet and I think it made him feel just as good as it made me feel. :) I did get a nap that afternoon--which was great. I love the little things on mother's day--cards, meals, naps, family time. Gifts can end up being not quite right--but you can't go wrong with the others (in my book).
posted by Katie at 5/16/2006 04:40:00 PM
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