Questions?

Why must bananas get bruises ("Mom, cut the brown part out")
Why must I drop things? (CURSE YOU GRAVITY!)
Why must the pom-poms on my daughters coat get caught together in an annoyingly tangly mess?

Why must there be winter?: Winter means on the subway, I have to not only keep track of my two children, diaper bag and stroller, but also 3 pairs of hats, gloves and scarves that are shed on the subway because of the stark contrast in temperature between the platform and the car of the train. Knock on wood, I think I have only lost one hat so far this season.

Who invented morning?: This particular morning I gave my daughter her bottle in her crib hoping I could snooze for at least the amount of time it took her to drink the bottle, and when she just kept crying I went in to check on her, only to find that someone (yes, me) hadn’t screwed the top on the bottle, b/c I found it was empty and the top was off and the poor baby was drenched in what I thought was warm formula, but turns out it was still pretty cold. Sorry baby.

Why must we Recycle? —yeah, yeah save the environment and everything, but the bottles and boxes are constantly taking up space in my not-big-enough apartment.

Why when I suspect (am sure) it is a poopy diaper, do I inhale so deeply?

Where are my keys?

Why must there be Dust, and why do I have to be allergic to it to an extreme?

Why must we take shoes off and put them on again? What a pain shoes are, especially if you forgot to put yours or your childs on BEFORE you put the baby in the bjorn on you. My babies shoes…she cannot keep them on…her feet just don’t gel with shoes.

Why must we have Carseats?: putting the kids in and out and latching them…How many times must I do that?

Why Periods?: the only positive thing about being pregnant is the absence of periods, ok and MAYBE the baby at the end.

Why tantrums from my baby?: She arches her back and screams EVERY time I put her in the carseat or stroller, change her diaper, get her dressed, take her out of the tub, take a toy away from her, or when she wants something.

Why must my Eye Twitch?: Wow...this has been going on since 2006. It moves around different places of my right eye. It TOTALLY went away on my Disney vacation. It got back after 1 day home. If I take a deep breath it usually calms down. It is my new stress meter...and I hate it.

Where are my keys?

Why must people smoke?: My landlady downstairs smokes and it travels up so that when I open my door it reeks. Sometimes when I get home the house if full and I have to run up to my apt. Sometimes I feel like screaming very loudly about this. Carrie thankfully got me a thingy to squeeze under my door to prevent the smoky draft.

Why does it hurt SO much when I bump my hips, elbows, ankle bones, and stub my toes?

Where are bed bugs in the food chain? Are they really necessary for our ecosystem?

Why do I have so many bruises on my shins? I don't remember getting those...

Why does Pukey open the door right after I finish my shower, letting gallons of cold air into my nicely orchestrated tropical cocoon?

Why does the light switch that powers the garage door get turned off? Who does that? It is so annoying to have to get out of my car, go inside, turn it on, get back in the car and press the garage-door opener to drive in.

Where are my keys?

Why do we have to eat? I can't think of what to eat...accept chocolate (and lately, tastykakes).

Why does the toilet only stop running when I turn the cold water faucet on and off quickly?

Why do I touch things that I know are hot?

Why must I wear 17 layers of clothes in order to keep my covenants, hide my covenants, be modest and stylish?

Why must Bob the Builder's cell phone sound JUST like mine?

Has anybody seen my keys?