New answer to an old question: YES, my life is hard.

Last week, I was working in LA...something I have never done before. I spent 4 luxurious days and nights staying at the Four Seasons, shopping, working, seeing friends, bathing, reading, eating, taking photographs and riding in ridiculous cars. All of this I did A-L-O-N-E. At first I was advocating that all women should take a break from their job as mother to be pampered and relax for a half a week. And now that I am back, I am not so sure.

Being at the Four Seasons meant Ignorance was Bliss. I was able to almost completely forget my past life. I called home to talk to my daughters so that in the event they are in therapy in the future, they won't refer to "that time" when their mother totally abandoned them. I didn't really have a hard and fast need to connect with them, I did it out of obligation.

I felt rejuvinated and refreshed after my time spent A-L-O-N-E, and then when I got home it was a little too much reality. I have always been pretty good at getting my shower in, and sometimes wondered how women didn't shower sometimes...as if it was the kids fault. Well, for the first two days home, I think I had one 3-minute shower right before bed one night. My legs were hairy, hair was greasy. I was a wreck. And I hadn't sat down that day. I cooked, I cleaned, I did some grocery shopping, chapter-reading, emailing...just the normal stuff I do, but I just couldn't believe how hectic it was. Same with day two.

People always ask me this question: "Isn't it hard doing what you do and living in the city and raising kids?" I say, "If it was THAT hard, I wouldn't do it this way right?" I now know that my life is hard. I feel like I am on wife swap. I have come into this family where some lunatic mother has set up this household a certain way, and loves it, and I am forced to conform to it and live by her rules. The crazy thing is, I am THAT woman, and I made this life and these kids and this set-up, and guess what? It IS hard.

Now, maybe this is the jetlag, lack of food (the day I am writing this), exhausted woman who is getting a root canal tomorrow talking. Maybe I am just in a bad mood because I had to manually extract about 2 pounds of hard nasty big poop from Poopy's bum my first day back. Maybe with every high there must be a low. And I know that when I have been on top of the mountain, there will be a little valley following close behind, but this is much more intense then I thought it would be. I am TOTALLY out of my rhythm.

So, does this state that I have found myself in totally cancel out the relaxing time I had A-L-O-N-E last week? I think it might have. The jury is still out, but it's looking good that if I had the chance to do it again (without the work part), just pure relaxing time away from the family, I might pass...insane right?