17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Don't Tell Dad

Words I never dreamed would be uttered by my four-year-old. It is just past her bedtime and we are waiting up for Dad since he rarely makes it home before the newly established 7 PM bedtime (thank you Poopy for waking up the entire house, including big sis at 5:45 sharp each morning). We are singing the Articles of Faith Songs 1-5, except 3 because I can't remember the words or the tune (and they call me the primary chorister...). The following conversation then ensues:

Pukey: (looking at my diamond ring) Mom, I want Dad to give me a ring like this.
Me: How about a nice boy that you really like gives you a diamond ring someday?
Pukey: When I grow up I am going to have a boyfriend, and kiss him on the lips and then marry him.
Me: Where did you learn about boyfriends and kissing on the lips?
Then Pukey gets a wide giddy smile.
Pukey: I have a boyfriend and he kissed me
Me: Where?
The giddiness is contagious. Even though I am quite concerned about this, it is the first "girl talk" I am experiencing with Pukey, and I am giddy now too.
Pukey: On the lips
Me: Where?
Pukey: In the playroom at school.
Me: What's his name?
Pukey: Joelle
Me: Tell me more
Pukey: Don't tell the teachers
Me: Did he just say, Pukey come over here I want to kiss you on the lips?
Pukey: Yeah, he said come here I want to kiss you and then he kissed me. Don't tell Dad.
Me: Pukey! (At this point I am near tears with giddiness and laughter because she is confessing and telling me not to tell her father. Where did she learn this?)

In walks Dad. And we spill it all. DH is smiling too. It is joyous because our daughter is confiding in us and experiencing something new. It is terrifying because she already knows about boyfriends and kissing on the lips and she is 4.

My fave part of the Dad and Pukey conversation:
DH:What's his name?
Pukey: Joelle
DH: What's his last name?
Pukey: I don't know
DH: How old is he?
Pukey: 6
DH: What's his Dad do?
Pukey: Don't tell the teachers.


  • Oh, this makes me laugh SO HARD. I love it!
    posted by Blogger chloe at 4/15/2006 12:30:00 PM  

  • When my son was 5 he was totally in love with a girl in his Sunday School class. She used to come over with her younger sister sometimes to play.

    I still have the "book" he wrote about her. He drew stick figures on index cards and taped them together into a book using electrical tape (must've been all we had). It's the sweetest thing.
    posted by Anonymous Susan M at 4/15/2006 02:13:00 PM  

  • I had a "boyfriend" in nursery school. So I was about four. We met at the carpentry bench. We used to hide behind the curtains of the window and he would kiss me. He would never let me kiss him though! I don't think I ever told my mom OR dad and didn't kiss another boy until I was 15.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 4/15/2006 02:37:00 PM  

  • I would definitely keep tabs on this situation. Sure, this may be innocent and no big deal. Plenty of people have preschool/kindergarten crushes. But...
    First of all, if any child of mine says "don't tell Dad" I would matter of factly say "Dad and I don't have secrets. We decide things together about our children."
    Some things to think about. This boy is older? Why did she say twice that she didn't want you to tell the teachers? Because she thinks she was doing something wrong? Because the boy told her not to tell?
    I personally, prefer that my children not kiss while too young to date. If it is ok at 5, is it ok at 10, is it ok at 14? How can you draw the line at 12 and say no making out, if you let your 5 year old kiss on the lips?
    I have told my children that when they are older, they can have a girlfriend/boyfriend and kiss on the lips. My 8 year old recently asked if it was ok that she had a crush on someone. I told her yes. My 6 year old asked what a crush was, I said "When you like someone and you want them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend when you grow up." A week later my daughter asked "Is it ok if I don't have a crush on someone anymore?"
    So, this boyfriend situation with your daughter may pass quickly, and you don't want to make too big a deal over it. I personally would keep it lowkey but kind of ease her into the idea that when you are four, kissing is for your family.
    I don't trust other children, since many children act out sexually either because they have been abused, or they have accidently seen porn or other things on TV that were meant for adults.
    posted by Anonymous JKS at 4/15/2006 08:18:00 PM  

  • I knew a married couple that had grown up in the same small town. In their living room they had framed a note that she had written to him in kindergarten and his mother (amazingly) had saved. It said "John will you marry me?" It was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
    posted by Blogger Gina at 4/15/2006 08:29:00 PM  

  • I LOVE this post! It is so cute! And I love that you got "giddy" right along with your daughter. I think that by making her feel comfortable in telling you this and being really low key, it's a very healthy way to deal with it. If you make a HUGE deal about it and tell her to NEVER EVER do it again, it'll make her all the more curious and tempted to do it again. Just keep it casual like you are- you're doing a great job!
    posted by Blogger BJHBHB at 4/15/2006 08:45:00 PM  

  • My very first boyfriend was JR in kindergarden. We had a playhouse set up in the classroom and he and would meet in there and kiss. We told people that we were married. After kindergarden, though, we were in different classes. Sigh....I'll never know what happened to JR but he was a good first boyfriend. Didn't say much, interested in kissing, liked what I wore...good stuff.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 4/16/2006 09:36:00 AM  

  • Very cute--it is great that you have that kind of an open, fun relationship with your dear child. Pretty soon poor Joelle will have the cooties, so this is fun while it lasts.
    posted by Blogger a spectator at 4/16/2006 11:41:00 AM  

  • i think you handled it well. its very important to helpo her be comfortable with telling both you and DH things. keep the lines open, cause it will get more difficult all too soon.
    OH! her first boyfriend.... definitely write this down for her to read when she finally does get married.
    posted by Blogger ksl at 4/17/2006 01:47:00 PM  

  • Kage, That conversation is PRICELESS! I love her reaction and yours. Too cute. Now, I'd just want the kissing boy to go away...
    posted by Blogger Katie at 4/24/2006 06:48:00 PM  

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