On Death and Dying...

I love life. I really do. I feel like I really LIVE it...that's how much I love it.

My first funeral was when I was around 5. I remember one image from it, my aunt kissing her 5-year-old son, as he lay in the casket. It was strange because I was around the same age as my cousin and I didn't understand why anyone would want to touch a dead body.

From there I attended my home teacher's funeral at around age 9 or 10, my beloved singing teacher's memorial service at age 12 or 13, and then my friend's funeral. He was 19, I was 16. He hung himself. At 19 my husband's mother passed away, 6 months after we wed. I had to sing at my friend's and my m-i-l's funerals (that's a whole different post). My cousin's wife died at 33. I still regret not going to her funeral. I have had a few grandparents pass as well.

I have met some people my age who have yet to attend a funeral. I didn't know that I had been to quite a few for my short life.

I am motivated by many things: my belief in God, fulfilling my talents, motherhood, wifehood, the list goes on. Most of them flow through me on a subconscious level, and only come to my consciousness if something specific pulls them out, or if I am perhaps struggling with something specific. Another motivator is a sense of urgency that I have, just in case I die tomorrow.

I do not want to die young. I do not fear death, but I see what a death can do to those left behind, especially an "unconventional" death. Unconventional death being defined as any death that does not involve a very old, very wrinkled, very grey person dying peacefully while sleeping.

The other day, while cleaning my house, a song came on my ipod that I hadn't heard in a while. It is entitled HOW GLORY GOES. It is by Adam Guettel, from the musical, Floyd Collins. This particular version sung by Audra MacDonald. I love it. I decided that I wanted this sung at my funeral. You should go download it right now.

My next thought was, is it weird to know what I want sung at my funeral when I am 28?

Then I made another decision. My friends and family are welcome to my possessions, but I would like most of them donated or preferrably, sold on ebay...because that is fun, and that is one of my favorite things to do.

Then I wondered if I should just write all of this down, JUST IN CASE...so that my family knows that, yes I would prefer a HOT PINK headstone if that is available, and if I cannot be buried in Queens, my home town of Naperville is my second choice.

And I do not want a viewing or open casket thing, just a giant life-size cardboard cut-out of myself looking happy.

So, now I have documented it. Right here on this blog. And one of you will remember, and see to it that these requests are met. Thank you for your time. And I hope I don't die now.