17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Kids Say Funny Things

We all know that some of the funniest sentiments uttered come out of the mouths of children. Whether repeating what they've heard elsewhere, dredging up the things we tell them and packaging them in a unique way, or coming up with something completely out of their own imaginations, it's often amusing, and sometimes embarrassing, to listen to what comes out of children’s mouths. Especially when they're your own kids.

We wanted to create a space where you can come to post the funny things your kids say. There will be a link on the sidebar for your convenience, so anytime something worth publishing pops out of your child's mouth, feel free to share with all of us. We can all use an extra laugh or smile!

So, with that, I'll start. I have two children. DD is 4 1/2. She has always been verbal, and has a penchant for dramatic and exaggerated language. (She inherited that from her dad.) Statements such “I love you so very dearly” are typical. DS is 1 1/2 and is in that glorious stage of fast mapping, where he tries to repeat everything he hears, and every day, he adds several new words to his working vocabulary. It is so satisfying at a visceral level to hear him ask for hummus.

In the last few weeks, here are some funny things they have said:

I was upstairs and DD was watching the end of "Rescuers Down Under." All of a sudden, I hear her laughing uproariously, and yelling, "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" She later explained that the villain had gone over a waterfall.

On a recent Saturday, she was in my room with me, and she said, "Mom, what's wrong? The house is clean." I asked her what made her think I was upset. She said, "Well, you were growling." I continue to believe that at that moment I was in a fine mood and that I didn't even so much as sigh. But, maybe I do occasionally growl about the clutter in the house!

Then there was the time when I was belting out "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow" and she said, "Easy, Mom, EASY!"

Today, we were headed out the door to church and DS scurried out onto the porch saying "Hurry! Hurry!" Not to hard to tell where that one comes from since it seems like I am perpetually telling them both to hurry when we are on our way to church. By the way, the hardest part about DH's meetings before church is getting my kids out the door by myself and making it into the chapel in a non-frenzied, semi-pleasant mood. I failed miserably today.

And when DH asked DS to do something the other day, forgetting to use the magic word, DS went over and rubbed his clenched fist on DH's chest, while at the same time saying "pease." (You rub your fist on your chest to say please in sign language, and we always require DS to do it when he wants something.)


  • This post is so hilarious and what my DH and I laugh (or stare in shock and fright) about something new our DD(who is 4) says everyday. Tonight as we (MEANING of course my husband and I and Lena instead PLAYING with the toys she was supposed to be picking up) were picking up her room before bed she said, "MOM, Puh-lease don't BOTHER ME WITH DETAILS!" And there are many more. She gets them from movies, US, and friends. Sometimes they are NOT so funny. For example, the other saturday DH was fixing a toilet in our guest room, and it was turning into a more difficult thing than he anticipated. Well let's just say he had not yelled at anything that way in a long time. The next day as my DD was working on some crafty project, she is sitting on the floor and I hear her litle voice, in a tone of utter frustration go, "....this thing is such a PIECE OF CRAP!" And I just did not even know what to do. I am hoping it will not come up again.
    posted by Blogger Rachel H at 3/05/2006 08:53:00 PM  

  • Great idea. Your kids are hilarious!

    My youngest is the funny one in our family. I've saved some quotes, from various ages:

    "I know how you say 'apple' in sign language. You take an apple and do this with it," holding an apple up and shaking it. (Age 6)

    "I know a song no one's ever heard before!" and Elijah started singing:

    Oooh, yeah--I will save you from the bad guys
    Oooh, yeah--I won't let them get you

    I asked him if he made it up himself, he said, "No. I heard it from Elijah 2
    and Elijah 3." (Elijah 2 and Elijah 3 were his newest imaginary friends. Age 6)

    "Mom, does the power of the microwave really come from the earth's core?" - Elijah makes himself some soup. (age 10)

    "I get hungry, and I get full. THAT'S MY LIFE. It's not your life! SHUT UP!" Elijah, age 8

    "What if VH1 didn't save the music?" - Elijah, age 8

    "Do you think that people should love their butt? I think so. Cuz if you didn't have one you couldn't go poo. And your butt would get really fat." - Elijah, age 9

    "For some reason I don't know what I'm thinking." - Elijah, age 9

    "I'm not really into bluesy stuff. I'm more into techno...and rock. Cuz that's what Linkin Park is made of." - Elijah, age 9

    He's 11 now, and still very hypersensitive and overdramatic. My husband asked him this morning, "Who invented the yoyo?" and he said, "How am I supposed to know? I'm just a stupid boy with no feelings!"

    One final story, at age 6:

    Elijah was wearing a shirt with the number 7 on it, and I told him that was my favorite number. I asked him what his favorite number was, he said without even blinking, "3,000."

    I told him my favorite word was "enthusiasm." I asked him what his favorite word was, and he said, "Seven!"

    Then he said, "No, not really. My favorite word is--Mom!"
    posted by Blogger Susan M at 3/05/2006 09:05:00 PM  

  • My two-year-old son, a couple of weeks ago: "Hef-knee Fadar, Thank thee for...(pause, Mommy starts to help, son plows on)...fife, six, seben, eight...name of Ge-sees Cie-st, AMEN"

    It's funnier when you say it out loud.
    posted by Blogger Keryn at 3/05/2006 09:47:00 PM  

  • One of my favorites from my DS is when he asked, "Mom, do you think astronauts are closer to heaven than all of us?"
    posted by Blogger Tri Mama at 3/05/2006 09:55:00 PM  

  • On #2's 3rd birthday:

    Dh: "You're 3 today! It's your birthday!"

    #2: "no, I'm 2"

    Dh: "No, you're three!"

    #2: "No, I have to be 2 because I didn't eat my vegetables!"
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 3/06/2006 08:52:00 AM  

  • After a way too long road trip to Utah, my 5 year old was complaining, so my dh dove in with a story about the pioneers and all they had to suffer through, and she said, "Dad, I really care about those people, but I don't care about this right now." Nice.
    posted by Blogger wendysue at 3/06/2006 09:08:00 AM  

  • What a great idea for a blog! My oldest is a veritable gold mine for great quotes. When he was about 3 or so, he said, "Mom! I know why it's called a coffee table! Because that's where you go when you have to cough!"

    Then, when he was 4, his favorite thing was watching home improvement shows with my dad. So we were over at my parents house one day and he asks me, "Mom, does the ocean have a floor?" I told him that yes, it did have a floor. "Well, who made the ocean floor?" As I got ready to launch into my lecture about God making everything, he plowed on: "Was it Bob Vila?" I thought my dad was going to wet himself from laughing.
    posted by Blogger Julie at 3/06/2006 09:24:00 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    posted by Blogger Ender at 3/06/2006 09:42:00 AM  

  • While in primary as a teacher, during singing time, we were learning a new song. The music leader had written all the words of the song on the board so that the words could be memorized. After singing the song a few times and after each time singing she would erase a word. Once near the end, she asked what word should come off next. One child said “Take it all off!” Well, the adults started to laugh and you all know that when people laugh at what one child says, they all have to say it! Soon several of the children were saying: take it all off!” “Take it all off!” We were still laughing, but we were also hoping that the voices weren’t being carried too far, or that someone wasn’t walking by wondering what was going on!
    posted by Blogger Ender at 3/06/2006 09:44:00 AM  

  • Tonight in FHE #2 launched another 2 classics:

    I had told her and her sister to help clean up and then I asked dh to help us, too. He layed there saying "oh, I'm too tired" and then #2 said "Hey, you are a part of this family, dad! You need to help!"

    Then, ironically, it was her turn for the FHE lesson (yes, even our 3 year old gets to teach a lesson) and she taught us about Jesus. She said, almost word for word:

    "Jesus was in Heaven with Heavenly Father, and then he was Resurrected!"
    We asked her why he was resurrected.
    "Because he died"
    We asked her why he died.
    "Because he wasn't very smart."

    NO JOKE!

    We proceeded to talk together about why Jesus really died for us and watched a great video about it. But I swear, it was so hard not to laugh at her innocence. :) :)
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 3/06/2006 06:04:00 PM  

  • Before Jacob was potty trained, I heard him playing with his trains, chatting with them. I heard him say, "Oh, Trevor, you need to poop? You need to go potty? Ok, go potty, here's the toilet", and he put his train on a lego, made appropriate grunting noises, then said, "good poops, Trevor."

    We also recently had some issues with our computer. We went over to use Grandma's computer, and Jacob said, "Grandma, we have to use your computer, because our computer is a meese of JUNK!"
    posted by Blogger Heather O. at 3/06/2006 06:37:00 PM  

  • Pukasaur has given me her disease and I am just now emerging from two days of "stuff"...a total of which weighed 7 pounds...yup that is how much I have lost in 36 hours. There are of course hundreds but the latest was said by the Pukasaur who turned 4 today...with great authority: Mom, the spanish word for Medicine is Kedicine. Me: Where did you learn that? Pukey: I made it up.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 3/07/2006 03:39:00 PM  

  • Michelle, I remember when your DD was around 2 and would say: "I have a question" but would never have a question...so cute. I also remember her talking in complete sentences VERY early...very articulate that one.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 3/07/2006 04:11:00 PM  

  • Oh Kage, 7 lbs? Please tell me you're drinking tons of fluids and taking care of yourself. How awful awful awful. You need some good kedicine I guess.
    posted by Blogger marian at 3/07/2006 07:30:00 PM  

  • When I snapped at my son to get his butt away from the DVD player, he began to cry and said to me: "My butt wasn't touching it! It was my hands!!"
    posted by Blogger Us at 3/07/2006 09:30:00 PM  

  • Two gems from today with my children:

    We went furniture shopping and there was a waterfall in the store. I allowed my kids to basically bathe in it while I picked out a dining room set (I know, what a responsible mom I am). After we got back in the car my 3 year old son said, "Mom, that waterfall was SOOOO fun. Thank you! There is so much to discover...TOGETHER!"

    Whaaaaaat? The pregnant pause before announcing "together" was what really got me. Where on earth did he hear this phrase?

    Driving home I told the 3 year old that he had to keep the 17 month old awake and suggested he tell her a story. Here is how our exchange went:

    DS: How I gonna do that, mom?

    Me: You just make up a story. Like make up a story about a beetle and an elephant.

    DS: (long pause) Okay...okay...Sophie, you wanna hear story? Okay. Once upon a time there was beetle and elephant. The end. Look mom, Sophie falling asleep!"

    Me: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    I laughed most of the way home.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 3/08/2006 04:56:00 PM  

  • Yesterday we were at a Stake Primary activity. "Ammon" was talking about being a missionary and then asked the kids "Does anyone know how long a mission is?". My friend's 3-year old little girl immediately raised her hand and responded "Too long!"

    It was hilarious.
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 3/12/2006 08:09:00 AM  

  • 3 1/2 year old DD was riding in the car on our way to Palm Springs and she wouldn't leave her sleeping brother alone. My sister (Aunt Megs) kept telling her to leave him alone and stop touching him. She started talking loudly, purposely trying to wake him up. Megs told her again, "STOP!" She said, "Megs, I am adorable, I can do anything I want." YIKES!

    A few years back, when DS was 4, he saw a house that had been toilet papered and he said, "Hey look mom, they're having a toilet paper sale at that house!" This is my son that LOVES to shop with me. His favorite store until recently was Trader Joes. He always asks if things are on sale and if I have a coupon. Good boy! His future wife will LOVE (or hate) me!

    8 year old DS said a funny one the other day. My husband had just let me nap w/ the newborn, then made lunch and cleaned it all up. I came down stairs and said, "Guys, isn't your dad the best in the whole world?" 8 year old says, "Oh, I know what you're trying to do... you're trying to get him in a romantic mood!" How did he know?! Actually, not- still postpartum w/ no hormones!
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 3/12/2006 07:26:00 PM  

  • 3 yr. old Princess asked me "When I was a baby in your tummy could I see the food you ate?"
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 3/25/2006 12:22:00 PM  

  • Yesterday Pukey wanted JUST a hotdog bun from the vendor, so I told her to ask for one...she went up to the lady and said: "Can I have a bun with no mustard, no ketchup and no hotdog"

    Then last night she had a long green bean hanging out of her mouth and she said: "Look mom, I have a stick with a hole and smoke and the fire" and gestured a smoke like gesture all around her face. Yup, she was talking about a cigarette. So we had the cigarette talk. Oh boy.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 3/30/2006 07:42:00 AM  

  • After a swim play date my 3 year old daughter and her little friend were changing out of their suits.
    She was a little confused about his uncircumcised anatomy, and said "Hey what is that little carrot? My friend Grant doesn't have a little carrot like that."
    He couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I had to leave the room before I wet my pants.
    We now change in the bathroom...alone.
    posted by Blogger Abby at 4/06/2006 03:01:00 PM  

  • This morning I told Pukey that I was going to go up and lead the hymns. She said: Can I lead the hers?
    posted by Blogger Kage at 4/16/2006 04:06:00 PM  

  • I went grocery shopping with the girls last week and, it being the closest, biggest and cheapest, we headed on over to Walmart. We picked up a couple summer dresses for the girls while we were at it, and the toddler demanded to wear hers as soon as we got home.

    "You look nice," DH said when he saw her. "Where did you get that?"

    Half-remembering the name of the store, and with that special insight that kids seem to have, the toddler announced: "WART!"
    posted by Blogger RCH at 4/21/2006 11:02:00 PM  

  • After prayers my ds turned to me and said, "Mom, you can start crying now because that was a really good prayer."
    posted by Blogger Tri Mama at 4/28/2006 08:22:00 PM  

  • Re: butt-moving.

    A non-member friend would often tell her grown daughters and her little grand-daughter "move your butt" when they were in the way of something.

    After helping someone move, the wife of the guy organizing the "EQ Moving Company" put out a little spread to feed us. Their daughter was dilly-dallying, holding up the line. And I was in an exhausted, almost "punch-drunk" mood from the physical labor and in no condition to be nuanced and "nicey-nice" with the little girl.

    I adopted the tone that my non-member friend takes with her daughters and grand-daughter, and told the girl holding up the line "Hey, move your butt."

    Her mother gave me the freezing-est look I've ever seen from a Mormon woman.
    posted by Blogger Bookslinger at 5/27/2006 09:05:00 PM  

  • My husband watches SciFi all the time, and we were watching this one show where all the people's faces were turning into gas masks and they were all calling, "are you my mommy?". So earlier today my husband and his friend were talking about it, and so she goes around "are you my moommy?" then all of a sudden out of nowhere, "are you my daaddy?"
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/09/2006 10:22:00 PM  

  • Max (age 3) is very into the word "can't" right now - as in "I CAN'T any dinner" or "I CAN'T outside". Pretty much anything you suggest is met with this response, including offers of cupcakes or telling him we're picking up his (much beloved) dad from the airport. SO, the other day we were out in the garden, and he was "helping" to water the plants, and ran out of water. So he came over to me and told me all about how he needed more water... in his watering can't. Apparently, he can't even use a watering CAN.
    posted by Blogger marian at 7/20/2006 07:33:00 PM  

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