17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Has it been six weeks already?

When I was pregnant I was really looking forward to that post-natal doctor’s visit where I would get the go-ahead to resume my sex life as normal. I was not one of those women (unfortunately) that experienced a high sex-drive during pregnancy. I figured once I “had my body back” (at least parts of it) I would naturally ease my way into feeling like a sexual being again. Sure there would be obstacles (leaky boobs, flabby skin, and perhaps episiotomy issues), but I was sure DH and I would face the challenge. I thought of it like this: Sex after giving birth is something you just have to do, like jumping in the pool, or pulling off a band-aid.

Well, fast-forward to post-partum and that six week check-up. Man, was I dreading the “go ahead” from my doctor. What a surprise! For me post-partum sex is filled with mental anguish, body detachment issues, UN-sexiness, and fear. After a bad tear AND episiotomy my body still doesn’t feel “in-tact” so to speak. My body has become very useful to a three month old little boy. Is it me or does it seem like a cruel joke that I finally have great boobs and I don’t really want anyone near them? Part of me knows this is normal and part of me can’t make sense of the head trips I have concerning post-partum sex. The good news is that I have a great DH who I can open up to and is sensitive about all of my concerns. But I ask you this:

1) Have any of you out there dealt with these (or similar) issues?
2) How did you go about getting over these issues?
3) How could your DH have helped you work through these issues?

Please help a new mom know she’s not alone! How do I get to know this body again? (Feel free to use the “anonymous” option for your response if you’re afraid of revealing too much information).

***If you’re one of these ladies who jumps right back in the sack with no problem at all even BEFORE your six week appointment I don’t wanna hear about it. We can save that for another post.


  • I am not afraid to be known.

    I am still not over seeing my boobs as a feeding mechanism (as opposed to a sexual object). I am not sure when that will go away. My second baby has been weaned for 6 months...and with 3 years between the kids, I never got over it between them. Bad news I guess.

    First time back after baby #1 hurt like giving birth. It was not enjoyable, I had to breathe threw it...but it is the only way to get back in the saddle.

    First time back with second baby was actually enjoyable (another feather in my cap for natural birth as opposed to w/epidural, but that is a comment for your last post).

    Tearing I think has a lot to do with discomfort.

    As far as body image. I felt so skinny after giving birth and having relations was so much easier logistically with the baby out, that I really didn't have bad body issues. Turn the lights off..it helps.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 6/09/2006 05:23:00 PM  

  • Maybe you already know this, but remember that your hormones will still be wacky for awhile. A breastfeeding body doesn't want to be pregnant because it is already busy enough, which means that it doesn't want you to want sex, which means . . .

    Just give it awhile. Find other ways to keep dh happy in order to be fair to him.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/09/2006 06:19:00 PM  

  • I'm not afraid either!

    I was dreading the six week OK with my first baby- no drive, not interested, and all that. I was prepared to just do it, but my husband took one look at my face when I got back from the appointment, hugged me, and told me the calendar didn't run our sex life- six weeks or not, it wasn't time yet. I will always be grateful to him for that.

    After baby #2, it was much easier and more enjoyable, as Kage said. Not sure why in my case, but maybe comfort with my Mama body?

    With #3, I made the mistake of having DH check me for stitches the night before my appointment (last week!). We ended up laughing ourselves silly, because he went and got the GIANT yellow home depot type hallogen light to check me- and wished out loud he had a miner's light to strap to his forehead.

    By the third baby, you have no more reservations about your body- it was really funny, and laughter is just so wonderful.

    Body image? Well, like many mama'a I have the stretched-out tummy and boobs that will never point north again, but I have three beautiful children because of that sacrifice. And my husband loves me and we did this to my body together! Sure, I wish I could loose a few pounds, but when I catch myself unwittingly in a mirror, I'm ok, and I look like a woman, a mother- not a hipless adolescent girl. I like that.
    posted by Blogger Tracy M at 6/09/2006 09:51:00 PM  

  • I think everything you're feeling is totally normal! I've had 4 kids and it's just about the same after each....all new, even the sex. Each birth has been very different. I've done the natural thing, epidural, tore, didn't tear, it's just different (and the same) for everyone. Does that make any sense?? I think naturally the boob issues are the way it's set up to be. They go from being a sexual object to a complete food source over night. Who wouldn't feel out of whack! :) I agree that it takes a while to feel "comfy" with the new post-baby bod......soon you should be back to the old you and good to go! Yes, lights out really help until you feel secure with it all. Good luck!
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/09/2006 09:53:00 PM  

  • So, with baby #1 I tore about as bad as you can tear and my dear, sweet OB stitched my tighter than before the tear....fun for DH soooooooooo bad for me! That really bit, but we worked it out :) It's kinda like the first time all over again, start slow and things will soon feel ok. I've gone on to have 3 more and I feel like it all gets better...body image too, it's just working on what makes you happy. With hard work, I've always dropped the baby weight (40+ lbs) before getting pregnant again and that's what works for me. It's also great to have a DH that loves you.....not a pre or post body. I know some don't......very sad!
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/09/2006 10:03:00 PM  

  • Let me just preface this by saying I had a bad experience. I had a 3rd degree tear, and a doctor who didn't really check me out very well at my 6 week.

    So we got the go ahead to have sex and it hurt real bad the first time (which I think is pretty usual). But it didn't get better. It hurt Every. Single. Time. And it didn't get better at all. So after a year I finally went to my new doctor, and talked with him about it. Well he talked, I cried. I couldn't understand why sex hurt so bad. We talked about the possibility of it being a mental block and some other issues. But then he checked me out and found an "ulcer" (that's what he called it . . . basically it was an open sore that because of lack of circulation or whatever had never healed after I had the baby). So he cut me open a little again and stiched it back up and all is well and good in our bedroom again. I guess the point of telling you this is if the pain doesn't get better within a month, go back to your doctor. Don't wait a year like I did.

    Of course the ironic part of this story is we got that all fixed and found out I was pregnant 3 months later.
    posted by Blogger Trivial Mom at 6/10/2006 10:51:00 AM  

  • I was also really surprised by the way I felt at my 6 week appt. I was definitely in NO RUSH to get back in the sack. Not only did I not feel like my same "sexy" self - not just physically but mentally, I was afraid that my DH would be totally grossed out by the milk dripping out of my breasts which he now had to share with a little baby. It was so embarrassing. I wasn't so much afraid of the pain, but that sex would feel differently-meaning not as good, for me and him.

    How did I get over it? I think it was much like you said, I just bit the bullet and "jumped in the pool". I do vaguely remember a conversation expressing my concerns with dh and I am pretty sure there were tears. I think it would have been better if I thought dh knew that I wasn't crazy, that most women have the same worries and fears. Even though he had witnessed the event, I just really felt like he had no idea what my body had just gone through only 6 weeks before. I had pushed a huge head through that once little hole. Doing something like that changes things! (at least for a while). And I wondered if he really knew that my body did not want to get pregnant again, so it really wasn't craving the same things his was.

    It's a lot of pressure for a new, sleep-deprived mom to handle.
    posted by Anonymous anonymous lurk at 6/10/2006 03:12:00 PM  

  • You don't want to have sex? Are you crazy? It's been six weeks! Probably more, if you're like most people.

    No, you're not crazy. You're a woman with fluctuating hormone levels, with a body that's doing all it can just to survive without getting pregnant again. I keep thinking about Mad About You, where Jamie told Paul it took 6 months to heal instead of 6 weeks. There's always that option, hee hee.

    For me, it was like starting over agin. Was it going to hurt? Would I like it? Would it last long? (The answeres were - a little, no, and definitely not.)

    And, for this comment I'm clicking on the anonymous button - I wore a bra each and every time. The leaky milk thing was just too painful and awful for me, (nothing says 'hot' like a milk-let down) and it was a little sign to Dh saying "back off the boobs."
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/10/2006 04:45:00 PM  

  • Hey, after the first time without a bra, my DH was just fine with me wearing one. Otherwise it was just complete chaos!! I didn't know how to tame those puppies and the whole sticky milk thing just made MORE of a mess!! Doesn't mean it's not good sex just because you're not 100% nakey......gotta go for the functional factor!
    posted by Anonymous cali at 6/10/2006 05:41:00 PM  

  • I'm with you, anon, on the bra issue! I definitely wore a bra each and every time. It just made me way more comfortable. And that is key, making sure you're comfortable (well... as comfy as possibly I guess). Also, a little KY goes a long way those first few times when you might not be as "turned on" as you'd like to be.

    I also agree with anonymous lurk in that there was this part of me that always felt like DH thought I was crazy, or overreacting. He just didn't get it. I don't know if there was anything I could say to make him get it, because I didn't quite understand myself. I just knew that something about my body was very different. I didn't feel "normal" or my old self. Plus, I was stuck between not wanting sex and feeling super guilty that DH hadn't had a decent sex life in quite some time so shouldn't I hurry up and jump back in the sack!

    It is like starting over again. Be patient. It takes time. Maybe our DH's should read these comments so they know that we are indeed not crazy and not alone!
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/10/2006 06:01:00 PM  

  • after my first child was born, i had NO desire to jump right back in the sack. partly was due to the trauma of her birth. Every thing turned out okay in the end, but I felt really violated because my CNM was terrible and totally unsupportive. Really the thought of experiencing that again was enough to cure me of wanting sex for a loooong time. The thought of getting pregnant again scared the crap out of me, so it was really hard to relax and want to have sex. Over time that faded, though, as long as we kept the condoms close at hand. When my daughter was about 21 months old, we forgot the condom and #2 was conceived. That birth was a thousand times better, and the recovery (physical & mental/emotional) was a lot quicker, too.

    OT, but feel the need to share. Just a general bit of advice to all the women who read this: if you have a tramautic birth experience, for whatever reason, it really really helps to find someone supportive and nonjudgmental to explore those feelings with. I was genuinely scarred by the birth of my first child, and I didn't get it resolved until talking with my wonderful lay midwife when I was pregnant with #2. Don't try to convince yourself that since your baby is healthy, nothing else matters. Your feelings and fears are valid, and it helped me so much to be able to express them to someone.
    posted by Blogger mindy at 6/10/2006 11:14:00 PM  

  • For me, having sex the first time after my first baby was 100 times harder/scarier/more worrisome than having it for the first time because I didn't have the drive to get me over all those same issues. And that really sucked especially because I really wanted to want it. I honestly felt like I had negative sex drive-(which I guess is explained by the homones and is not in the least bit helped by the pure exhaustion I felt from being up all night, every night.) DH was sensitive to my feelings, but at the same time, he really wanted what he wanted and I totally understand that. I really wanted him to understand that I probably wasn't going to enjoy it for a while--it was going to be a chore for me and that was okay for a time. Is that bad? I mean, is it bad to detach from sex emotionally for a time in order to get through it physically? Because for me, conquering both at the same time was just too much to handle.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/11/2006 01:28:00 PM  

  • Beth,

    I guarantee you are not alone in your feelings. I was also caught off guard by my feelings towards post-partum sex. Fearing the pain wasn't that high on my list, but I had a lot of other fears and expectations. The boob things was one of my issues too. I went with the already suggested bra technique until my milk was more stable. I think approaching the whole situation with good communication is really important and it sounds like you have done that. I do wish that more men had a better understanding of the issues that women have at this extremely fragile time so that are not also caught off guard by our "strange" behavior.
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 6/11/2006 01:34:00 PM  

  • Anon - I'm in the middle of this now and what you wrote really rings true for me. I also feel like I am detaching from sex emotionally in order to get thru the physical part. That is the exact stage I'm in. I know I have to face the physical part especially for DH's sake, but for my own too because I have to jump back on the bandwagon. I just don't think sex can feel very connected for me yet. My mind and body are two separate entities in some respect (my baby is just over 2 months now). It's scary, too, to feel like I have a negative sex drive. I never had issues before the baby with wanting sex or being in the mood --- I was ready to go! But that's gone now (hopefully temporarily). All of these comments help to make me feel that there is light on the other side of all of this. Thanks for the post!
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/11/2006 05:50:00 PM  

  • Ugh - I so needed to read this! I, too, am a new mom dealing with this stuff. Is it bad that I just cringe thinking about whether or not my dh wants sex tonight!?? I feel for him, but it is so hard. And of course we do it, but I just don't look forward to it and am getting very little out of it except for relief that he'll be fine now for a few days. Hopefully this isn't too much information! When do you see the other side? After breastfeeding is over? I, too, miss my old sexy self! I hope she shows her face soon.

    Tracy M. - I love you story about dh checking for your stitches! And your dh's comment about your sex life not being run by a calander is also great.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/11/2006 06:01:00 PM  

  • I love sex. I loved it pre-pregnancy, and I loved it preggers. After my first was born, I dreaded my six week appointment too, and the first time back in the sack, so to speak, was fairly miserable. I was extremely distraught. We had had such a good sex life before, and now it was truly awful. I remember thinking, "Wow, I guess being a mother means I will never enjoy sex again."

    I am relieved to say that is not at all true. I don't remember a specific moment when I thought, "Hooray, I'm back!", but in time things definitely got back to where they were before. It took some time, some patience, some towels to mop up the milk that let down every time I had an orgasm (Yeah, that was some info that I must have missed in "What To Expect"....), and use of the old tube of KY that had gone untouched for years. But I was so relieved that things started going smoothly again. So don't despair!

    Going Anon for this post so my husband doesn't kill me.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/11/2006 08:09:00 PM  

  • I truly appreciate my doctor because for my post-natal visit he invited my husband to come as well and explained that nursing moms secret prolactin, which decreases sex drive. He even went as far as to say that six weeks is premature in his mind to start relations again because it take three months for women to regain their hormone balance. His insight allowed us to realize that it was more than just my mood that was impacting changes in the bedroom.

    In a way you have to relearn how to meet the needs of one another, while meeting the needs of a demanding infant. By six weeks I usually like to plan a monthly date, so my husband and I can reconnect and I can remember what its like to be adored.
    posted by Blogger Tri Mama at 6/11/2006 10:41:00 PM  

  • Women have a lot of issues that affect a sex drive. Of course the physical trauma we've been through, but also sleep deprivation and worrying about a new baby. These emotional components change how we feel each day--they make us a lot less in the mood. Ladies, you've got to be ok with that. Don't hate yourself or feel guilty. When dh wants sex and you really don't, you don't HAVE TO do it. One way to still feel connected but not have sex is to offer an alternative. Like, honey, I just don't feel like it. Why don't we give backrubs. or snuggle in non-garm clothes, or caress each other's arms, or just lie down and hold each other for a few minutes. That's better than "no, take a hike." Your dh should learn that this is a great way to connect without actual sex. Like some of you, I didn't like to have sex after babies and did it anyway--that's no good. Our husbands can handle alternatives now and then. If you want, you can always touch him to orgasm when he's not inside of you. Then you won't feel so guilty and he'll feel his release. Then you can get on to forms of affection that you'll enjoy more. Or get your snuggling first.

    I just get so peterbed when women feel they have to be recepticles for men. We have to communicate better--and I think this thread will help. Men and women aren't always in the same place sexually (imagine that!) whether it's post-natal or not. So you have to be open with each other. And I'm not trying to say anyone's dh is pushing sex on them or anything. It just happens naturally for women to feel the pressure to be there when he's ready.

    Communicate Beth, and it does improve! Right after baby is tough! So great that you asked--these responses will be so helpful to you.
    posted by Anonymous gotta be anonymous at 6/12/2006 06:12:00 AM  

  • I agree with Gotta be Anonymous. If you're having sex when you don't want to (post-partum, or anytime) you should *really* seriously contemplate why. I would be willing to say that many women overestimate their husband's need/desire and assume that their husbands want sex more than they actually do. Honest conversations about your discomfort and fears will end most frequently with him offering to wait longer than you would have thought.
    But always always remember that your right to avoid pain is greater than anyone's right to achieve pleasure, even your husband's.
    posted by Blogger Starfoxy at 6/12/2006 01:04:00 PM  

  • As a male, I really agree with Gotta Be Anonymous. Intercourse is not nearly the only way for us men to reach orgasm and feel that release. Don't get caught up in thinking that you have to suffer pain in order to give your husband the orgasm he craves.
    If you don't feel ready to have your husband inside you again, then just discuss using the manual option for a while. It's a great way to mix things up anyway, pregnancy or not, but maybe that's for another discussion.
    I would add that I know how selfish this sounds, but we men usually have a very powerful sex drive. My hat really goes off to any married man who can forego any kind of sex for six weeks. I know a very, very good, virtuous man who almost turned to porn in a panic when his wife lost her sex drive after their child was born. For most of us, sex and love are the same thing, so if we don't connect with our spouses on that level, it becomes a "she has fallen out of love with me" crisis if there is not a huge amount of reassuring communication about the problem.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 12:33:00 AM  

  • "One way to still feel connected but not have sex is to offer an alternative. Like, honey, I just don't feel like it. Why don't we give backrubs. or snuggle in non-garm clothes, or caress each other's arms, or just lie down and hold each other for a few minutes. That's better than 'no, take a hike.'"

    Um, there are a lot of "alternatives" to intercourse, but please do not offer "snuggling" as one of them.
    posted by Anonymous another anonymous male at 6/13/2006 07:35:00 AM  

  • First anonymous male,

    "I know a very, very good, virtuous man who almost turned to porn in a panic when his wife lost her sex drive after their child was born."

    This is exactly one kind of pressure I think many women feel after they have had babies. Even though a women should not feel responsible for such behavior, or thoughts toward such behavior, it's hard not to.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 07:40:00 AM  

  • Its good to know that I"m not crazy or alone. Unfortunetly I'm not sure I have any good advice or words of encouragement. I'm a first time mom, my baby is 13 months old and I still don't like sex. wait, wait, wait, let me re-word that, its not that I don't like sex cause I do, i'm just never in the mood for it. I don't know why. The last year has been miserable for me in that department. I don't think that is typical though, i'm sure with the advice of everyone else, you'll get over your hurdle much sooner than I have. Just hang in there, and remember that communicating with DH is very important about such matters. Boys don't understand what its like to give birth, we need to help them understand....good luck to you
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 07:44:00 AM  

  • "My hat really goes off to any married man who can forego any kind of sex for six weeks. I know a very, very good, virtuous man who almost turned to porn in a panic "

    Please! I understand that sex is important, but after the birth of my child I was in extreme pain. I could not sit or go to the bathroom without pain for weeks. Figuring out how to do these simple tasks without crying took up most of my time. I am all for creative options in the bedroom, but I think women are entitled to some patience after childbirth from their husbands without the threat that they might turn to porn if they don't get sex in a timely manner.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 07:54:00 AM  

  • I don't know if anyone's still reading this thread, but to anon who's baby is 13 months old and she still deosn't get in the mood, I would ask - are you nursing your baby?

    Nursing really changes things, both in the sex drive department, and in the ability to achieve orgasm department. It's more of a factor than sleep deprivation, etc, because we are encouraged to nurse even after the baby is sleeping and a schedule is set (I'm not saying that encouragement is a bad thing). Plus, nursing affects our hormones for as long as we do it. Nursing really does put a damper on the whole sex thing.

    I was so glad to hear that from my doc, that things wouldn't fully get back to normal until after weaning. Maybe that might help?
    posted by Anonymous sea at 6/13/2006 11:57:00 AM  

  • Has anyone not had these feelings? Seriously. I was lucky enough to have a pre-baby class teacher who told all the husbands that anything they got for the first 6 months to a year after birth was a gift to them and they had better kiss our feet for it. I love that woman. The worst part is explaining that you would like nothing better than to love and enjoy intimacy again but you physically can not make yourself conjure up those feelings. It's rough.
    posted by Blogger The Daring One at 6/13/2006 12:16:00 PM  

  • Another anonymous male--you're funny. If you don't think snuggling is a good alternative...what are some of your ideas? Just remember, these are options so you don't feel shut out--something to be close to your wife. She might feel like sex or nothing isn't fair. I'd love some fresh, male-perspective ideas!

    Another thing ladies, since even if you aren't in the mood, we probably shouldn't say no 100% of the time--try to work at being in the mood. Get a book with fun ideas on seducing each other (they're all over barnes and noble--101 nights of grrreat sex is one), wear something sexy (as much as you can post-baby), try to think about sex through the day--it might help so it's not so out of the blue come 10:00pm. These are of course, once you're past 6 weeks and not wincing at the thought of it!!
    posted by Anonymous gotta be anonymous at 6/13/2006 01:36:00 PM  

  • Response to sea....

    I"m not nursing, my baby was in the NICU for three months, so I unfortunetly didn't have the oppertunity too. So I"m not sure what my problem is. I was reading somewhere earlier that the pill can lower your sex drive, though I was on the pill for three years before and never had a problem either...I'm going to talk to my gyno about it anyways seems like the best thing to do, for any of us really, thats part of their job I think :)
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 04:56:00 PM  

  • I agree with gotta go anon ... sometimes, even if we're not in the mood, we need to make the effort. Now this in no way means that you have to jump in bed post-baby when your body doesn't feel healed. But down the line, sometimes we have to bend a little, especially if we have a patient and loving dh who isn't demanding sex.

    I like getting the male perspective on this topic. If there are more of you out there reading this thread, please don't be shy and let us know what you're thinking!

    Another thing, I agree that as women we DON'T need to be worried that our dh will resort to pornography if we're not back in bed by 6 weeks! Really, if anyone is resorting to porn, it is not only because they've been a little deprived of sex. Something else is going on there in my opinion.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 05:40:00 PM  

  • My male perspective returns. Call me Brad.
    You are all correct that there should be not threat of porn or anything else like that from a man when a woman loses her desire. In my friend's case, though, I think there was very little communication between them, and they had a very active sex life before, so to see it gone all of a sudden with no explanation wreaked havoc on my friend's mind. Like I said, these things really need to be discussed very openly, otherwise men can get into the destructive mentality of wondering if she has "fallen out of love with me" and things like that.
    Ladies, I understand sex hurts after you have a baby. I'm not arguing with that. But does even the manual option hurt? There are many ways to have sex; the idea that it's intercourse or nothing is ridiculous. Use your hand, and he'll be just fine.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/13/2006 06:54:00 PM  

  • Using "the hand" can work --we've done it before, but do you know how completely unsatsifying that is to a woman??

    I mean, come on! Not only have we had a child ripped from our loins, our hormone levels are all over the place, stitches are healing ever so slowly, and we can't have intercourse without cringing, now we have to make sure DH is satisfied sexually while we get nothing in return? I know there should be sacrifice and love in a marriage --THAT'S WHAT GIVING BIRTH WAS FOR...Hubby can sacrifice by just chillin' for a few.

    My DH was a virgin for 22 years before we married. He can go without it for a couple of months while my vaginal area heals. Seriously. It's called self-control.

    P.S. DH would agree with me on this. We're VERY open about our post-baby sex life....
    posted by Anonymous w anon at 6/14/2006 05:28:00 AM  

  • anon with 13 month old baby--

    Yes, the pill can affect your sex drive. I didn't know it until I went off to try to get pregnant, and boy, was my DH happy with the change. When I went back on the pill after a baby, I noticed my sex drive never really picked up again, so I went off the pill again just to see if it changed things. It did, and I've never gone back.

    But I do know it can affect you differently at different times, especially after a baby, as can different brands, etc. So I would definitely talk to your doc, try different B.C. methods, etc. Best of luck to you.
    posted by Anonymous sea at 6/14/2006 10:25:00 AM  

  • anon,

    I know the manual option is unsatisfying for the woman. But if you're not looking for satisfaction and your husband is, then why not help him out every few nights? You could even make a deal where he changes all the diapers and gets up a disproportionate amount of the time in the night.
    I imagine most husbands would really go out of their way to make it worth your while. On the other hand, there are a lot of guys who can shrug off not having sex for a couple of months (I really envy them!).
    On a scary note, if your husband does not get that release from you, his body is going to make that release happen in dreams every few days, and there is no predicting who the women are going to be in those dreams. It can be a very jarring, vexing experience for a guy. Help him out. C'mon, you can do it!
    Now, aren't you glad you're not a man, and don't have to deal with this crazy sex drive?
    posted by Anonymous Brad at 6/15/2006 12:24:00 AM  

  • Brad....jarring and vexing??? I thought men enjoyed variety?? :) And, I'd like to challenge the "every few nights", c'mon it takes longer than that. Hey, I bet at least one woman would trade her monthly periods, pregnancy, weight gain, delivery, post crap etc......for a little "sex drive" issue too! Aren't YOU lucky! Heehee Don't get me wrong, I agree the drive is different or whatever and yes, I suppose it's part of the "deal" as wives, but it's still gotta be give and take.....mostly just thougtfulness post baby.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 6/15/2006 04:06:00 PM  

  • Sacrificing some sex drive and trying to control your thoughts because you love, honor and cherish your wife cannot possibly be that hard. Of course, I am not a man. But my husband is able to control himself and he doesn't see what the big deal is...I am not saying that doing it manually is completely wrong or weird --we've done it pre-baby before. It's just that when a woman has gone through child birth, that sacrifice HAS to trump sexual desire. It HAS to. I mean, seriously! Can you imagine how much pain--emotionally, mentally, and physically--that the wife had to go through to bring that man's child into the world? Why can't she be given some slack? What kind of a responsibility she has now --raising a child and letting her body heal. Why does she have to make sure her husband doesn't look at porn, have wet dreams, and/or resent her because sex hurts so badly now?

    Sacrifice cuts both ways. It has to and it should. Having an out-of-control sex drive doesn't give a man the right to make his wife feel like crap just cause she's not givin' it his way post-baby. There's gotta be some sensitivity here. I'm just glad my husband seems to get it...

    P.S. Please don't think I'm trying to make you feel bad if your sex drive is higher than other men's. Your right--that would suck. I just want you to see it from a woman's view that men don't HAVE to be satisfied sexually every minute of the day --especially post-baby!!
    posted by Anonymous w anon at 6/15/2006 05:28:00 PM  

  • Ok, I just found your blog today and I have to say that I love you ladies. I'm a guy (not that there's anything wrong with that)and have been THOROUGHLY entertained this entire afternoon (I guess I will be working tomorrow after all). I've laughed and cried and been really touched.

    As for the post partum issues, I'm not a female and I can't comment for myself, but my wife is still getting over the post partum un-sexiness...

    Our youngest is 5 1/2...YEARS old! ;-)
    posted by Anonymous MWC in TX at 8/04/2006 04:32:00 PM  

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