17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Words from Mom: Crazy Years = Happy Years

Over the next few months we will be featuring guest posts from some of
our favorite people---our moms. We hope their messages will bring
added hope, wisdom and perspective to our lives as crazy, "young" moms.
The first post is from my mom:

How nice to reflect on motherhood as we approach Mother's Day. I am a mother of four with eleven years separating our oldest and youngest children. One year I had a busy Freshman in High School; a busy sixth grader in middle school; a kindergartner (which is a nightmare in itself) and a child attending preschool. Those were the days that I filled my gas tank twice a week.

Those were crazy days with a husband in the Bishopric and me serving in the Stake Young Women Presidency. There were countless lessons, practices, rehearsals, homework, meals, talks, tears, laughs. I look back and wonder how I ever did it. But I also look back on the happiest years of my life... everyone living under our roof. I am a little teary-eyed just writing it. How quickly the time has passed with child # 3 readying himself to leave the nest as he graduates from high school this May. This will be a tough one to lose.

I think I have always tried to have a sense of humor, but even with a sense of humor, a mom can snap. With only two children at home I rarely raise my voice. But with four children at home, I did my share of yelling and that is something I regret. I was stressed out alot of the time. I wish I had had the peace and assurance I have as an older mother. I have learned that yelling or being angry accomplishes nothing. It only makes you feel guilty and everyone else feel bad. Staying calm and in control fosters love and self esteem. Remember the Savior said, "Come unto me", not "Go away!".

One night I had a dream that I was telling this man about my life. I told him how busy I was and my concerns for my children; my husband; myself. How could I get everything done and meet everyone's needs and do it well? This man was so understanding. He listened intently. He comforted me and said all the right things that I needed to hear. The whole time I talked to him I never looked at his face but suddenly I caught a glimpse of his shoe. His shoe was a sandal.... and I knew that I was receiving assurance from the Savior that I was doing my best to be a good wife and mother. I have drawn from that experience many times over the years.

Before I close, I would like to say a word about being a grandmother. One time when I was helping Kage with a new baby (Poopy), Pukey was going around the room asking her dad if people were mad at her. When she got to me she said, "Daddy, is Grammy mad at me?" And her daddy said, "No, Grammy will never be mad at you." And that is the greatest joy of being a grandmother because he is right. I would never be mad at her. When she and her sister visit our house and I yell at the dog, they get a look of panic on their faces as if to say, "we have never heard that tone of voice from Grammy before...." And that is the joy of being a grandmother. My grandchildren will never hear "that tone of voice". Thank you for letting me share some thoughts as an older mother and a young grandmother! Happy Mothers Day to all especially to my dear daughter who I think is the best mother in the world.


  • Grammy/Mom--Thanks for saying I am the best mom.

    And just FYI I thought yelling was totally allowed b/c you were the perfect mom and you yelled. I am guessing I heard a little more of it than any other kid....

    And what a nice gift that dream must have been at a time when probably no one else knew what you were going through.

    Love you mom.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 5/08/2006 06:58:00 AM  

  • I LOVE the part of the story when you say, "Grammy will never be mad at you"! That is so sweet and endearing. And it is so true. To this day my "Grammy" had never been mad at me - at least not to my knowledge :) - and she is this sweet & loving woman that I know I can always depend on to just love me. Such a great story. Thanks for sharing with us.
    posted by Blogger Beth at 5/08/2006 08:43:00 AM  

  • Kage's Mom,

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us. As my kids get older, I am realizing that chauffer becomes a huge role of mom. I am not sure I like it very much (although I really enjoy having a car now after 6 years without) and I know it is going to get much worse. Yikes! Nice to hear that you think back on it as the happiest years of your life. It would be nice to have that same perspective while we're in it. Do you think it's possible?
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 5/08/2006 04:12:00 PM  

  • The correct spelling is chauffeur.
    Thank you dictionary.com
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 5/08/2006 04:17:00 PM  

  • Kage's mom -

    I already know that you are a super cool mom because Kage is cool :)

    My kids are little still but I can already tell that times are the best when we are "in the thick" of it with callings and playdates and making the house look decent and working and potty training and teaching. Life feels full...and happy.

    I also like your perspective of how life was happiest when everyone was living under the same room. My husband and I frequently joke about how great it will be when all of these people (there are ONLY 2 kids, mind you) that live with us will be out and on their own so that we can travel the world and sleep in. But for all of our jokes...I know that we'll miss these times now.

    Thank you for your post and Happy Mothers Day!
    posted by Blogger chloe at 5/08/2006 04:55:00 PM  

  • Ahh, I love perspective! Thank you, kage's mom for that bit of advice about yelling...and about everyone being under the same roof...You sound like a great mom/grandma. :)
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 5/08/2006 08:46:00 PM  

  • agree with everything you are saying:

    "I have learned that yelling or being angry accomplishes nothing. It only makes you feel guilty and everyone else feel bad. Staying calm and in control fosters love and self esteem."

    But how do I turn this knowledge into my everyday reality? Do you have any tips to staying calm and developing patience while the children are small and crazy? It is so easy to snap. I don't want to wait until I am older to become a patient, calm, peaceful mother. I want my young children to experience that mother right now.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 5/09/2006 12:24:00 PM  

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