Who's the Best and Does it Matter?

Ever since I attended the R.S. Broadcast last week, I haven't been able to get Pres. Beck's talk from that broadcast to the women out of my head. (You can read the text from the talk I am speaking of here

There were many parts of her talk I enjoyed. She spoke with a strong, confident voice aimed at a strong and confident adult audience rather than a sing-song voice that seems better suited for a Sunbeam class. I also enjoyed her emphasis on relief - especially the idea that planning relief activities will breed sociality, but not necessarily the other way around.

However, Pres. Beck’s repeated use of the word "BEST" (as in we should be the "best at families", the "best at relief" and *"the best at homemaking"*) left me feeling troubled.

It immediately reminded me of the times my five year old daughter has approached me with a friend in tow wanting to know "who is the best at jump-roping, mom?", "who is the best at drawing princesses?", or "who is the best at singing 'Spoonful of Sugar?’" I really drives me crazy. I repeatedly have to remind her that it doesn't matter who is “the best,” it just matters that we try our best with the gifts we are given.

The gospel, as I understand it, does not teach that life is a competition or that we have to be “the best” at anything. It's about personal growth. All we can do is try to be a better person than we were yesterday and the day before (which in itself is a hard thing to do).

Didn’t Christ bring the gospel directly to the sinners and the imperfect? All sorts of imperfect people are drawn to Christ with all different life experiences and gifts. To say how far along the path towards perfection all Mormon women should be at any one moment in time is to overlook each person's path to Christ as truly her own.

Also, the “best” rhetoric can be harmful to women of the church. Comparing ourselves with others can bring guilt, sadness, frustration and not a lot of lasting growth. And more mom guilt is the last thing most of us need.

Not to mention how our view of "being the best" can affect how we view others around us. Making it our goal to be better than all the other non-Mormon women of the world at raising families and providing relief divides us from the good they are doing as well.

This type of rhetoric can also promote the unnecessary judging of other Mormon women; women who might not be as good at "families" or "relief" or whatever the chosen gospel principle may be. "Come on! You're dragging us down!" a competitive voice might yell. But once again, the gospel is for the imperfect not the best.

It seems to me that the question we ought to be asking ourselves is not "how can we, a group of Mormon women, be better than a group of non-Mormon women," but rather "how can I more effectively let my Mormonism make me better than I otherwise would be?” It seems far more effective on this personal, non-competitive level.

Maybe this is what Pres. Beck meant to communicate. I am interested in listening to her talk again when it becomes available. But whether she meant it or not, I think her repeated use of “we can and should be the best” language not only carries with it flawed logic but is a poor motivator and can lead to a dangerous, un-Christ-like way of thinking.

What do you think? All comments will be accepted except for those that insinuate Carrie is going to hell for her prideful and "finding fault" thoughts.

*this phrase was from her talk given at the sunday morning session of conference. I would rather not talk about the troubling points of that talk here. That can of worms has already been opened over here or here. For some more uplifting/generous commentary on Pres. Beck's Sunday morning talk you can go here or here.