17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Stories from my life with Simon

I am the mother of a precocious 3 1/2 year old boy named Simon (also a 2 year old girl, but luckily she doesn't talk quite as much right now). At the urging of my good Tales friend, Carrie, here are a few of our latest stories:

We were watching Conference on Sunday as a family and Motab came on. Simon pointed at the screen of sisters singing and said, "Hey! That lady looks like my grandma!" She sort of looked like my husbands mom so we said, "Yes, she does". He then stood up and pointed at the screen again and said, "Look, the whole choir is grandmas! The grandmas are all singing!".
Simon wanted to know why his toothpaste spit goes down the drain after it leaves his mouth. I explained that the force of gravity pulls things down - what is up will fall down. I figured he wouldn't pursue it any further but instead he walked around all day talking about "the FORCE of gravity PULLS things DOWN" - he would say this to anyone that would listen. We got a little sick of hearing about gravity so we told him to talk to his preschool teacher about it the next morning.

As SOON as he walked in the door to preschool, he threw his backpack in his cubby, raced over to his teacher and exclaimed, "Miss Sandy, I need to talk about gravity. And the TRUTH." The truth? She looked at me and I just said, "Good luck. See you at noon".
My husband told Simon that all boys have pee-pees and that boys are lucky because they get to pee in the grass.

Today while we were sitting and talking quietly, this is how my conversation with Simon went.

Simon: Mom, do girls have pee-pees?

Me: No, just boys (I didn't even want to get into what girls have - the kid is too much of a sponge)

Simon: How come only boys have pee-pees?

Me: Because that's how Heavenly Father made them. Boys have pee-pees...and girls have something else.

Simon: (LONG PAUSE) Mom...maybe if Sophie (his sister) is a good girl she can have a pee-pee too. And a belly button.
And finally:

How to give a teddy bear a haircut, according to Simon and Sophie:

1. Make sure mom isn't around. You don't have much time - hurry.

2. Put the bear on a chair, dig around in all of moms kitchen drawers to find scissors, hand lotion, brown markers and tape.

3. Cut as MUCH of the brown fuzz off the bear as you can.

4. Smear hand lotion all over the parts of the bear you cut. Heck, smear it all over the kitchen - don't leave any space uncovered.

5. Draw all over the white kitchen cabinets with brown markers while smearing some more hand lotion on the cabinets

6. Look like small deer in headlights when confronted by mom...who is NOT happy.


  • Thing 1 knows he has a penis, but when he asked if girls have penis' I simply said "no". So then he said "I have a bum, do girls have a bum"? I said "yes". No biggie right? Well, about a month ago he comes out of the bathroom and announces to his daycare provider, "I'm a boy and I have a penis, you're a girl, and you have a bum". She was a little confused, and I had to explain it to her later, but frankly, I'd rather not clarify it to him just yet.
    posted by Blogger Mo Mommy at 10/02/2006 04:18:00 PM  

  • My youngest asked me this morning if I knew how to spell hobalobalous. I did not. So my he spelled it for me. Apparently a hobalobalous is someone who has to hobble because of an injured foot or leg.
    posted by Anonymous Susan M at 10/02/2006 05:12:00 PM  

  • Susan M. that's awesome. Really funny.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/02/2006 05:49:00 PM  

  • It's good you're writing this stuff down. You'll be happy you did years down the road.
    posted by Anonymous Susan M at 10/02/2006 05:56:00 PM  

  • This was great! Thanks for the laughs...
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 10/02/2006 08:04:00 PM  

  • my daughter likes to make up exotic sounding names. I cannot even begin to replicate them in letters...but it's pretty random and funny.

    My fave of your stories is the motab, hands down.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 10/03/2006 04:17:00 AM  

  • Yesterday on our 6 hr trip home from Utah, my DH and I played "truth or dare" with our 3 oldest girls in an attempt to show them the "ok" way to play it. (it's a game they've been introduced to by cousins) Anyhow, I dared my 8 year old to put her whole fist in her mouth....she tried and then started gagging. Next she said, "oh man, I almost touched my teste." K, pretty sure she meant tonsil. So hilarious, DH and I cried from laughter!
    posted by Anonymous cali at 10/03/2006 07:44:00 AM  

  • Cali, that's SUPER funny. I love it!
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/03/2006 08:08:00 AM  

  • i remember when cheryl's #2 was trying on halloween costumes for us last year (she must have been 2) and she came into the room dressed up like a scarecrow. we asked her what she was & she replied, "a costume".
    posted by Blogger brenbot at 10/03/2006 08:24:00 AM  

  • This morning as I was taking my 2 year old Sophie to the doctor she said, "Mommy, where Daddy go?". I said that he was at work and she would see him later to which she replied, "Oh no, not 'gain!".

    I thought that was pretty funny...
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/03/2006 11:26:00 AM  

  • I love all the kid comments!

    A year or so ago, when my daughter was potty training, she took great joy in using the word vagina as much as possible. Only she doesn't say it right. So, one day she is on the potty and she says proudly to dad "I'm going pee pee on the toilet and it's coming out of my Guh-gina!" My son, then 5, gave my DH a knowing "I'll handle this one dad" glance and then proclaimed "Duh!!!! It's not a GUH-gina, it's a BUH-gina."

    We did not correct him as we were to busy sneaking off to crack-up.

    Sticking with the same theme...here is #2

    DD: "Mom, want to play dress up with me?"

    Me: "Sure, what should we be?"

    DD: "How 'bout I dress up as a kitty.........and you can be a Guh-gina!"

    After explaining why people don't really dress up as Guh-ginas, I had to supress a very strong urge to be sitting on the couch with my head sticking through an enlarged Georgia O'Keefe painting when my DH walked trough the door.
    posted by Anonymous Marianne at 10/03/2006 05:24:00 PM  

  • Ok, Marianne, that's the winner, dressing up as a guh-gina.

    Oh...how I laughed loudly over that one :)

    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/03/2006 05:27:00 PM  

  • Ahhh, THAT'S what I can be for Halloween!
    posted by Blogger marian at 10/03/2006 06:44:00 PM  

  • you know I am always up for a discussin on vaginas....

    All the books say to tell your kids the real name of the body parts. One day I was in the shower with my 2 almost 3 year old and she inquired, for the first time, about that body part...I told her: "This is called a vagina!" She thought about it for a second and then said: "No, it's a whale!"

    Later she accidentally walked in on her Dad (who is VERY modest about his parts in front of our girls) and asked about why Dad had a carrot.

    Oh boy.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 10/03/2006 07:32:00 PM  

  • OK, this thread just made me remember a funny from a few weeks ago.

    Simon was talking about his "pee-pee" again with dad, about how cool it is that he can pee in the grass because he's a boy. Then he ran into our bedroom to tell me: "Mom! I have a pee-pee and it's small and daddy has a pee-pee too! And it's huge!"

    We could not stop laughing...

    My husband was so proud...
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/03/2006 08:32:00 PM  

  • Marian, you should TOTALLY go as a guh-gina for Halloween! Way to spice things up in the new ward!
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/03/2006 08:32:00 PM  

  • I LOVE the things kids say. Just too funny. I really love the whale and carrot, and dressing up as a Guh-gina. Oh, I'm laughing so hard you're making me cry!
    posted by Blogger Trivial Mom at 10/04/2006 11:22:00 AM  

  • Prayers from my DS last night"

    "HF please try to make Halloween tomorrow...."
    posted by Blogger trimama at 10/05/2006 07:07:00 AM  

  • When Chloe was very young she and her younger brother were playing dressup in their playroom. I walked in and asked where her brother was, since he appeared to be missing! Out pops brother from under Chloe's dress, naked but for his diaper, and Chloe proudly pronounced that she had just given birth! Luv, M
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/11/2006 10:18:00 AM  

  • Oh man, I was a goofball. Totally sounds like something I would do. Thank you mom for telling the world :)
    posted by Blogger chloe at 10/12/2006 05:00:00 PM  

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