17 different women, 36 crazy children, 0 babies in utero
Adventures, Advice and Questions from a group of Mormon women who met in Queens, NY and have now scattered all over the place.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
To My Valentine
Ok, I just watched BAREFOOT IN THE PARK with Jane Fonda and Robert Redford. I had a recollection of watching it some years ago, but basically the whole thing was new to me. Upon finishing, I was so excited that someone wrote a play/made a film about my husband and me. During our engagement and wedding period, his mom had always joked about that movie and I thought she was merely referring to our lifestyle: LOTS of stairs and a teeny tiny apartment (just like our Chicago apt.) But it turns out that aside from Paul's becoming drunk to prove a point, DH and I are THEM.
To catch you up, if you haven't seen this gem of a film, the basic idea that stands true for us is this: We have nothing in common, only that we are married, are the parents of the same two kids, and are the same religion. We do not have the same talents, family make-up, hobbies, interests, music loves, passions, careers or age. For the last time honey, Flock of Seagulls was NOT my generation. When we began our merge as one, we only had a few duplicate CD's in our respective (rather large) collections...one that comes to mind is Billy Joel's Greatest Hits 1 and 2...come on who DOESN'T own a little Billy Joel? I had no idea who ESPN was and I think I might have introduced him to wearing millinery that was NOT a baseball cap.
Now...a slight aside. My last boyf before DH. He and I had a lot in common: family makeup, hobbies, talents, interests, same hometown, same University (no I did NOT go to BYU), friends, age etc. We had everything BUT religion in common. The story goes that we got serious enough that I gave him an ultimatum. He showed interest in the church and I made it clear I did not want him joining for me...as long as he was investigating we could stay together, but if he ever knew Mormonism wasn't for him, we had to be over. That day came. We still cared a lot about each other so we had on-again, off-again moments for a while. Thankfully during an off-again, DH entered the scene.
It's been almost 10 years since that Halloween weekend when I started my journey with DH (in an unflattering jack-o-lantern turtleneck to boot), and left boyf behind. And here's the rub, boyf STILL shows up in my dreams. Not THOSE kind of dreams. It used to really bother me whenever he would come around, but now I understand what he symbolizes:
A. I am desiring romance (boyf was romantic, DH is not)
B. I need to spend quality time with DH. Boyf reminds me that it came easy for us, and sometimes it takes a little extra effort for DH and me.
C. My subconscious must be missing those youthful years of first dates, first loves and first kisses. Let's face it...when you get married as a teenager, there is bound to be a little of that.
So, now if boyf ever comes around, I am thankful for his reminder of youth and to keep my relationship with DH alive.
Now the point. For DH and I, though we have moments when we WISH we had more in common, we have learned to complete our own picture with the other. (Here's where I get vaclempt). We find joy and happiness in our union. I had a lot of fun dating those boys before DH, and some things about those "relationships" came very easy, but no matter how long the "in common" list was with old boyfs, to me only one thing needs to be in common and that is our faith. And that is what is always left when everything falls to pieces around us. I am so glad that my 18-year-old self had the wisdom to know that and marry that wonderful man who is still my DH today.
Though they had their many differences, Corie and Paul (B in the P), stayed together, because they loved each other, plain and simple, and that's a good reason to stay together too.