17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Ok, not EVERYone...

but it really really really really seems like it. I am pretty much hearing about someone's pregnancy twice or thrice a week now. There's both of my best friends, a very close relative of mine, a few bloggers I know, some girls in my ward, I think maybe even the dog on our floor is pregnant because she is barking up a STORM lately.

This makes me feel a variety of feelings. I think I am having psychosomatic pregnancy symptoms because the past few days have been all about my cupcake, dr. pepper,and Chipotle burrito cravings. I am tired as all GET out. Last night I went to sleep at 8 PM people. This afternoon, when I took off my bra, I swear I had that crazy let-down feeling you get when your nursing....yikes. Or maybe it's just PMS.

The thing that is getting me now is that most of these pregnancies I am hearing about are for the third baby. Now this makes perfect sense because in general, the majority of my friends are my age and are mothers, and so it shouldn't surprise anyone, including me, that this third baby phenomenon would crop up.

So, the good actor that I am, I put myself in these crazy lady's shoes and I start thinking about what it would be like to be pregnant with my third. And then the thoughts come rolling through in a cyclonic fury:

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH....wouldn't it be nice to be pregnant, pee on a stick, It's positive!-magic...what is it? Is it a boy is it a girl? What will we name it? Will I be as sick this time as last time...I will probably be even more tired...won't it be fun to get all new baby stuff? Where will we put the baby? What will we name it? Will the kids like it? How much will it cost? How much work will I lose? How much work will I gain? How many POUNDS will I gain? where will we put it? Do I even have anymore maternity clothes? I wonder if my midwives will take our new insurance? maybe I should have a home birth....maybe we should just get a puppy....maybe we should just get a goldfish.

Geez, if we really go through with this we will have to move, we just DID move....my dh is going to have to get a second job because I am pretty sure we can't afford it. We only have 4 chairs around our table and two bedrooms and I have goals and oh...it's sweet and nice and a blessing to be pregnant, but then a baby comes out and it becomes a child and it wants mac n cheese for every meal and I can't laugh or cough or jump on a trampoline without peeing and now I am allergic to every single food but crackers.

And then I calm down and realize that I am not the one pregnant, my FRIENDS are. And I am so happy for them and a little jealous of them, because having a baby and experiencing that whole making-a-baby thing is pretty delightful after you've stopped hurling. And then I am happy for me that I am not pregnant, because I am really not in a place to be the mother of anymore children right now.

And I am ticked because I am impatient. I want to know EXACTLY how many children I am going to have and I want to plan it out and I want them to all be out and here before I am 30 (which is in 18 months). And I am ticked that I have a big "NO, you shouldn't have a child right now" sign floating around in the air, and right after that a giant QUESTION MARK about my family and it's shape and size, looming in the distance. And I am conflicted because baby-making is lovely but my life right now is quite lovely too, and actually making a baby right now would mess that up quite a bit.

Living vicariously through my pregnant peops isn't going so well for me right now. It's making me all twirly and whirly and emotional inside. And people are asking me if I am having another, AS my children are running circles around me and peeing on the floor and purposely pouring a cup of water onto their nice warm bed, and spitting out chewed up carrots all over someone's shoes during the most reverend part of church, and my answer is the crazy eyes that say: "You've GOT to be kidding me that you JUST asked me that question in all earnestness?" And I can't even form a good sentence/question b/c that is how crazy I get when people ask me that.

And I really am happy for my peops, but I am also pretty crazy right now, and my DH would say it's the PMS talking. And I am pretty sure he is right. And I have PMS, because I am not pregnant. And that's ok. Whoosh.


  • Wow, that's some serious baby hunger and some serious denial about it.

    You want a third someday? Might as well be now. It's not like your apartment is getting any bigger or your body is getting younger or your baby hunger is going away. Just do it now and get it over with. Or do it later and stress about it until then. Or never have a third and enjoy your two. Your call.
    posted by Anonymous de-lurker at 10/24/2007 06:15:00 PM  

  • I love - "my answer is the crazy eyes that say: "You've GOT to be kidding me that you JUST asked me that question in all earnestness?"

    There are SO many times I have felt like that and SO many times I have thought "How can I have a 3rd child when mine are like wacko 90% of the time?" But I also know that I hold myself up to a pretty high standard (as I am sure you do) and really I'm probably not as bad as I think I am at the whole mothering thing.

    I think you are just pms-ing. Maybe you are taking that first step towards a third baby...and maybe that's going to take some time.

    We didn't start trying to get pregnant until in my heart I was 100% like "I am ready- physically,emotionally,etc..to do this" Because I don't want any regrets!(seriously)

    But also, I got to a point ths summer, where I said to myself, I'd really like to be younger than 40 when I get my tummy tuck and Breast lift. So I better kick this baby thing into gear. I want to be done at a reasonable age.

    So I say go have a chipotle and take it slow and easy=). No worries!
    posted by Blogger Rachel H at 10/24/2007 06:51:00 PM  

  • Three is enough for me! If I have an urge, I will borrow one from a friend. I'm sure that will cure me of any desire for a fourth!

    Although, we never planned on 3 and now I don't know how we would live without the youngest.
    posted by Blogger Sexy Housewife at 10/24/2007 07:19:00 PM  

  • I totally understand that feeling when everybody seems pregnant but you. PMS can do that. But then, with my four kids, I realize that my life is already such a whirlwind and I'd like to slow things down a bit. Having another baby should be when the time is right for you- not everybody else. Plus, your little one is still so little! :) The movie stars are all having their babies in their late 30s and early 40s- so why can't we?

    Cute post! :)
    posted by Blogger LJ at 10/24/2007 07:32:00 PM  

  • Thanks for a good laugh tonight.
    posted by Blogger Linz at 10/24/2007 08:16:00 PM  

  • I've been reading this blog but haven't commented yet. I've noticed you write about the baby issue a lot. If you want to have another, have one. If you don't, don't. Why all the drama?
    posted by Anonymous Micah at 10/24/2007 08:39:00 PM  

  • Ah, I'm going through that exact same thing right now- only for #4. I know, I know. And we go round and round. DH and the doc say NO WAY- I find myself yearning just a little bit more.

    I wonder what will happen?
    posted by Blogger tracy m at 10/24/2007 09:11:00 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.
    posted by Blogger beth at 10/24/2007 09:13:00 PM  

  • Oh Kage, I do know where you are coming from. Just be strong in the fact that you are not ready yet. If you can't shake the feeling though, maybe there is something to examine. I agree with rachel h. - maybe you're at the beginning of getting ready for #3. I think the less we compare ourselves to other people the better. It's hard, but all because other people are getting pregnant doesn't mean there is something wrong if we are not. But I know with me, if I can't get rid of that little feeling it usually means I have something to really think about. Funny post though... very stream of consciousness. And yeah, you are probably pms-ing. Maybe in a week you'll feel better.
    posted by Blogger beth at 10/24/2007 09:18:00 PM  

  • I am not pregnant and I am SO HAPPY about that.

    Just drive me to the next mental hospital if there are two lines within the next year. After that? Another baby stat!
    posted by Blogger Azúcar at 10/24/2007 09:37:00 PM  

  • Thanks for the laugh, Kage. I can't say I relate to most any of the post, though. I pretty much hate all of pregnancy, all the time, and when I'm not pregnant and someone else tells me they are I'm just so glad it's not me. And if I am pregnant I just feel great sympathy and generally want to tell them "I am so sorry," though I usually don't, since most of them are happy about it. Crazy people. It actually gets a little better for me after the baby gets here. (Though that might change this time, since I'll have a 3.5yo, a not quite 2yo, and a new baby. I think we'll be staying in the house for a while. Like maybe a year.)

    The one part of the post I can relate to is the psychosomatic pregnancy symptoms. I had those most of the last year. I was so paranoid that I was pregnant, and I was overtired (in the same way I am when pregnant), and felt kind of nauseous when I got up, etc. But I think it's because I was nursing, so my body was doing some of the same things, just on a smaller scale. But I took at least one pregnancy test every month I missed my period (I only miss it sometimes, even when I'm breastfeeding).

    I hope you can get some answers on that whole family planning thing soon, though. I know how hard it is to want to plan for things and not be able to. Good luck!
    posted by Anonymous Vada at 10/24/2007 10:01:00 PM  

  • Well, I had some serious trepidation when we were thinking about going from one child to two. When I finally made the decision to go ahead with it we found out we were going from one to three. I'm just saying...

    I understand your feelings because I'm in a similar place about having #4. Some days I feel like I really am okay stopping with the three we have. Some days I feel like we're missing someone. Right now doesn't feel like the time to make any decision about it though.
    posted by Blogger Tandy at 10/24/2007 10:32:00 PM  

  • de-lurker...perhaps you're right, and it is my call.

    micah, if you have been reading awhile, then you know that everything with me is about the drama....

    I do love baby's very much and I love the miracle of birth. It might just have to be my little memory though and not become a reality again, so I guess the next step in my journey is how to come to terms with that on the days when I feel bad about it being over.
    posted by Blogger Kage at 10/25/2007 04:39:00 AM  

  • My problem is that my favorite people in my family are all the lastborns. My aunt who was the last of five is my very favorite aunt. My brother who was the last of four is my favorite brother. My cousin who was the last of five... (you get the idea). So I think I want five. I've always wanted five. It seems rather unlikely now, but I still want five. I don't have the resources for them, neither the money nor the energy nor the youth nor even the husband, but I just do still want five. :)

    Good luck with your choices. I think you'll decide just the right thing for you.
    posted by Anonymous Tatiana at 10/25/2007 06:16:00 AM  

  • While I think taking time to reassess major life decisions (such as family size) isn't a bad idea, you are going to drive yourself crazy doing it once a month when you are PMS'ing and/or everytime someone you know gets pregnant. You need to set yourself a time - like every six months - when you will allow yourself to "go there". Write it on your calendar. Add it to your to do list. Don't make yourself go nutty over it every other week. Because if you are already nutty, what will you even need a third child for? :)
    posted by Blogger TftCarrie at 10/25/2007 08:18:00 AM  

  • wow. did i write this post or did YOU? that was seriously weird to feel like i was reading my own journal. i also have two girls, ages 2 1/2 and 4 1/2. i think we need to talk!
    posted by Blogger merathon at 10/25/2007 10:58:00 AM  

  • Kage, I found your post rather poetic. I understand your pain... I think when you (meaning everyone) tell yourself you shouldn't do it.....it makes you want it even more so the key is figuring out your true desires and separating them from logistics like space and whatnot...if that makes any sense. I like tfCarrie's advice, too.
    posted by Blogger Jen at 10/25/2007 04:30:00 PM  

  • Wow. You know my feelings about you having a third...is there anyway to guarantee boy?
    This is a great post. Sometimes it's hard to get to that "yeah, I'm ready for another" place, and sometimes when you get there, it doesn't just happen when you want. That is what I have trouble with.
    Good luck getting through this week!
    posted by Blogger Melissa at 10/25/2007 09:34:00 PM  

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