Doorknobs....

My mom raised 4 children, whose ages spanned 11 years. 1 year she had a child in preschool, elementary school, middle school and high school. Imagine how much I loved my little sister tagging along during freshman-orientation in her "high shoes" (high-heeled plastic disney princess shoes).

I remember my mom telling me recently that she remembered rejoicing one day when she realized that her children were all at an age where tears did not happen every day.

I am longing for that day. Poopy's tears don't bother me so much. She is three and she gets over whatever she is sad about pretty quickly. It's Pukey that has been troubling me lately. She has been having very bad emotional breakdowns. They are usually started by her being "rushed" or when faced with having to stop watching cartoons to practice.

The crying jags turn into drama. She starts talking about all these injustices that have happened to her in the past 6 months or so: "All my friends at school are mean to me, you are hard on me during practice, I want to go on vacation, I miss my best friend in California...." My DH and I call it monologuing. She just talks herself into a full-out tirade.

Between the two of my girls, emotions and craziness seems to be running out of control. I finally picked up a few self-help-parenting books off my bookshelf yesterday. Both books I had been reading earlier, and so I just picked up where I left off.

The first one I picked up was Helping Parents Practice by Edmund Sprunger, and this was the first paragraph:

"When children respond in these kinds of ways, deep down, they're not testing limits to upset us; they're testing the limits to see if we're really reliable and dependable. They want to know if they can trust what we say. They don't necessarily want the limit to change. It's a bit like when you close your front door, then turn the knob to check to see if it's truly locked. You're not wanting to open the door. But knowing that the door is secured, you feel safer. In the same way, children don't really want their partents to give in. They want to know that they're reliable."

Then I picked up the second one, The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson:

"When a child behaves in ways that are disrespectful or harmful to himself to others, his hidden purpose is often to verify the stability of the boundaries. This testing has much the same function as a policeman who turns doorknobs at places of business after dark. Though he tries to open doors, he hopes they are locked and secured. Likewise, a child who assaults the loving authority of his parents is greatly reassured when their leadership holds firm and confident."

So, I'm going...are my children acting out because they are searching for boundaries? Am I not giving them? I thought I was like totally a boundary-giving mom, but maybe I'm not...or is this a new SET of boundaries being established?

Help...someone who knows something. I am drowning in raising my non-babies.