17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Oh My Oh My Oh Pukasaurs!

Okay so it was only one Pukasaur, but she puked enough to be made plural.My day started with a weird smell. It was a smell of puke. You know when you smell dog crap and you keep smelling it and wonder where that is coming from and finally realize the reason it is NOT going away is because you STEPPED in it. I sort of had that feeling...like "Did I Step in puke and not notice it?" Eventually the smell went away. Turns out it was a foreshadowing of events to come.

Picture this: I am sitting in the two seater (Thank Heavens) of the subway next to daughter #1 (almost 4) with daughter #2 (10 mos.) on my lap. We are on our way to a casting call that involves all three of us-this is a rarity and D1 is excited. She has recently shown an interest in following in my footsteps. D1 gets sleepy as the casting is SMACK dab in the middle of naptime (of course), and lays down on my lap. Some noisy kids talking with too many obscenities enter the car and she sits up complaining of their talking. I start singing a hymn to counter the obscenities and then it happens.

All this in slow motion: My tummy hurts. BLAGH. All over my coat. BLAGH. All over her coat. BLAGH. All over the seat. By this time I have her standing up. BLAGH. All over the floor. I have her step out of the way and while I am trying to figure out what just happened and then how I am going to deal with it, there is one more BLAGH. So now it is all over the two of us, the seat and the floor. HOLY MOTHER OF PUKE.

I see that the entire car full of riders is looking at me with that look. I say: Who's going to hold the baby? A nice lady volunteers. Then I survey what is in my diaper bag: a pocket pack of kleenex, a burp cloth, a few small bibs and one diaper...all of which I was willing to sacrifice, but where to put the soiled items? Yes ladies, there are no wipes. Who knows why. My next question to the crowd: Does anyone have a plastic bag? I ask this twice. I end up with a grocery sak and an umbrella cover.

Cleaning commences. D2 is content with whoever has her, D1 is still standing exactly where I left her...COVERED. I first clean up myself (thank you nylon coat) it comes right off. Then I start on the seat. At this point people from the car are depositing their various packets of travel kleenex and random fast food napkins. BLESS THEM. I seriously would have run off the train. Maybe NOT if it was a mother. Then the gagging begins. I start an outloud mantra: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I breathe..but not too deep b/c I don't want to smell it. Then I clean up D1. Again the fabric was forgiving but not the fluffy cuffs and hood...yuk. D1 finally says: "Mom, I throwed up because I ate too much." I have no recollection of my response...I think it was: "I can do this." Lady who grabbed D2 has now handed her off and bless her soul is gathering the chunks with me.

We finish the task in probably only 3 or 4 stops. She then bestows us both with some anti-bac gel which I slather on my hands and on the seat. I sit D1 back down, retrieve D2 and second holder of D2 takes the bag full of puke and throws it out for me on her way to wherever she was going. I am surprised I did not cry. I guess gagging is worse. I kissed that sweet D1 and said: Do you want to go home or go to the audition (we were almost there after all). She said in her sweet little just-thrown-up voice: Audition. Ahhh...a girl after my own heart. What a trooper. And I mean the BOTH of us.


  • AGGH, KAGE!! I can almost smell it! You have an amazing ability to handle anything. I have no idea what i would have done! Bless those people for helping out too. They are stocked up on good deeds for quite a while. Hope D1 is feeling better!
    posted by Blogger ksl at 3/02/2006 03:30:00 PM  

  • AGONY!!!!! What else is there to say???? Worst nightmare come true (of the puking variety)? Oh my gosh.

    Thank goodness for helpful New Yorkers - bless them. And poor little D1. What a trooper. So sad.

    You win the mother of the day award.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 3/02/2006 06:00:00 PM  

  • Stomp your feet and clap your hands, everybody ready for the puking dance!! (my fav. Boynton book) Oh my, I'm sorry I couldn't help but laugh. I'm convinced no one is a true parent until they are confronted with the pukes in public with their kids. Matt's "favorite" is when he actually tried to "catch" the puke in his hands, then said, ok, now what do I do? You deserve the gold medal for not losing it yourself!
    p.s. I'm sure your dh was the last to use the wipes, that's how it always is at our house.
    posted by Blogger wendysue at 3/02/2006 07:47:00 PM  

  • Holy mother of puke is right. What a nightmare.
    posted by Blogger Susan M at 3/03/2006 07:05:00 AM  

  • Ugh. Wow. That is quite the tale.

    So my question is, how did the audition go? Did you smell slightly suspicious?
    posted by Blogger marian at 3/03/2006 07:46:00 AM  

  • That is too much! A great story, and you tell it so well. I love how you announced--who's taking the baby!? and the self chanting is too good. You better tell us if the family got the part! :)
    posted by Blogger Katie at 3/03/2006 08:07:00 AM  

  • HOLY MOTHER OF PUKE! Wow. You deserve a medal.
    posted by Blogger Heather O. at 3/03/2006 09:37:00 AM  

  • My word! That is awful. I want to kiss that subway lady, both of them really. It's bad enough when they do it in your car, but when your car is a public mode of transportation.....ick! I am so stealing the term Pukasaur.
    posted by Blogger The Daring One at 3/03/2006 11:01:00 AM  

  • wYou know it is so interesting marian b/c I do not recall a smell. Maybe the subway smell is just too strong. After I rubbed the seat with the anti-bac, my kleenex was BLACK. So I think there are enought inherent subway fumes to cover up...yes even vomit. It could have been my senses in survival mode though b/c you know I would have ralphed had I gotten a good whif.

    As for the job, got a call today that put D2 and I on hold. Poor Pukasaur got the shaft. But just a half hour later we were released...a very quick turnaround. So I miss out on some good money, but at least I got a good story.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 3/03/2006 08:28:00 PM  

  • kage-
    YUCK! I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that...

    ...and you are right. You did get a GREAT story out of it. And the next time my kids puke, I'll know that it could've been worse. Thanks!! :) You're so helpful! :)
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 3/04/2006 06:27:00 AM  

  • BLAUGH. What a memorable subway ride. There was most definitely some divine intervention on that trip...the fact that YOU didn't puke cleaning up chunks. Amazing.
    posted by Blogger Melissa at 3/05/2006 07:05:00 AM  

  • That goes against EVERY stereotype I have ever heard about people on the subway. What an interesting way to change my perception. It sounds as though you showed tremendous grace under pressure, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't howl with laughter!
    As a side note, MY almost 4 year old said the same thing when he puked all over our car (and me, and the side of the freeway). We are obviously over feeding our kids. Nothing but stale bread and gruel from now on!!
    posted by Blogger Mo Mommy at 3/08/2006 12:29:00 PM  

  • mo mommy, I passed out in the subway and was amazed at how incredibly helpful everyone was. I think New Yorkers get a bad rap - they aren't cruel, it's just a tunnel vision thing - when you live that close to that many people, you learn to shut out the rest of the world pretty fast. But nothing like a puking 4-year-old to pull you out of it!
    posted by Blogger marian at 3/08/2006 12:49:00 PM  

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