Navigating the Classroom Mom

I recently volunteered and followed through with hosting Pukey's kindergarten HOLIDAY party in my home.

When the request was on the table, I figured everyone had an undersized apartment for such an event, and I like hosting parties, so I immediately signed up. I figured it would run like any other party that I frequently (compared to most people I know), have...everyone comes, brings something to share, party hearty people!

A few weeks leading up to the party I started getting hurried suggestions for a craft from one of the room moms. I wasn't down with a craft because 45 people (and furniture, kitchen appliances and 45 sets of winterwear) in 700square feet doesn't allow for much crafting. And also: who wants to craft at a party? But, I looked online and found one I thought would work and emailed it to her. She blew off my email and kept talking in circles about some craft book she had somewhere that might have something. Unspoken words in my head: "Well, I found something..." She just doesn't listen quite so well. AND if you are mid-conversation with her and one of her kids shows up, forget it....you have just become invisible.

A few days before the party she called to discuss the party. Well, what I thought of as MY party, but what she thought of as HER party. PROBLEM.

I listened respectfully to her talking around in circles bit. (I am trying to be very careful in how I navigate this woman because we will be having a long relationship. The kindergarten class that my daughter is in is composed of the same kids that will be in her 1st-8th grade class, so there is no crossing fingers for something different next year. uh-uh.)

When I made a suggestion for the party, 3 out of 4 times, she countered it with the opposite sugary-sweet DEMAND.

Her: What were you thinking as a structure for the party?
Me: I don't really structure parties, but perhaps we could throw a Christmas movie on in Pukey's room if the kids start getting restless.
Her: Well, I don't know if a Christmas movie is appropriate since 2 of the kids do not celebrate Christmas.
Me: Well, it wouldn't be one about Jesus, but fine, I will just put out the Disney movies. (moving on...)

Her:95 second monologue on how since Christmas is so the majority out there that it is not appropriate to show at a Holiday party, but a Hannakah movie would be ok to show since that is the minority blah blah blah blah.

Me: Fine. I will just put out the Disney movies. (moving on...)

Luckily I got her to agree that the craft would just have to be a back-burner item and only pulled out for dire circumstances....and it was never pulled out btw.

Next issue: Music.
Me: Well, now that I know your ideas on the Christmas movie, I will alter my music plans and just pick the secularist of secular Christmas tunes to mix in with just plain old pop and childrens music.

Her: Well, maybe this sounds hypocritical, but I don't think there is anything wrong with playing Christmas music at a Holiday part.

Me: voice in head: Yes you are sounding hypocritical. What I really said: Well, whatever, that's what I am going to stick with.

I hope that this woman's intentions are good and she was just trying to be SUPER sensitive to the needs of all the children, but I felt that as a result she was not sensitive in the least to my role as host, and opening my home to 45 people! One of her arguments/points was that we are in a public school so we have to make sure we are super sensitive to the needs of all involved, and thus repress who we are and what we celebrate in such a setting. I told her I was not taking down my Christmas trees, sorry. She certainly didn't expect me too, but I was trying to jokingly express my disdain for her position.

The ironic thing is that I feel that because we are part of a public school, I expect to be exposed to all sorts of lifestyles and cultures, and I am thrilled for my child to learn about the families in her class. I opened my home so that these people could walk in and smell it, and look at what I have hung on the walls, and see my Christmas decorations and hear my music and get to know our family and what we believe and what we celebrate. Exposing each other to that is a huge part of being publicly educated...and that's why I felt so smothered by this super-sensitivity. And it also left me confused. If she named it a Holiday Party, just what Holiday was she referring to? Hmmmmmmmmm.....

I didn't quite stand up for myself to this woman. The reason is because I am trying to be careful because we will have to work together for a long time. And also, I don't feel that she hears me. When we talk, it's just her ideas, and never mine. I feel I would be wasting my breath. I know someday we may have to have a conversation, but a little confrontation never scared me.

The party ended up being a huge success. Everyone had a great time. I chatted with one of the Jewish moms and she didn't seemed phased in the least that our party was more Christmas than Holiday. She explained that Hannakah is such a non-holiday and it's the Christiam American's that puff it up, so that they feel less guilty for going all-out for Christmas! Ha! She is my favorite mom so far, and after that party, even more so.

PS. The grab bag was the room mom's idea and she brought hers wrapped in non-holiday doggy paper.