17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

That First Mom Friend

Well, she did it. Carrie up and moved on me. This morning they walked out of their empty apartment leaving only a few food items for me to swipe and oh yeah, Carrie’s jacket, scarf and digital camera in the pocket. Thanks, I‘ll take that too.

You know when you anticipate a moment? You picture it in your head and maybe even rehearse it. I could never do that with Carrie leaving. I would get close…I would picture the truck driving away with her stuff, but then the nausea would take over and I would have to stop. So, this morning at 5:26 AM when I said goodbye, it was a true moment. I cried…she cried. I think it was the first time we had both cried at the same time. In true best friend fashion, up until that point we had taken turns being the sad one.

I kept crying. It wasn’t the ugly cry until she was really gone. I went upstairs and claimed my food from their fridge, the pineapple sherbert from this party, the blue cheese salad dressing from THAT party, okay…I’ll try Scooby Doo Gogurt…why not…as long as it will keep Carrie alive in my life! I shut the door of her apartment and it was a symbol of closing a chapter in my life that was oh so significant.

I walked up the one flight of stairs to my apartment and crawled in bed with my 3 (almost 4) year old and ugly cried on her shoulder. She said: “Are you crying why Carrie’s leaving?” (she gets her "because" and "why" mixed up) I said: “Yes” She said: “My Dad made me feel better when I was sad last night, I will sing you a song” She sang me Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and that made me feel a little better.

Carrie will not like this, but I just have to say that Carrie is the best woman I know. She exhibits true compassion and charity. She can do anything she sets her mind to do. This is not a cliché, this is the truth. The other day I said: “We should start a magazine” She said: “OK” and I knew that if I really wanted to start a magazine, that with her on my side, we would do it. When I grow up, I want to be just like Carrie. She taught me how to be a better wife, friend and mother. I hope that everyone can find a friend like her.


  • Oh Kage, darn you, you made me cry. Grrrr. Having been the one who said goodbye to Chloe and put her in a cab when she moved to San Fran, I'm right there with you, and you just took me right back there. That ugly cry....

    When I left NYC and you guys gave me that book of photos, Carrie wrote a bunch of wonderful friendship quotes in it for me. Here's one of my favorites:

    "Good friends must not always be together. It is the feeling of oneness when distant that proves a lasting friendship." -- Susan P. Schultz
    posted by Blogger marian at 1/28/2006 06:37:00 AM  

  • You did it. I cried. Both of you, so thanks. Kage, I can picture Carrie's apartment and your closing the door. I'm so sorry that you have to go down this road right now.

    I had my ugly cry in Marian's kitchen 5 minutes before the cab showed up to whisk our family away to the airport. I was surprised by how quickly I fell apart after know I was going to move for months and having time to adjust to it.

    Luckily, Marian and me are just as close as ever, probably even closer. We usually talk everyday, sometimes several times a day. The 3000 miles between us hasn't dulled our friendship - it has only made us work harder at it.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 1/28/2006 10:11:00 AM  

  • That is so sad. Why does everyone always have to move away? Why can't we just all live together forever? I am glad we can stay connected via the internet ect. but it isn't quite the same as having your best friend live downstairs.
    posted by Blogger Brandolyn at 1/28/2006 12:45:00 PM  

  • Really beautifully written, Kage. It must be hard on both you and Carrie....although you have to walk by her door all day long.

    I've always hoped for a kind of friendship that you and Carrie had...so despite the pain of it all, it is still a beautiful thing for you guys,even from miles away.
    posted by Blogger Jen at 1/28/2006 04:59:00 PM  

  • Ah crap, I don't even KNOW you guys and I got a little teary.
    A good friendship is something that never goes away, over years and miles I still have more old friends than any person is really entitled to. I count myself very lucky, and it's good to know that someone else does too.
    posted by Blogger Mo Mommy at 1/28/2006 06:17:00 PM  

  • mo mommy, I'm glad that you commented and that you got something out of this little love fest even though you don't know the specific players. And on the lighter side, here's another quote that Carrie wrote for me (another one of my favorites):

    "Friendship is like peeing your pants - everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth." -- Anon

    Hee hee hee
    posted by Blogger marian at 1/28/2006 06:24:00 PM  

  • Marian, I LOVE that quote.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 1/28/2006 08:27:00 PM  

  • I can see why Carrie has loved living in NY these past 7 years. True friends are hard to find (not to mention good shopping). We (speaking for her family) are happy to have her back in CA (as soon as she gets here), but I have a feeling that her heart will always belong to NY. You know what they say about "taking the girl out of the city". Thanks for being her east coast family.
    posted by Blogger kathi at 1/28/2006 10:46:00 PM  

  • Can you believe I forgot me coat and scarf? Duh. We are here in Utah for a week where it is blizzarding and I don't have a coat.

    As soon as we got settled on the plane in NY, the stewardess handed Princess two cookies. Princess took one and handed me the other saying "This one is for my best friend, she really likes cookies". She will always carry her best friend in heart, as will I.


    After the cry we had together, I was fine until I got back to my Bro-in-law's computer and read your post. Thanks for putting into words that last moment. Then I tried to tell dh about what you had written. This sent us both into tears which is not very safe when you happen to be driving through a blizzard.

    I'm sorry I had to leave NYC, but I know that you of all people know what it means to follow where your heart leads.


    Thanks for bringing up all those quotes. I really love the "peeing your pants one."
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 1/29/2006 07:46:00 AM  

  • I've been dealing with why-does-life-have-to-change-so-much issues for the past year and a half since I left NYC. Even though I know change is the natural progression of things, it doesn't make it any easier. I had to leave my NYC family behind and still miss them every single day. But thank goodness for the internet and anytime minutes! Kage, I think you'll have to make a few trips out to LA each year! There is something so special about Astoria... it can never leave our hearts!
    posted by Blogger Beth at 1/30/2006 03:51:00 PM  

  • I hate good byes and I am not good at dealing with change. I cry too easily, especially in my oh so pregnant state, and knowing both of you...I just can't take it. Kage - can you move west already? That was beautifully written and it makes me grateful for all the wonderful friends I have in my life...near and far.
    posted by Blogger Melissa at 1/30/2006 04:24:00 PM  

  • Girls, here's the thing. Never say Never...but I don't think I am a west coast girl. I am going to visit in a few weeks, and try to be open. And I am sure I will return again now that I have more and more folks congregating out there, and of course there are obvious career draws, but unlike Carrie's, my heart does not tell me to go. And even though I have felt the gamut of emotions when it comes to Carrie leaving, I absolutely agree with what she said..."Follow where your heart leads." And of course I support her in that. And you know what? Change is good. And we will be ok. And I would never trade the three years we had "in person" for zero years.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 1/30/2006 05:35:00 PM  

  • Kage - I am still not a west coast girl.... nowhere near unfortunately. It is finally getting a little easier to be out here after over a year! But like you said, you have to follow your heart.
    posted by Blogger Beth at 2/02/2006 10:01:00 AM  

  • Beth, I'm not a west coast girl either and I've been here 1 1/2 years! I thought it would have kicked in by now but no such luck. That said, there are definately things that I love about CA and the longer I stay here the more I'll like it (mantra, mantra)
    posted by Blogger chloe at 2/02/2006 02:26:00 PM  

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