Tales From the Crib: Pregnancy Q and A

Monday, February 25, 2008

Pregnancy Q and A

There are 3 girls in our ward expecting their first babies, and so I am hosting a Pregnancy & Baby Q and A at my home for them in a week.

Even though it's only been 3 years since I birthed, I had almost forgotten about mucus plugs, so I am sure there is a whole list of things that are not on my brain.

Any newly pregnant girls out there reading, what questions would you want answered at a night like this?

Everyone else, if you could cover any one subject/thought/idea....what would it be?

I want to make sure they leave with a lot of information and a variety of ideas.

33 Comments:

I wish someone had told me how nauseous labor can be. I threw up several times. Of course, after giving birth I talked to my mom and mentioned it and she said, "oh, I threw up with all of you in the delivery room". Thanks Mom.

I think the other thing to remember is that everyone is different, someone might have labors and deliveries that are a breeze (one sister of mine), and others, certainly not (another sister of mine). I think that's part of the reason why 1st time mom's are so nervous about it. . .you just never know until you're in it.
posted by wendysue at 2/25/2008 07:47:00 AM
The first six weeks of nursing are the hardest: your baby will not sleep and will probably nurse every 45 minutes to 2 hours. Just accept it, don't fight it. Things get so much better after that time, get through the first growth spurts and you'll be home free.

I think if you know all of that in advance, it makes it easier to accept the crushing sleep deprivation :)
posted by Carina at 2/25/2008 07:54:00 AM
When I was expecting my 1st it seemed like everyone wanted to share their "horror" birth story, I was freaked out. Then my midwife mentioned something that really helped me, she told me that the reasons you mainly hear the horror stories around labor and delivery is that the easy ones don't make good stories. But I think that first time moms need to hear the good ones too. Oh and no one told me about the whole bleeding thing afterwards, that I wish I'd know a little sooner.
posted by Dorri at 2/25/2008 07:55:00 AM
I wish someone had told me how difficult the weeks after birth would be. I knew taking care of the baby would be hard, but I was ready for that. I had a rather difficult delivery and was unable to walk any real distance for a few weeks. Nobody mentioned this was a possibility.

Best advice I received was to go be fitted for a nursing bra. I did that a few days before my baby came and the new, well-fitting bras were a lifesaver. And the woman helping me who told me I'd be wearing a bra at night. That was shocking news to me. She helped me buy a more comfy one to sleep in. Best advice ever.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 08:04:00 AM
Nursing doesn't come naturally to some mothers and babies. Don't be afraid to go back to the hospital and visit with a lactation consultant. Also, don't feel guilty if you need to use formula. You'll save yourself a lot of grief.

I wish I had been warned about the leg cramps and sleepless nights. Hopefully they don't have to experience Restless Leg Syndrome!
posted by Liz at 2/25/2008 08:34:00 AM
Same as moddy; I remember mentioning to a neighbor who was having her first child that she would need overnight pads. No one had told her.

Also: great opportunity to talk about postpartum depression. Perhaps mention that it only happens in about 1 out of 8 pregnancies (or whatever the statistic is), but often the information given by nurses and medical people is rather antagonistic for some weird reason. Coming from another mother in a straightforward way could help remove some of the stigma and barriers to getting help.

How to find support if you need help breastfeeding.

I don't know how to put this one tactfully, but some societies have clear rules for postpartum women, such as their husband has to stay away from them for 6 weeks or 2 months. No woman should feel like she has to do that when she is sleep crazed, in pain from childbirth, and has all the lactating hormones raging around her system, but some husbands are young and inconsiderate. I don't know how you would tactfully inform a woman that this could be a big issue. Saying that your relationship is going to change is so vague.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 08:37:00 AM
oh, let's see

that you usually get a green light for sex at the six week checkup, and you might feel up to it at that time. or much sooner. or many months later.

during pregnancy, a lot of people bleed but it's OK. Call your dr but don't panic. But also, miscarriages are very common. Probably more than they think, and it's nothing you did.

during pregnancy, body fluids get really wacky. any mucus change is probably normal, even as it gets really weird in the last weeks.
posted by cchrissyy at 2/25/2008 08:40:00 AM
Even though you might be blessed with a 2-hour labor and single-push delivery, learn as much as you possibly can about childbirth. If you're not birthing at home (I don't think most first-time moms do!), KNOW your hospital or birth center's policies and your rights. Know what's safe and legal to refuse or ask for if you want to. You CAN refuse continuous fetal monitoring, for example! (Continuous fetal monitoring was definitely the worst part of labor for me.)

Choose a medical professional you can trust and who "gets it" when you talk about what you want in childbirth.

Take it from someone who found herself on an operating table after a long labor asking, "How did I get here?" I had read every book out there and felt like I talked to everyone, but I still didn't know enough. I didn't want a C-section but I didn't really know the repercussions of having one.

During my pregnancy, I focused way more on pregnancy than birth. I should have taken classes and at least talked to a doula. Fortunately I felt good about the ultimate decision of C-section given the circumstances, because I trusted my doctor. But now I know I could have prepared better for a long labor and who knows, maybe it would be different.

I also suggest Netflixing The Business of Being Born.

Lastly, of course, a healthy baby and mom is the most important. But your emotions matter too. If you are sad about any aspect of your birth, talk to someone about it so you can move on.

Also, I read a lot of archived posts on Tales that gave me TONS of info I was grateful for--about labor, delivery, c-sections, recovery, nursing, nursing bras, etc. It really helped a lot.

Really though--babies are worth it all!
posted by Eliza at 2/25/2008 09:35:00 AM
I have forgotten so much since the last one too but I am rather enjoying my new found naiveté right now.
posted by This is Carrie at 2/25/2008 09:35:00 AM
As I sit here with my 3 week old sleeping on my chest...

- Find a doctor you can trust. And who tells you things!! I love my doctor, but finding out that my baby was going to be a big one, especially since I was small, 6 hours into labor - not the best time!

- Remember your main goal is a healthy baby and a healthy you. I ended up with a C-section, which I did NOT want, but my baby is here and we're both doing great.

- I think the scariest thing for me towards the end of the pregnancy was the days where the baby hardly moved. I would be scared but couldn't tell you why until the next day when I really realized how much she usually did move. But she was completely okay. Although, if it had lasted much longer, I'd have freaked out completely, instead of only a little bit.

- Have more than one nursing bra. I still have to go buy more. :-(

... I'm so absorbed in the newness of having a baby and being a mom, I can barely remember being pregnant.

Oh, although most women wait until their 6 week check up to be okayed for sex... ask your doctor if you feel up to it before then. :-)
posted by Erin Marie at 2/25/2008 10:38:00 AM
Laboring advice: Eat soup before going to the hospital-since they don't let you eat anything while delivering it may be a while before your next meal.

If you are overdue-try going in for a massage-there are pressure points that can bring on labor if you are close anyway-I think it helped me-i went in that same night.
IF you are one of those that gets really sick like me-drink as much water as you can, if you get dehydrated it makes it so much worse- seabands helped a little for me-take 1/2 tablet of unisom to help you sleep through the constant waking up nausea-ask dr. first if it's okay-usually after your first tri-mester it is fine.
Try apple cider vinegar for heartburn-mix a teaspoon in water and drink it up.

Heres' my nursing advice: take a pair of old nylons and cut the legs off so you form a sort of tube top with the top portion-you wear this at night to keep your nursing pads inplace and don't have to wear a bra. Another helpful hint for nursing: put water in a diaper and microwave for a few seconds to provide a good moist heat pad for plugged ducts or stick it in the freezer for engorgement-the moisture will all stay in the diaper so you will stay dry.
posted by 5dollarFanatic at 2/25/2008 10:47:00 AM
actually, kage, there are 7 pregnant-for-the-1st-time women in your ward right now. +NB with her #2 and that would make 8 pregos.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 10:57:00 AM
oh, find the statistics about water breaking in labor. From the media, you'd think that was how you know your labor is starting, and it could happen just anywhere! Actually, only some people have their water break in early labor, and of those people, it may be hours before or hours after the contractions begin. Many other people have water break in late labor or pushing, and it is even possible for babies to be born in the bag.
posted by cchrissyy at 2/25/2008 11:28:00 AM
There are two things I would have found handy to know:

What a contraction feels like. For weeks, I just thought the baby was stretching in all directions at once. When your belly gets really really tight all over, that's a contraction. It is not the baby stretching - that is just in one place.

It's possible to not recognize a contraction. My water broke at home, and when we got to the hospital, I told them I wasn't having contractions. They hooked me up to the monitor and said, "actually, you're having fairly strong contractions every five minutes." Who knew? The monitor told me when a contraction was starting and stopping. I really couldn't tell until they got really really strong. If my water hadn't broken, I wouldn't have gone to the hospital until the baby was emerging, I think.
posted by Melinda at 2/25/2008 11:53:00 AM
I didn't finish my post! The second thing I would have found handy to know is that an epidural doesn't erase all feeling. I could still feel the urge to push, and feel the baby emerging even with the epidural. What I couldn't feel was the pain. I didn't know I'd had an episiotomy and still torn until after the baby was born because I didn't feel it at all.
posted by Melinda at 2/25/2008 11:57:00 AM
I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my first and have been trying to gather as much info as I can. I wish I could come to your info night! I think that is the best advice for first time moms. Get informed! Don't go into the hospital ignorant. I've talked to a lot of women who were really disappointed by their birth experience because they didn't know enough before hand.

What I'd like to know is what techniques any natural birthers used during labor? I'm exploring the options and would really love to hear some specifics of how women got through natural labor.
posted by Katrina at 2/25/2008 01:22:00 PM
I am due in 5-6 weeks and most of my questions are just plain logistics, as in, walk me through it, so maybe people in your ward would like that, too. I got a handout from the doctor explaining when to call, when to go to the hospital, etc. So I show up, then what happens? Sure, I've been on a tour, but I imagine most first-time moms would probably like to talk that through just for familiarity...and once the baby's out, what happens next? In the following hours? The following two days? That type of stuff, so you know what to imagine. I can worry about strollers/nursing pads/crib sheets/blahblahblah later; I want to know what to picture for the first 72 hours. Step by step, you know, pack the hospital bag, that type of thing.

Also, I have LOVED that people keep reminding me that it's okay to interrupt those "war stories" people insist on sharing about their traumatic labors and say nicely that I'm only hearing happy birth stories. That makes me a lot braver in those conversations.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 01:44:00 PM
anon, it's been a while since I wrote this and about 3 weeks since I have been to church...plus a few that I knew about that I thought I wasn't supposed to know about and apparently 2 more that I don't know about....so it should be interesting to see who shows up I guess! Please tell all of them they're all invited won't you?
posted by Kage at 2/25/2008 01:55:00 PM
I'm all for knowing the good, bad and the ugly. Of course we all have our fears being pregnant, or going into labor. But I would also make sure that the women feel as empowered and strong as possible. No one knows better what is going on with their bodies than they do (and of course the midwife/DR. that they trust). Trust that you will be strong and okay, and that you will get thru this awesome, crazy adventure!

I was so grateful that I got the advice to take a childbirth class at my hospital. Not necessarily because it gave me tons of good advice (which it did actually), but because it got me comfortable with the hospital where I delivered DS. I met nurses, asked questions, and people in my class had questions that I hadn't even thought of. Also, it gave me and DH and opportunity to have an open dialogue about what it was going to be like and what our expectations were, etc.

I also took a breastfeeding class - THANK GOODNESS! Also, pregnancy does crazy things to your body (and mind sometimes). Usually everything is okay, but if you have doubts always call your DR and don't be afraid to ask him/her whatever question is on your mind. Don't be afraid of "bothering them".

There is a lot to know. Don't let yourself get too overwhelmed. Take it one step at a time, and remember that the baby business is just that... a business. You don't have to buy the most expensive stroller and have a closet full of clothes all ready. Babies need very little, so don't be overwhelmed by all the "stuff" you're "supposed" to buy.
posted by Beth at 2/25/2008 02:10:00 PM
I think that since pregnancy, labor and delivery are so different for each person that the best advice is:

1. Tell them to ask questions. There are no stupid questions. It's something new and scary, and you shouldn't feel bad about asking anything. Also, don't be too embarrassed to ask about something. Most people who have gone through pregnancy are more than willing to talk about it, including all the embarrassing details.

2. If something doesn't seem right to you, don't let a doctor/nurse/your mother/anyone just tell you that it's fine, or that it will be fine. I made that mistake with my stitches my first pregnancy. They were supposed to disolve and didn't, but whenever I called to ask the nurses just said "oh, just give it a little bit longer, they'll dissolve." It was five (miserable) weeks later before I insisted that they take them out (they still didn't want to), and when I did the PA who took them out said that they would never have dissolved. I was sorry I hadn't insisted someone look at them sooner. If something doesn't feel right, insist that someone check on it. If they say it's not a big deal, ask them to explain why, and if you don't agree with their explanation, ask more questions.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 02:16:00 PM
I skipped ahead, so if this is ditto what others said, my apologies.

I threw up in labor with all my kids- it happens and is normal- and that's part of why they don't want you eating a big meal. Listen to them.

Six weeks postpartum is when your doctor may give you the ok for sex, but you may not feel like if or a long time after that- especially if you're nursing.

Nursing may not be easy or natural for you- it's ok. Get a lactation consultant. If that doesn't work, or for some other reason, you can't/don't nurse, don't feel bad or guilty. Babies can and do thrive on formula just fine.

You can plan your Birth-Plan until the cows come home, but just know, things MAY not go how you want them to. Having a healthy baby is the ulitmate goal, and how he/she gets here is subject to change. You are not a failure, and your birth was not less than perfect if the PLAN has to change. That's just parenting. Welcome to motherhood.

Binkies are not evil. Some babies like to suck more than other. Big deal.

Every birth is different- just because A happened with baby #1 doesn't mean it will follow suit with #2. Be OK with that.

There are a million "right" ways to parent- and you will have to figure out what works for you and your new family. Don't be discouraged, and enjoy the process.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 03:55:00 PM
Hemorroids
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 05:33:00 PM
kadusey - your second paragraph describes a Braxton-Hicks contraction the same way I'd describe one. It's just a "tight all over" feeling that goes away after a while. It's more intense and more temporary than the tight feeling that comes because your stomach just hasn't stretched enough.

My doc said they should be fewer than 6 per hour up until the 9th month. In that last month, it's normal for them to get more frequent. You should also still be able to walk during the contraction, even if it kind of hurts and you're waddling. If you can't walk during the tight feeling, you're having a strong contraction and you ought to pay attention to how often they're coming. Also, if your back hurts during the tight feeling, you're having a strong contraction.
posted by Melinda at 2/25/2008 07:22:00 PM
If you have to wonder if it's a Braxton Hicks or a birth one, it's a Braxton.

Braxton Hicks are just what you described- a tightening all over, making your abdomen taut, that is strong enough to be felt, but you can still breathe and talk and walk.

Braxtons are "real" contractions- they're just practice. They're getting your muscles and body used to the idea.

A birth contraction is similar, but usually much stronger. There will often be more of a pulling sensation low in the abdomen, rather than the tightening all over sensation you get with a Braxton.

Birth contractions do hurt, and I hated that people lied to me and said it was just lots of pressure. They freakin hurt. But, that said, and having had one of my three kids (the last one) with no drugs, I CAN say- it's do-able. It does hurt- but it's pain accompanied by a rush of endorphins and excitement, and it really is miraculous, because your body knows what to do, even if your mind doesn't.

I wasn't planning on #3 with no epidural, but she came so quickly there wasn't time- and my body did exactly what it was meant to do.

So yes, contractions hurt- but there is a purpose and reason to the pain, and that makes it not so bad. I guess now I'm one of those women saying "It's not so bad"- and the truth is, it's not.
posted by Anonymous at 2/25/2008 11:15:00 PM
In my experience with 3 babies, the BX contractions might only be felt with your hands. Your whole uterus could be making a tight basketball and you can poke all around to feel it, but internally, there is no discomfort or tightness or anything at all, and in a minute it passes.

another difference between BH and labor contractions is that BH ones can be triggered by activity, dehydration, stress and then stopped with rest. Labor contractions won't be stopped by water and a nap.
posted by Anonymous at 2/26/2008 08:12:00 AM
I just want to emphasize that the birth mom has a lot of control and power in the hospital. Don't let the doctors or nurses run over you. If you don't like something, say so. If you feel that a nurse is new and you're uncomfortable, politely ask if someone with more experience could help out.

I've spent more time in the hospital than anyone should, and I've learned that politeness mixed with firmness goes a long way. Don't be the annoying patient, but do stand up for yourself.
posted by Anonymous at 2/26/2008 09:37:00 AM
One other thing: get a maternity pillow! Don’t suffer! Really, I know they’re expensive, but if you have more than one baby, it is so worth it to be able to sleep suspended in a cloud of pillow. If you can’t sleep, get the maternity pillow—not just a body pillow. I used this starting at 4 months, but you could use any other brand or type.
posted by Carina at 2/26/2008 01:26:00 PM
This is so great--I'm at 19 weeks (tomorrow, anyway) with my first. I wish we were having a Q&A for first time moms, but I think I'm actually the only first-timer in my ward, out of something like 8 preggos.

One thing I've been curious about is alternate positions for giving birth. Everyone I know gave birth supine, and most with an epidural. I'd much rather squat and go natural (my mom reacted badly to an epidural and so far I react exactly like she does to medications) and I've heard it's easier that way, but also difficult to convince a doctor to let you. Any thoughts on whether squatting/other non-laying down positions are (relatively) more comfortable and effective, and how have doctors reacted to the alternative positions? If you want to try something like that is it advantageous to have a doula?
posted by kristine N at 2/26/2008 06:02:00 PM
kristine n, you should strongly consider switching from a doctor to a midwife...you would have such a great experience...the midwife stays with you the whole time and all are open to alternate positions...
posted by Kage at 2/26/2008 07:10:00 PM
i think thise are all really good comments and very helpful for new moms. i think this conversation would be helpful to many women who are pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant.

okay- so this is a pregnancy q&a but i'm hoping in this type of situation you might also be able to include a short little sidenote discusion on helping these new moms to be sensitive to women who can't get pregnant. sometimes new moms are the worst offenders when it comes to being insensitive. i think this has to do with them being so excited to be pregnant -which is a good thing don't get me wrong- that they say things without thinking and it also comes from them having had an easy time getting pregnant so they assume it must be easy for everyone else too. maybe just a two second discussion on what is and what is not appropriate to say to other women who are single or who can't have kids would be nice. obviously not the focus of your discussion but just a sidenote. i neaver cease to be amazed at how clueless some young moms are on this point. no it is not okay to ask someone you just met why they don't have kids yet or when they are going to have kids or why don't they want kids. questions like that can be devastating for a person who is trying and can't or who just had a miscarriage. you don't know when you ask-that is the point why you shouldn't say stuff like that in the first place.

someone with some maturity (not a brand new mom) might be able to bring up the topic delicatly and tactfully. just an idea said with the best of intentions and not meant to criticize.
posted by Anonymous at 2/26/2008 07:23:00 PM
Not to be shallow, but how about some preggo fashion tips? Or the best places to score maternity clothes that won't break the bank! I'm 24 weeks and feel so ugly in all of my maternity outfits! Granted, I've gained 19-22 lbs so far (depending on the day), so that could be a contributor! All of this "buy your pre-pregnancy size" doesn't seem to apply to me! :(

It might be great to tell them the 5-7 pieces that you couldn't live w/o and that made you feel good!
posted by Anonymous at 2/26/2008 07:48:00 PM
We just had our fourth and final 6 months ago and reading all these posts (labor nausea and all) are bittersweet! I love that you're doing a Q&A in your ward!

For me, I wish I had known more about those first 6 weeks and how painful nursing could be and how tired I would be, but like someone else said, you push through it. And if you decide nursing's not for you, do NOT feel guilty! I tore myself up about "only" nursing one of mine for 4 months and he is just as healthy and happy as my other three (and Mom was happier too).

Wish I'd known the extent of the post-delivery bleeding and that sex could be uncomfortable for up to a year (especially if you're nursing--stock up on the KY).

Though my pregnancies were pretty easy and uneventful you do get these random aches and pains. It's amazing what those pregnancy hormones can do to your body! Watch out for the serious heartburn towards the end. Oh, and I had night sweats after delivery as my body got rid of extra water retention. I'd wake up just totally soaked!

Loved, loved, LOVED those sleeping nursing bras they have out now. They're kind of like a super comfy sports bra. I even wore those during the day a lot!

And I totally agree with others, if you have a question or feel something's not quite right, don't hesitate to ask! One last thought, if you can avoid an episiotomy do so. A little tearing that needs stitching heals much better and more quickly than an episiotomy. (personal experience and research!).

Sorry for the long post--can you tell I'm reminiscing a bit? ;)
posted by Anonymous at 2/26/2008 08:50:00 PM
Good things above. I'll add:

A blood clot the size of a baseball coming out in the shower 6 hours after birth is normal (although most nurses would like o know about it).

It is possible to desire sex 4-10 weeks out, feel like everything feels reasonably ready, and still have it really hurt. In my case, one of the stitches took nearly 3 months to dissolve - and I really couldn't feel it until we were in the act. Nor could the doctor see it (I asked her to look at it during an appt it hurt so bad). But all of a sudden it was gone and sex was just fine.
posted by Nicole at 2/28/2008 03:26:00 PM

Monday, February 25, 2008

Pregnancy Q and A

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