Artist Mother

I didn't want to have another baby. I was scared of losing my life. I had adjusted well to baby #1 and had a good balance of mothering, wifing, churching, friending, and careering. I was growing my business and nurturing my family. I was so happy with the way life was, and with my one child. I didn't see my life as broken, so why fix it with another child?

I had a personal revelation one day that made it clear that I needed to have a baby. So I did. In order to quell the initial fears I had about bringing another child into the mix, I had a plan. The summer I had a newborn I was going to focus on my creativity by participating in a program called The Artist's Way. It was a 12-week program that had me writing pages every morning, taking myself on artist's dates, and setting goals for my creative self. Though it did take discipline, (I had to go for a week without reading the day after the Harry Potter Book came out...ouch), it was just what I needed to remain focused on the non-mother part of myself.

It has been a year since I did the program, and I feel that everything is clicking. I see the art in the everyday. I have stripped away the many layers of life that have gotten in the way of the raw, rooted talents I was blessed with. I have begun to nurture my inner-artist-self. I know this is God's plan for two reasons: I am experiencing a great deal of adversity: The specifics are not important, just the fact that I am having a DIFFICULT time in many areas of my life that are so unimportant, but just get in the way. The second reason I know it is exactly what I am meant to be doing right now is because I am inspired and energized. All of a sudden I want to take ballet classes, bake, sing, cook, buy organic, make a home-made gift for my daughter's friend, read, and write.

As mothers, the literal and figurative dirty diapers of life start piling up and piling on top of our souls. It takes a great deal of work and effort to climb out from under the stench, but once it is done, the air is so fresh and the perspective so bright. It is worth the work to hold onto that part of you. And the most beautiful thing is when your mothering (which is the ultimate CREATIVE power) can coincide with your artist self, and make your life that much more alive.

For more on my journey, click here.