Swimsuit Model no more

So I am what they call a commercial print model. I am the woman who looks decent enough to sell a product but does not have what it takes to be a model, model, model, as I call them. In other words, I am at a healthy weight, and I cannot remember a time when I didn't have cellulite.

I have always been interested in the Beauty Industry, and dreamed of being a model, but I did not aspire to it until I lost about 20 pounds after giving birth (please don't hate me). I have been doing it for a little over 2 years now, and having a great time.

I was recently chosen to participate in a swimwear story for Prevention magazine. I was a little apprehensive about it, but have similar feelings as Jen when she posted about loving her body post-babies, and so I am pretty comfortable with my body. Seriously if I can poop, pee and puke on another woman (my poor poor midwife), and groan (like some animal I am certain is extinct) while giving birth, I can literally do anything, including pose in a swimsuit for the world to see.

When I arrived to the set, it was a full circle moment for me because about a year to the day earlier, I shot a story for them about eating eggs while pregnant, and I was VERY pregnant. It was nice to walk in with my body "back" one year later. It was a day of firsts for me b/c I had never had my entire body bronzed, I had 16 inch hair extensions (for a previous job), that had never been photographed, and I would be wearing a variety of swimwear.

I was slightly nervous at first, but I ended up having a great time on set and feeling beautiful to boot. I learned where to place my body so that I looked the most flattering, and there was even a wind machine. Whenever the "you look so ugly in a swimsuit" thoughts crept in, I just reminded myself that photoshop was my best friend, and they could edit out the flaws. It was a good lesson for me to know that when I am feeling down about anything (especially when it comes to my MOTHERING), I can just be my photoshopped self until I figure out how to strengthen my weaknesses...but I digress.

The client seemed happy with the photos, and I thought the polaroids indicated that I looked good. Oh by the way, the story (if you click on the link you will see) was about choosing a flattering swimsuit for your figure flaw. My figure flaw?....drumroll please....SMALL BREASTS (among other things). And I left feeling on top of the world that I had conquered a fear and that I would be able to share that publicly...and my boobs did look a little bigger.

I got on the website today to check for the photos, and (gasp) they re-shot my portion with a different model. There I was clicking away and another model had on every single suit that I modeled. Don't worry, I still get paid and everything, but my ego was bruised. I was willing to conquer my fear of not only appearing in a swimsuit but being photographed for all to see, and then I was given the shaft. My wise mother suggested it was divine intervention (ok there were a few rather skimpy bikinis), but I was a little bruised nonetheless.

I think it is safe to say that was my first and last swimsuit modeling job....ah...it was fun while it lasted.