Mom-Guilt: Breast Milk Is Recommended

I attended a baby shower a while back where I met up with a girl I hadn’t seen in a long time. I was sitting there with my 4 month old when she sat down next to me with her baby (2 months old I think). I asked her how things were going. She answered with a shaky “okay”. I then proceeded to pull out a bottle to feed my little bundle of joy when she quickly asked me, “Is that formula in the bottle?” I responded a cautious “Yes” (you never know when you’re going to run into a militant La Leche League member). She replied “Oh, good.” I can’t even explain the amount of relief that was in her voice. Apparently, she was having a real rough time with breastfeeding but the thought of supplementing with formula left her riddled with guilt.

I let her know that I knew exactly what she was feeling. Below is something I wrote to a close group of friends just a few months prior:

“So Pumpkin is just over 2 months old now, I have completely stopped breastfeeding and I feel so guilty. With Princess I went for 8 months. I don’t love breastfeeding but I know that it is best for the baby. There were so many more complications with Pumpkin: her major spitting up and stomach issues, my low milk supply, but still I feel so bad, even though now she is a much happier child who actually sleeps without waking up writhing in pain. Still, every time I spoon out her formula, that little message "Breast milk is recommended" still taunts me from the package. “I KNOW!” I scream in my head. But the can will never understand. I have read all those studies done about breastfed babies. So I wonder--is Pumpkin going to be stupid? Sickly? Allergic to everything? And will it have been all my fault? I am sure there was more I could have done physically to make the breastfeeding thing work out. But emotionally, I just couldn't do it. Not then, not in the middle of all of it. But still the guilt is there.

Tonight I apologized to her.”