The Things They Say; The Lessons We Teach

"Look Mom, that man's little!" exclaimed my three year old as he pointed his sharp finger over my shoulder.

I turned to find a small man standing behind me. Not a midget exactly, but obviously smaller than the others around him. Small enough for my DS to notice. I fumbled for words to say as this gentleman reassures me it's fine, that he was used to it. My heart broke. Yet another kid making fun of this man, and not only was I witness to it, but I gave birth to the person doing it! So I tried to explain that all people don't look the same. We are all different sizes and after all DS you are little too. I really hoped it sunk in and that we were done with that discussion (oh yes, i am naive). A few days later DS points at someone else (I don't remember why) and says "look mom. We don't point at people. It hurts their feelings." Ok. Maybe something sunk in.

Fast forward one week. DS is saying "Oh my G**" over and over and over and over. We have had this discussion already, twice. It keeps coming back. I wonder if I'm explaining it correctly and if he understands (I'm pretty sure he doesn't). I explain anything and everything to help it stick.

"Do you know who Heavenly Father is?" I ask.
"Nope" he replied.
"Do you say your prayers to talk to him?"
"Nope" he replied again.
Sensing I'm really losing him, I say, "He's our Father in Heaven. We don't say His name like that because it..." I draw a blank. What should I really say? It hurts his feelings? It's rude? It's against the commandments? What is he really going to understand? So I say all of it. I ask him if he understands.
"Nope." He says.
Discussion over.

Fast forward yet another week, or two. (Who's keeping count anyway?) DS is pretending he is smoking his straw. I ask him what he's doing. "I'm mokin'" (he's really cute when he tries to say it). And what I like to call the "smoking discussion" starts AGAIN. (this has been going since age 2) We talk about how it burns our lungs, turns our teeth yellow, and makes us sick. It still hasn't stopped him from smoking anything he finds, crayons, sticks, forks etc. However, now every person we pass on the street that is smoking gets a lecture; "Hey you, We don't moke! It make you sick!"
Do you think this is going to be enough to keep him from trying it himself? I'm optimistic, yet still doubtful.

Fast forward to today, (my personal favorite). Walking to the store DS tells me that the man in the truck is staring at me. I'm thinking he's just glancing as we walk by, but considering this is a city with dirty old men, it is possible I am being checked out. Regardless, I keep walking when DS yells "Hey you, don't stare at us like that. Its rude!" I laugh and then think, "That's my boy, standing up for your mom!" This has been the only time to date that I have been proud of him for yelling at someone. Maybe this is wrong of me, but I do hope that while he is learning all of these manners, he is also learning to stand up for himself. Especially in this crazy city. I'm glad to see that today he is.

Which has lead me to "today's ponderings." It's hard teaching kids because they see in black and white while we actually live in a world shaded with grays. I would love to teach them all these nuances now, but realize the realizations about life come slowly and not until you are a lot older. So we watch them grow and learn to function in society while we tell them "Do this. Don't do this." For many reasons that are left undefined.

I hope I get better at handling these teaching situations. I try to think of how to prepare for all of these moments, but realize even if I could prepare, it would be a crazy thing to do. I hope I live my life the right way, enough that my kids will notice and hopefully a little will rub off. Again I'm optimistic, yet doubtful.

I remember the philosophy of one of my acting professors. He always said, "If the play is good, it's all because of the actors. If the play is bad, its all because of the director." This has always made sense to me and I think it's the same with kids and parents. I hope my kids end up good (as we all do). They will have had to work hard to navigate all these shades of gray to come out right in the end. And on that I'm pretty optimistic.