17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

1 Piece of Advice...just 1

If you could give the soon-to-be-mother 1 piece of advice, only 1....what would it be. Only 1.

Here's mine. Carrie gave it to me...so sorry Carrie if I am stealing yours:
Eat, Awake/Activity, Sleep, YOU

The baby eats, is awake for a while, goes to sleep and then you have YOU time. Repeat this cycle as many times as necessary throughout the day.

Remember...only 1 piece of advice...your life depends on it.


  • The Best Advice we received was

    "You'll neer be free from worry again."

    Oh, wait, is that really advice?

    Matt W.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 2/13/2007 09:15:00 AM  

  • My one piece of advice would be to not put your life on hold because there's a baby in the picture. Still go to movies, out to eat, to the mall, to museums, or whatever you used to do before. You can do a lot of these activities with a little one and if you can't, don't feel guilty leaving a babysitter in charge. Doing activities outside of the house helps rejuvenate me when I'm getting exhausted at home.
    posted by Anonymous BD at 2/13/2007 09:21:00 AM  

  • Never say never.

    For example, "My child with never pick his/her nose." or "My child will never sleep with us." etc. etc. :)
    posted by Blogger Namona at 2/13/2007 09:21:00 AM  

  • only one? hmmm...
    help your child learn to be independent. That's a little difficult with a newborn, but you need to start early letting them learn how to do things for themselves so when they get older they don't depend on you for everything (getting to sleep, complete entertainment, making simple decisions, sharing/playing with others, etc)
    posted by Blogger Lucy at 2/13/2007 10:10:00 AM  

  • Try, try as hard as you can, to speak out about the positive things when people ask how you are. Talk about how excited you are to be pregnant, not the fact that you can only wear flip flops your feet are so swollen. Talk about how thrilled you are that your baby has started smiling at you, not the fact that you're exhausted from disrupting your sleep four times each night to feed him.

    If you say the positive things, you'll think the positive things, and feel so much happier for it.
    posted by Blogger Emily C at 2/13/2007 10:23:00 AM  

  • Don't sweat the small stuff.
    posted by Anonymous Susan M at 2/13/2007 10:26:00 AM  

  • Trust your instincts. You will know what is best for your baby.
    posted by Anonymous Anonymous at 2/13/2007 10:40:00 AM  

  • Start pouring the bath water over your kid's head to rinse out the shampoo early on - I mean when they're only a few months old and right over their face. Otherwise you'll end up with kids who are so afraid of a drop of water entering their eyes that every bath includes some kind of blind, frantic, desperate reaching for a towel. And they'll never learn to swim either. Well, I don't know if that's true, but the panic attacks in the tub - that's true.
    posted by Blogger rebecca at 2/13/2007 10:51:00 AM  

  • I like "never say never" but I'll go with - go easy on yourself.

    To what Emily C said about being positive, I agree with that but I also think it's refreshing to hear other mothers express real frustration. It helps me feel like I'm not alone. I'm not talking about complaining all the time, but an occasional burst of "real" is very theraputic.
    posted by Blogger Kathryn at 2/13/2007 11:04:00 AM  

  • Don't take your baby's failure to smile at you for the first few months as a personal insult. It's hard not getting any positive feedback from the little one, but they just don't know how to give it.
    posted by Blogger Starfoxy at 2/13/2007 11:49:00 AM  

  • I lived by EASY - thanks to Carrie and the Baby Whisperer. Great routine.
    My advice is to let people help you. Don't feel guilty for accepting help from husband, family and friends. It was my life line.
    posted by Blogger Melissa at 2/13/2007 12:48:00 PM  

  • Nothing lasts forever. Not colic, bed wetting, or screaming toddlers. The end of such things will eventually come
    posted by Blogger Abby at 2/13/2007 01:12:00 PM  

  • EASY is from the Baby Whisperer. Tracy Hogg. My one piece of advice is to read her books. And to ignore all the "What To Expect" crap.
    posted by Blogger The Wiz at 2/13/2007 01:25:00 PM  

  • Pick an early bedtime and use it from the start, you'll need the down time.

    THis advice was given to me by a girlfriend just before my first baby. We picked 7:00-7:30 and from the very beginning (well, after they were using some semblence of a schedule) and stuck with it even now. Then we, hubby and me, had a good four hours to decompress, get caught up, and have some alone time. Plus, when they started school we didn't have to adjust their schedule to get them up early. My sister always asked how I got them to do that. I told her they have never known anything different.

    I was so grateful for this advice, especially when I would watch my sister fight to get her kids in bed at 9, 10 or even 11:00. Meanwhile hubs and I had already had two hours of cuddle time on the couch!! Granted her kids always slept in til 9:00 and mine were up at 7:00 on the nose, but SOOOOO worth it. (plus, if you ask, most doctors and "child professionals" will tell you this is the way to go anyway)
    posted by Anonymous mimi at 2/13/2007 01:27:00 PM  

  • Never do once something you do not intend to do always.

    This may be more appropriate for older kids: don't get candy from a dispenser at the store unless you ALWAYS will, don't let the pull hte CDs of the shelf (so cute the first time, with a sheepish smile) unless it is ALWAYS ok, don't rock to sleep unless you you ALWAYS will. You get the picture.
    posted by Blogger a spectator at 2/13/2007 01:35:00 PM  

  • SLEEP WHEN YOU CAN (especially --especially!! --if you have other children; and milk it if it's your first! Sleep, girl, sleep!).

    p.s. To add onto Rebecca's --don't pour the water in their ears, though. You would think this is obvious, but my aunt thought it would prevent ear infections...4 years of infections later and tubes put in twice has changed her mind...:)
    posted by Blogger Cheryl at 2/13/2007 01:57:00 PM  

  • I hope nobody thinks I am clever enough to come up with the E.A.S.Y. method myself! I love Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Her E.A.S.Y. method kept me sane when I felt totally inadequate as a new mother. That is why I try to pass on her advice as well as a copy of her book to the new moms I meet.
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 2/13/2007 02:47:00 PM  

  • Good advice all around!

    I beleive my official statement is as follows, "Don't sweat the petty stuff, and (if at all possible) don't pet the sweaty stuff."

    heheheheee!That gets me giggling every time.
    posted by Blogger Rachel H at 2/13/2007 02:57:00 PM  

  • Thanks for this post. I'm due with our first any day now. (Glad the Baby Wisperer was the only book I read.)
    posted by Blogger miggy at 2/13/2007 03:41:00 PM  

  • Ok, a piece of advice for the newborn mom

    It WILL get better.

    And for the mom of a toddler (I just got this advice myself)

    Things can be replaced. . .kids can't.
    posted by Blogger wendysue at 2/13/2007 04:18:00 PM  

  • My first choices are already taken (E.A.S.Y., trust your instincts, sleep when the baby sleeps) so I will say make sure you still make time for your husband. There is so much focus on the mommy & baby sometimes dad gets pushed to the side. And don't forget mom & dad time - make time for dates, even with a newborn (if trustworthy babysitters or grandparents live nearby).
    posted by Blogger Beth at 2/13/2007 05:16:00 PM  

  • Remember, the wedding is only the first day of your marriage.

    Oh wait, wrong topic. Sorry...

    Um... to build on Susan's comment of don't sweat the small stuff (a yin to the yang, if you will), I would say:

    Enjoy the simple moments.

    A smile, a walk, a shared laugh, a hug, a kiss, seeing them play when they don't realize you're watching, reading them a story, just to name a few.

    No question, raising kids is stressful, but oftentimes, the kids will warm your heart and make your day with a simple gesture.
    posted by Anonymous E. Guzman at 2/13/2007 05:50:00 PM  

  • Wow...we even got E Guzman to comment...cool...rebecca I thought your comment was hilarious...love it.

    Sorry, didn't mean to give Carrie undo credit....I am sure she would have come up with it if Ms. Hogg hadn't (may she rest in peace)
    posted by Blogger Kage at 2/13/2007 06:02:00 PM  

  • The Wiz took mine. Baby Whisperer. Life saver - all of them (and www.babywhisperer.com).

    EASY - Best thing ever. Ever.
    posted by Blogger Amy at 2/13/2007 07:54:00 PM  

  • Cherish every moment as if it were the only one you have... you never know when things might change. Cherish, cherish, cherish.
    posted by Blogger BJHBHB at 2/13/2007 09:18:00 PM  

  • Babies cry.

    And that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad mom, and it's okay to put them down and let them cry for a little while. Just turn the radio up loud and give yourself a break.
    posted by Blogger Trivial Mom at 2/14/2007 08:04:00 AM  

  • No one ever talks about how hard breastfeeding can be to get started. It can be frustrating and make you cry. So my piece of advice is to STICK with it, it will be worth it and have your hubby help you through it by motivating and calming the baby down if needed
    posted by Blogger Erin at 2/14/2007 10:06:00 AM  

  • I learned about the EASY method from Kage and Carrie - fabulous. Worked great.


    Darn it, I'm going to do two. Who can stop me!

    One - it's OK to let them cry. Trust your gut - if their cries sound like pain/something wrong that's one thing...but most of the time babies just cry. It's OK to let them cry and not stop your world. They will learn to soothe themselves - better in the long run for you.

    And try (situation permitting) to go out one time a week for a few hours by yourself. Just that one break a week for a few hours will save your mind and your soul - we love our children dearly but we also need our breaks.
    posted by Blogger chloe at 2/14/2007 05:43:00 PM  

  • When you are feeding your baby or otherwise holding her, savor the moment completely: close your eyes and memorize how her fist feels around your finger, feel the silkiness of her hairline against your lips, stroke the rounded cheekies, notice when you hold her in the crook of your arm how perfectly her little diapered bum fits in your hand. Watch how her pupils dilate (a sign of recognition and interest) when you talk to her as she nurses. Just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy those quiet moments together. Babies grow sooooo fast.
    posted by Anonymous Idahospud at 2/14/2007 06:44:00 PM  

  • Don't read just one parenting book. Always read another with hopefully another perspective. Some are strong on one side of things and reading another view (especially when you've not experienced motherhood before) is important.
    posted by Blogger Katie at 2/15/2007 08:12:00 AM  

  • chloe...you're fired.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 2/15/2007 05:18:00 PM  

  • Always carry a change of clothes for baby- and (most importantly at least a shirt for you. :) I found out the hard way while running thru the airport looking for a shirt for me.
    posted by Blogger FrogLegs at 2/17/2007 09:03:00 AM  

  • You CAN'T spoil a newborn!
    posted by Anonymous jj at 2/17/2007 08:27:00 PM  

  • Best advice I ever got.....
    Sometimes parenting sucks. And that's fine. Because when you are covered in poop, food, puke, or any combination thereof, and when you are tired and frazzled and ready to cry you just won't like parenting. It's not all warm snuggles and kisses. But you will still love your kid. You don't have to like poop to like your kid, that's just the way it is.
    posted by Blogger Mo Mommy at 2/19/2007 03:50:00 PM  

  • Labor is the EASIEST part of having children. Being frustrated and shedding tears is all apart of it. therefore, you should never feel guilty when you feel you cant handle it. Take 2 IBU, go to bed and you will feel a lot better.
    posted by Blogger ksl at 2/21/2007 10:04:00 AM  

  • I know I'm joining the conversation terribly late, but just in case some soon-to-be mom is reading this, I have to contradict "a spectators" advice: "Never do once something you do not intend to do always."

    Sometimes they need to be rocked to sleep even if their normal mode of falling asleep is on their own and in their crib. Sometimes they're sick and hurting and need extra cuddling. Sometimes it's ok to get messy while eating (at home while learning to use a spoon) and sometimes it's not (at a restaurant). Sometimes it's ok to draw all over paper (blank paper, in a coloring book), sometimes it's not (in daddy's planner). I think kids are smart enough to understand that there's a difference as long as we're clear in each instance. It's when we waffle in indecision during a particular moment ("I'll just pick her up and hug her one more time and then she has to go to sleep on her own") that they get confused and mixed messages (and know that they can manipulate us).

    And my favorite advice given here is from "Idahospud": "Just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy those quiet moments together." I've always hated the hair on my arms (way too long), until it became the part of my body that my nursing daughter's fingers always gravitated to as she was getting most comfortable. Perhaps Heavenly Father gave me long arm hair because he knew it would comfort my first child. I still haven't tired of those close moments.
    posted by Blogger sunny at 3/18/2007 03:41:00 AM  

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