Child Development 101

Have we gone too far in monitoring our children's development?

My mom recently told me that my younger brother didn't talk until he was almost 4 years old. "Weren't you worried?" I asked. "Not really," she said. "He seemed pretty bright." She was right on. Although still not a very chatty guy, he is a crazy smart computer software engineer who graduated at the top of his high school and college classes.

Today, my brother would have received speech evaluations, hearing tests, maybe even an IQ test. Overall, it's a good thing. There are a lot of positives that can come from early intervention. I know better than most as I help my son conquer his autism. But sometimes I think we are too preoccupied with how our kids are developing and how their development compares to that of their peers.

I am really guilty of such comparisons and using developmental jargon in my speech, especially since Noe's diagnosis.

I was recently on the phone with my mom. She asked what Noe had done that morning. I answered that we had colored pictures and that he has a really great tripod grasp for his age. "Oh," she answered, "That's nice. Did he ENJOY himself?"

Maybe we don't know the names of all of the important child development theorists, but how many of us read and reread our copy of What to Expect The Toddler Years. Agonize that our little Suzy wasn't as social as the other little girl at the playground that day. Constantly compare a younger child's development to that of his older brother. Sign a child up for every class and sport imaginable for fear that she will be left behind?

Even if we don't verbalize our concerns, little people have an uncanny ability to tune into our emotions. My Noe, with a diagnosis that allegedly limits his ability to understand other's emotions, senses when I am worried or stressed.

Around Noe's first birthday, I started feeling very concerned about his development. But it was nothing I could put into words for another year and a half. According to my books, his development was normal. But I worried constantly. It was right around this time that Noe's sleeping patterns became extremely erratic. He could not settle down to sleep and no longer slept through the night. He was more anxious and unhappy than he had ever been before. Coincidence? Maybe. It was only after his diagnosis and after I had a solid therapy program in place for him that my stress level went down and Noe's sleeping habits and mood dramatically improved.

My Child Development 101 Advice: If you have real concerns about your child's development, find appropriate help and leave the diagnostics to the professionals. Treat your child development book like a dictionary, a useful reference book, rather than a Bible to swear and live by. And finally, make it your work to love, nurture and enjoy every minute of your child's fleeting childhood.