Mothering utopia?

Chole’s post got me thinking about the places I have been a mother and what I have loved and despised about being a mother in those geographical areas. Our daughter was born in New Jersey and we lived there for the first 8 months of her life. Then we had two years in Queens before we moved on to our current residence in Pittsburgh. Upon reflection, I realized that I really didn’t love love love being a mom in NYC, was so glad to have moved on before our son was born, and that the thing I liked best about NYC was the close friendships that I had there. We will be moving somewhere again this summer—we don’t know where employment opportunities will be located yet. But, I’m thinking about the kind of place I want us to live. My personal utopia. Assuming that jobs are comparable no matter the location (a big assumption, I know), here is my list of requirements and desires in order of their importance.

1. Short commute time. When we lived in New Jersey, dh spent at least 3 (and often 4+) hours per day commuting back and forth to his job in NYC. It wasn’t so bad before we had kids, but after our daughter was born and he left before she got up and got home shortly before she went to bed, we decided this wasn’t how we wanted to operate as a family. That’s when we started looking into housing in NYC. I will give up almost anything so that we can be close to dh's job (and mine if I happen to get one). And it’s not just because I think that my kids need to see their dad as much as possible, which they do. It’s also because I can’t handle being the “preferred” parent who does all the heavy parenting work. It’s selfish, but it’s also emotionally healthy for all of us to have more balanced relationships.

2. Cost of living. This one's a close second. Oh, how I want to buy a house. A real house. I don’t want to pay 400k for a townhouse. I don’t want to rent for the rest of our lives. I want to purchase our very own home. It doesn’t have to be big, or new. I don’t really even want a yard—too much to take care of. But I want a house.

3. OK, so throw this into the mix. I want to live in a city, but not too much city. I learned to love city-life when we lived in NYC. I grew up in small town Montana, lived in Provo for a few years, went on a mission to the sparsely populated southwest, and then lived in suburban New Jersey. New York city was a shock to the system. The noise, the trash on the streets, the lack of trees, the stress of trying to find a place to park and then successfully parking. But it grew on me. I loved the proximity of the grocery store, the post office, the library, and just about everything else I needed, all a short walk from my front door. I liked living close to people and having neighbors I knew. I loved the diversity—walking down Steinway with the melodies of multiple languages washing over me, the smells of gyros, NY style pizza, tikka masala, and masaman curry wafting through the air. But as much appreciation as I gained for city living in NYC, there was too much pavement and not enough green - even with our postage stamp backyard complete with flowers, tomatoes, and a grill. I missed the trees and couldn’t make it to parks often enough to satisfy that longing. I want something between heavy duty city and suburbs (dh swears there's a word for this - anyone?).

Those are probably the three most important things. I want to live in a city where commuting is easy and where we can have a house. I also want good public schools with diverse student bodies. I want easy access to libraries, parks, and museums for regular outings with my kids.

When you combine a short commute with my desire to have a house, a lot of cities are off the list. All the big ones where traffic snarls are as much as part of a day as eating, where the suburbs are far away from the downtowns, and where places to live near work are expensive, small, and not houses.

It turns out Pittsburgh meets about all my requirements. We just need a job to keep us here. But if we can't stay, then maybe Boston. Maybe DC. Although they don't meet the above criteria, we could live and be happy there. Until we know for sure, I’m going to keep on dreaming about my life in that perfect location and hope for the best. How about you? What’s most important to you? For all my co-bloggers who have moved on, how does life as a mother in other places compare to life in NYC? If you could have your druthers, what would the location of your home be like? Oh yeah, and does anyone know anything about Minneapolis?