17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Friday, March 21, 2008

New Mom P*rn

This book is a must add to the list of fun gifts for a baby shower. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what my dreamy guy would be saying. It might actually be something similar to what my DH actually said to me this morning after a long night of 38-weeks-pregnant-and-I-can't-get-comfortable tossing and turning:

"Please don't worry about getting up with Pumpkin any more during the night (who now thanks to the miraculous potty training wakes up to pee). I'll take care of it, you just need to kick me."

The "kick me" part is not terrible romantic (or funny), but it still works.

What would be your "new-mom p*rn"?

"No, you relax for a while. I've figured out how to fold everything one-handed."


  • I saw that book at Urban Outfitters last year and laughed so loud that tears were streaming down my face. My husband was with me so I forced it in his face and he laughed hysterically too.

    Let's see, new mom p*rn? "Here, let me take the baby while you go take a shower, then go out to get a bite to eat at a restaurant and then, honey? Why don't you grab a few new shirts and pants - I know that you're not feeling super cute these days; maybe some new clothes would be a great pick me up!"

    Yep. Heck, my kids are 3 1/2 and 5 and that is STILL p*rn to me!
    posted by Blogger Chloe at 3/21/2008 08:59:00 AM  

  • Just curious, why are you both uncomfortable writing the word "porn"??
    posted by Blogger Jen at 3/21/2008 09:23:00 AM  

  • "Don't worry about the house, honey. The kids and I cleaned it while you were gone."


    "Don't get up; I'll get the kids dressed and ready."


    "Let me bathe the boys."


    "We should talk about our relationship!"
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 3/21/2008 09:23:00 AM  

  • jen-
    Because people might google it and there'd be psycho people over here...
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 3/21/2008 09:24:00 AM  

  • jen - it's has nothing to do with being uncomfortable with the word - like cheryl says it's more to do with not wanting to come up in searches when people are looking for real p*rn.
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 3/21/2008 09:33:00 AM  

  • My youngest is almost 4, but DH can still get me with, "Don't worry, you keep (blogging, reading, showering, talking on the phone, honing your Guitar Hero skillz), and I'll put the boys to bed."

    Works every time! :lol:
    posted by Blogger Mother of the Wild Boys at 3/21/2008 10:01:00 AM  

  • Because it will come up on internet searches, Jen
    posted by Blogger Chloe at 3/21/2008 10:18:00 AM  

  • Sorry, didn't see the other responses.

    And for the record, not uncomfortable writing it...
    posted by Blogger Chloe at 3/21/2008 10:18:00 AM  

  • Let's see...my new mom p*rn....

    "I like your new body SOOOOOO much better than your old body."

    "I've been dying to try out this new all chocolate recipe book...."

    "You should really go to a spa and relax for a few days."

    "Are you kidding??? I LOVE changing diapers!"

    Just off the top of my head....
    posted by Blogger miggy at 3/21/2008 10:39:00 AM  

  • I wouldn't need any words at all, just the sound of the vacuum, and the dishwasher. . .ahhh.
    posted by Blogger wendysue at 3/21/2008 11:41:00 AM  

  • "Good morning babe. You have the day off. I'll take care of Luc all day - go do whatever you want."
    Wait - my husband actually said that the Friday before Mother's Day last year...does that make him a p*rn star?

    The book looks hilarious. I especially like miggy's "I like your new body SO much better" Shah!
    posted by Blogger Melissa at 3/21/2008 12:46:00 PM  

  • Hilarious!! The "I like your new body better" comment reminded me of my husband's BEST line ever - when I was crying and mourning what nursing was doing to my full then flabby chest, he said "I like that they change - since I only get to play with one set of them in this life, it's cool that I get some variety." *swoon*
    posted by Blogger Rocketgirl at 3/21/2008 01:20:00 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.
    posted by Blogger Beth at 3/21/2008 02:19:00 PM  

  • Along the same lines and Miggy's:

    "I LOVE your 31 week pregnant body SO MUCH MORE"

    "Can I rub your feet? Back?"

    "No, I'll do the dishes, clean the bathroom, whatever needs to be done"..... and

    "I got a babysitter for tonight so I'm gonna treat you to dinner and a movie. Whatever you want".

    Melissa, I think I have a p*rn star husband too, because I have to say he does do these things. Very funny post and that book is awesome.
    posted by Blogger Beth at 3/21/2008 02:20:00 PM  

  • "No, I cooked dinner tonight and cleaned up afterwards. Can I get you some Izzes after you put up your feet?"
    posted by Blogger Azúcar at 3/21/2008 07:40:00 PM  

  • "Baby, those stretch marks just turn me on..."

    Actually, DH did say today, "Why don't I take the baby with me to the store while you stay here and relax?"

    Very nice.

    Of course, he might be trying to earn brownie points for all the traveling he's done this month, but I'll take what I can get.
    posted by Blogger Heather O. at 3/22/2008 02:21:00 PM  

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