"Mommy's crying because she can't find the Turnpike"

I am currently nearing the end of an East Coast adventure with my two toddlers (3 years and 17 months). I grew up in DC and my husband and I lived in NYC for nearly 7 years, so now that we live in the Bay Area I need my fix of "home". I decided to take my two kids (alone, I might add) on a trip from DC up to NYC up to Vermont/New Hampshire (to be with Marian) and then back down to NYC...and then back down to DC over the course of 3 weeks. Whew.

The trip has been incredibly smooth, owing to my confidence, anal over-planning and super adaptable kids - they're great travlers. It really has been fantastic.

However, yesterday on the drive from NYC to DC...things didn't go so well.

I was driving over the Verannzano bridge out of Staten Island (as I have done many times before), the kids were happily snacking and watching DVD's when I saw my exit for the New Jersey Turnpike. I could pick North or South. Clearly I wanted to go south because I was headed for DC. And yet for some reason, I picked North. NORTH. Why on earth would I go north? As soon as I made the fatal turn I started screaming and banging my steering wheel yelling "No...NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" But it was too late and I was stuck on the Jersey Turnpike headed north...towards Newark. Oh no. Have any of you ever driven around, through, into Newark? Its a huge airport and industrial area- not a good place to be if you have no reason to be there.

I kept going thinking there would be a place to get off, turn around, beam me up Scotty. No such luck. I finally found an exit that didn't dump me off in the airport and took it. Now I was on some other highway, 78? 278? Can't remember, but there were no signs for the Turnpike or 95. I started crying because I was really and truly lost. I didn't know my way around NJ at all. I was yelling at Heavenly Father that He needed to help me or else - not exactly the right spirit to be asking for inspiration but I was feeling desparate.

The more I drove the more unglued I became. The stress of 2 weeks traveling alone with my little children combined with the fact that I was LOST made me cry harder and harder. In the backseat my son (age 3) kept saying "Don't worry mom. We find the Turnpike". There was a little voice in my head that told me I needed to pull it together because my kids were going to get worried. But I kept crying - it was an awful feeling being lost.

I pulled off at some random exit and arrived at Crack Den Hell Slum Land, USA. I am not exaggerating, this was truly the bleakest and sketchiest place I have ever seen (and I've spent time in parts of the Bronx and Harlem - they've got nothin' on this place). CDHSL didn't even have a name - everywhere I looked were big signs that read "Now Entering Redevelopment District". WHAT???? Not even a name for the town, just that things are being redeveloped.

I cried harder.

I pulled up alongside a true gangsta, prayed that we wouldn't be mugged or killed, rolled down my window and said in a weary, teary voice, "New Jersey Turnpike. South". He gave me some basic directions and send me on my way. I was just grateful to be exiting CDHSL alive.

One and a half hours after making my initial mistake, there it was - NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE SOUTH. I crossed 4 lanes of traffic and made the exit. And then started to cry again. I was a complete jelly-like mess. My 3 year old asked "Mommy, why you crying? It's OK. We find the Turnpike!".

Last night when I was on the phone with my husband I passed him along to my 3 year old for a chat. And this is the first thing my son said to dh when he got on the phone:

"Hi. It's me. Ummmm....Mommy cry...in the car...'cause she no find the Turnpike".

I fear that my son will not remember the great restaurants and playgrounds we visited in NYC, the foot of gorgeous snow we played with in Vermont, shopping all up and down the East Coast, grandparents, friends, aunts and uncles, long walks through the city. He will ONLY remember that mommy lost her @!$%&%@ somewhere in New Jersey looking for the Turnpike.

But hey, how many three year olds know what a Turnpike is? Right?