17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

From the Tales Inbox: Facebook Etiquette

I am in need of some facebook help. I just recently signed on because I had so many family members and friends inviting me to be their friend. At first it was fun but now I'm starting to feel kind of weird about it. I guess I'm just not familiar with the etiquitte. Can anyone fill me in on it?

For example, what do I do about the individuals from High School who add me as their friend but I don't want to confirm them. Is that totally rude? I've got several old YW from past wards who are checking in on me plus my kids are always looking over my shoulder. What would they think if they saw under my "friends" a shirtless man covered in tattoos, a girl bearing way too much skin with her tongue out, or another girl with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and two guys around her neck. I'm not judging these individuals but I hope to keep it very clean on my profile page.

Also, do I have to respond to everyone who writes on my wall? It really could consume way too much time. I feel like blogging is different because it is actual meaningful conversation but facebook is a bit too cluttered, and quite random.

I know we should be a "friend" to everyone but really where do you draw the line?


New Facebooker



    from a blurker!
    posted by Blogger Becky, yep at 10/01/2008 09:09:00 AM  

  • I am wondering the same things. I will be interested to hear facebookers explain etiquette.
    posted by Blogger Melissa at 10/01/2008 09:28:00 AM  

  • Yes, I think it's best to accept almost everybody's friend requests, at least if you know them in real life. If you don't, you keep showing up on their "people you might know" page so they'll know you didn't accept them. Some can be added as "limited" meaning they can only see certain parts of your profile, which is nice.

    No, you don't have to respond to everyone who writes on your wall. And I wouldn't worry about what your kids see bc if you don't visit the person's profile, the friend pics are tiny anyway so no one can tell. And it'd be good for your kids to see the occasional tattoo :).
    posted by Anonymous Pam at 10/01/2008 09:48:00 AM  

  • I don't know if there *is* facebook etiquette. I wonder the same things as you, but mostly I wonder when people add me that I've maybe spoken two words to them, but we did go to high school together.

    I think it's completely personal and up to you. Confirm/Ignore at your pleasure. If they know you ignored them, so what? So you might make somebody you don't know very well go 'huh, guess she didn't want to confirm me' it's not the end of anybody's world.
    posted by Blogger The Wiz at 10/01/2008 10:11:00 AM  

  • I agree to confirm or ignore as you see fit, that's fine.

    But, and this is just my opinion, I think that anyone who's viewing your facebook friends (and that would be someone else who is a facebook user) understands that we don't control the profile pictures of our friends, and that some of them are friends from long ago! Okay, if these people are going to post pictures of YOUR tattoos or you smoking, that might be another matter! But the fact that you know people who make different life choices than you do shouldn't be too much of a surprise to anyone.

    Do whatever makes you comfortable in the end, and that will be the right choice!

    Oh and no, no need to respond to every wall post.
    posted by Blogger marian at 10/01/2008 10:41:00 AM  

  • yeah, heaven forbid your kids or someone else's kids know that YOU know someone with TATTOOS! it's okay to let yourself out of your bubble once in a while and to allow others, especially children, to witness acts of tolerance.
    posted by Anonymous makakona at 10/01/2008 05:24:00 PM  

  • I don't know any etiquette. I just know what I do. I don't accept invitations from just anyone who requests. I only allow people who are/were actually my friends (and good acquaintances). Like The Wiz says, who cares if they feel "ignored".

    I don't spend a lot of time writing on walls and thus, not many people spend time writing on mine. I guess you get what you give.

    As for the profile pictures, if these pictures are from people that are actually your friends, I wouldn't worry about your kids or other youth seeing bare shoulders or tattoos. If I only kept friends based on their outward appearance, my life would be pretty terrible and I hope my kids learn the same.
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 10/01/2008 05:39:00 PM  

  • I am pretty new to facebook and also am figuring out the "etiquette." I have to agree, that you should be selective on those you add as friends. I've got to be honest, I dont know or remember quite a few people who requested me as a friend. Therefore I am not that close to them and dont need "randoms" seeing my photo's or knowing to much about me. You have to remember that this is the web, and I believe in leaving my personal info to those close family and friends.

    I think you have to be selective on who you add not just becuase of profile pics but also what "activities" and language they are using. Learned this the hard way by adding someone I kind'a remembered and knew in college. Everytime I logged on, he had totally inapropriate language and made comments all the time so I could'nt not see it! I finally deleated him. Just not nessasary.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 10/01/2008 06:26:00 PM  

  • what do you do when a member of the stake presidency requests to skype with you?
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 10/01/2008 07:44:00 PM  

  • I don't agree with some of the comments and I do a lot of "facebooking." Most of the time people go on to facebook for a reason... to keep in touch with family, old friends, etc. If you haven't talked to that person in a year don't feel bad not adding them to your facebook. Were you mad that they didn't call you to say "hi" in the last year? Who cares, you won't ever see them. If the point is to talk with old friends, then yes, add them, you can always delete them later.

    Please don't respond to every message someone sends you because it shows up on the "News Feed" which you may not want everyone seeing anyway. In that case, send that person a personal message. You will find that option under their picture on their page.

    As far as chatting on skype with a member of the stake presidency... probably don't do it. It could get awkward and you don't want to put yourself or him in a weird situation.
    posted by Blogger Razzy at 10/02/2008 01:54:00 AM  

  • Heck no, I don't add everybody who wants to be as a friend, and I try to tell my husband not to either. We have pictures of our kids on our Facebook profiles, and I want to share those pictures with old friends and family members who don't get to see us. That doesn't mean, however, that I want an old science teacher from my highschool (yes, he actually requested me as a friend) seeing my kids. Seriously, I wasn't even his student. Creepy.

    Facebook isn't about them. It's about you. It's as narcissist a medium as it gets, and you can do whatever you want, including excluding people you think are kinda creepy.

    That said, I can't say that I even look at other people's friend's photos much, unless I know them. You can't really see much anyway, with those tiny thumbnails, so I wouldn't worry about what other people think of your friends' profile pictures.
    posted by Blogger Heather O. at 10/27/2008 08:33:00 PM  

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